I can't barely even see the screen to type. We had to give Lila back tonight. She was not getting along with Sam and Sam was becoming increasingly noticeably depressed. I feel absolutely hrorible but Lila deserves the best and I don't feel we can provide that to her at the moment.
Please don't think I'm giving up easy. You have no idea the torment I've been going through. I broke out into hives last night and they've only gotten progressively worse today. My stomach is upset so badly that I've made an appt. with my gastro doctor. And I'm currently hypervenilating.
I feel like scum. I wanted her to fit so badly but things were just going from bad to worse. I hope no one one here thinks poorly of me for this - I'm being hard enough on myself. I just had to do it for her benefit... I didn't want her growing up here and becoming aggressive (which she'd become increasingly so since earlier this week) and changing the Samantha I knew and loved. I think I'm doing the right thing... it's just the hardest decision I've ever had to make.
Please keep Lila in your prayers that through Tails of Hope rescue, she is able to find a home that can provide what I couldn't.
I'm so sorry dear Lila. I will always love you. Mommy will always love you.
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