Withdrawn

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by cubby31682
I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest, some of it I haven't talked about in years.

I am very glad you did so!!! You have a great amount of pain to live with! Heavy baggage, so to speak, for a child to drag into adulthood. I hope you keep talking, even if it is to Cubby!!!

About meds - yes, I agree with trying others if the current one is not helping. Some "families" of meds have more side affects than positive help and every body reacts differently. I think over time, I have tried them all!! Not everyone even needs medication but for some people, there are lifesavers. My cats are my best therapy ever. They are good listeners, show unconditional love and never tell my secrets!!

Isolation IS a very big problem and a temptation so easy to fall into. I know I am a loner by nature anyway, always have been. I *like* to stay home and I *like* to be alone, but being withdrawn gets to be extreme at times and if I am not careful - I can fall into a despair without realizing it. If I find that I do not even want to check PetTalk, for example, this is NOT GOOD.

I AM trying to force myself out and about even though I do not want to. I have joined a gym (Curves) and a Bible Study - both of which I am currently avoiding but will try to do better in June

I will have a my first grandbaby in about ten weeks and so THAT is a very happy and hopefilled thing to look forward to! I will be going to stay with my daughter-in-love during the first days when she comes home - they live here in town - just for support and to give her rest as she needs it. (like she had to ask twice!) Her mom is also an RN and will come after work. Evenings she will have hubby-my son.

Take care all - and hope some of you keep posting! This can be a *very* helpful place to visit!

[lynnestankard]

Yes I suffer from Clinical Depression too.
Just after New Year I had to have a long break from Pet Talk - I'm useless to talk sensibly when I'm having a bad time.
Normally my meds., keep me on an even keel - but just every now and then I have to 'hide away'.
I find it very difficult to put my thoughts into words and would just like you to know that your not alone and lots of us here on PT understand what your going through. You're not alone.
I know I'm not within phone reach but a PM would always be answered.
Oh yes - I found a psychiatrist I could trust and he helped me so much it was incredible.

Lynne

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by lynnestankard

Just after New Year I had to have a long break from Pet Talk - I'm useless to talk sensibly when I'm having a bad time.

I agree that a break is necessary at times and I go "underground" as Moosmom put it aptly. It's a fine line though - between a planned temporary hybernation or *cocooning* (my term) and an isolation which is so unhealthy for me.

I am happy to see this thread - just wish it was out of the DogHouse!! It is a very healthy and common topic - no shame in it whatsoever!!! I had thought of a tongue-in-cheek thread for General "What is YOUR anti-depressant?".

I resisted any sort of help for years and years!! I still don't *like* to go to the hospital where all the clinics are and go down the hallway that used to say "Mental Health" and now say "Life Skills" (PC you know!!) When I stand in line for my pharmacy refills, I feel my face redden when they tell me to stand back because some of my meds are class 3-controled and come from the vault - "uh could you shout that a little louder please - some people on the other side of the room didn't hear"

My shrink tells me to compare my ptsd med with insulin or the thyroid I must always take for Graves disease and part of my brain resists anyway. She tells me how Hollywood folks brag about having a "Therapist" and I'm like don't compare ME with THOSE whackos!!!

*EDIT - I put my POLL in General - hope it is taken in the right manner

[Karen]

I moved this thread to General.

Cubby, you are a survivor, and we love you for it!
And each and every one of you who has battled depression or other illnesses, I am proud of you as well. Just had to say that.

[tatsxxx11]

That's me to a "T" When I get sad, depressed, overwhelmed by life, that's exactly what I do..."close down." Some people feel better talking about their problems, but not me. And working in the medical field, I know I might feel better if I did! But, it's just not in my nature. I think it's becasue I've been disappointed in the past by friends/family's seeming lack of sincere concern, empathy, when I do, so I'd rather say nothing than feeling like I've bared my soul for nothing and feel foolish. So, your're not alone . But, I have good advice for you, even if I don't follow it myself...find someone you trust to talk to and confide in; you'll feel lots better. And Pet Talk's a good place to start. So many compassionate friends here Feel better! We love ya! {{{HUGS}}} Sandra

[DJFyrewolf36]

Thanx from me Karen, you know kind words help way more than people give them credit!

[lynnestankard]

Thank you for the move Karen.

Lynne

[sirrahbed]

Yay!!! We are outta the DogHouse!! Thank you Karen!!!
Like I had mentioned before, statistics say that one in four people will undergo a mental illness at one time or another. It is no big deal! I mean, YES it is horrible to experience but there is no shame in it. People in emotional pain are just everywhere. It just does not show on the outside for the most part. You meet me in real life - I look normal, act normal, I am smart, funny, educated, I have degrees in Nursing and Literature/Secondary Education, have raised three terrific kids, etc, etc...but there are times when I am non-functional. There are times when I have flashbacks and I cannot sleep for many nights. There are times when I jump at the slightest noise and times when my heart begins to race and I sweat profusely and find it hard to breathe. I HATE IT!!! But, I have it. So, I take my medication and I can live with it. If the episodes start to last very long, I become depressed severely and withdraw, feel like I am not a good friend, mother or person. I don't talk to anyone during those times. Hubby forces me, like a child, to get in the car and go to a store or for a walk around the block. Most of the time, I have no memory or distorted memory of those episodes. He brings me food to eat because otherwise I forget. I feel as if I am walking in cement or thick mud. Those are the Major Depressive Episodes and thank God they have been few. So, I have to monitor how I feel and only allow the withdrawal to be brief enough to be therapeutic and healing.
Something I totally LOVE doing is visiting my local nursing home. I need to get back to a regular schedule. What I most love to do is "give manicures". All I do is rub hand lotion on!!! But, for the "clients" it is a time to hold hands and talk as well as softening for dry skin And *I* need it and love it just as much as they do!!

[trayi52]

Sandra, that just the way I feel. I would just rather be alone, and not have any contact with anybody. I just get so down, I feel like there is no hope at all. I have been there yesterday and today. I just barely want to post when I get this way. I feel so confused, I forget what I am going to say, and just shut down.

[CatMama78]

Originally posted by [email protected]
How many of you experiences shutting themselves away from your loved ones, friends, and even online friends when depressed? I want to apologize to you all whenever I don't reply to a thread. It's not that I am not interested, it's just that sometimes I feel it is better for me to hide my pain and I feel like everyone can see right through me when I write and have been told before that they can tell by the way I write when I am depressed. I feel that I don't want to burden you at most times, but felt I owedyou all for my disappearances from Pet Talk. What I do is just shut myself off from everyone. How many of you have the same problem now?

I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I know I've suffered from bouts of depression (not sure if that's technically really what it is) for a long time. It's more of a self loathing, or constant anxiety and it's always in the back of my head. I've never not been able to function (I have to go to work - so I keep going), but I do seem to sabotage and self destruct every 2 years or so (I've done some pretty extreme things I don't want to get into...but if you need someone to talk to, please e-mail me - [email protected]) - Probably about once a week, to once a month, I'll go into extreme crying for a day or so and thinking only extreme negative thoughts (I'm a terrible person, no one loves me, etc.) for no reason and the hard part is it's impossible to turn it off. My bf thinks I can just train myself to think positively, but it's not like that. Truthfully I'm always thinking 'the worst' in my mind, but mostly I can hide it, but every so often I really show it and suffer an episode. It's like I know how I should be feeling and I tell myself to stop acting this way, but I can't.

I also have a serious problem with wanting to be social, or wanting to be around anyone other than my boys (by boys, I mean my cats ). This social phobia as the term is called now, prevents me from doing things like going to company christmas parties and family functions. It's not the not wanting to go that bothers me, cause I don't see anything wrong with being a 'loner', it's the fact that I know I'm obligated to go, sort of and I can't just shrug it off and say it's just a night - instead it's like a major trauma and panic the whole day. It just seems to get worse with time.

I know I seeing a dcotor would be wise, but I can't seem to build up the courage.

Anyways not to ramble or respond to your problems with my problems, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone and I do understand. I may not be able to know exactly how you are feeling as I'm not in your shoes, but I can offer an ear and the comfort of knowing you are not alone in your pain.

[leslie flenner]

Yes. Sometimes it's the pressure of being obligated that makes keeping commitments so hard. So do you bail out? Or do you go and put on the obligatory happy face/happy life? It usually does not take courage exactly to ask for help (yeah some) it most often takes desperation and you don't want to wait. If you see a pattern of self-destructive behavior (I will be honest here, for the last 3 years, my hard, self-destruction has landed in july and aug) then tell your doctor you want a referral to a counselor, you don't have to say why - it's an insurance thing (check your insurance- mine requires md referral). Then, you see her, and say, "I need help with my moods" or whatever you think is wrong. She in turn will ask you a series of questions about your life and moods and go from there. It's not scary at all and actually is very reasurring in that no one gets excited about your request, the earth doesn't stop spinning etc, and you feel BETTER for talking to someone who sees people in your position a kazillion times! We are all there for you (and Anathiona). PS- i have counseling tomorrow and am already thinking about how I am going to get out of it- but I do want to see my psychiatrist soon and ask about topamax for me!)

[Karen]

Originally posted by CatMama78
This social phobia as the term is called now, prevents me from doing things like going to company christmas parties and family functions. It's not the not wanting to go that bothers me, cause I don't see anything wrong with being a 'loner', it's the fact that I know I'm obligated to go, sort of and I can't just shrug it off and say it's just a night - instead it's like a major trauma and panic the whole day. It just seems to get worse with time.

Do see a doctor, please. The "social phobia" is something dear friends of mine struggle with. One, a professional cellist, is a very shy person naturally - maybe why she chose cello, as she can pretty much hide behind it! - and was experiencing horrific 'social anxiety' before solo performances. She knew the pieces, could play them almost in her sleep, so it wasn't just "nerves." She finally told her doctor about it, and instead of telling her it was nothing, he prescribed some med, I don't know what it was off the top of my head, and she just takes it the day of the performance and is able to go about her job without being sick with anxiety for the entire time.

Another friend, a very outgoing person and a vocalist, had the same problem, which you'd never guess. She tried the med on her doctor's advice, and was also happy with the "normalizing" result.

[leslie flenner]

no reason to be shy (either one of you). Just remember, it's not your fault, it has to do with the chemisty in your brain, it's no big deal to ask for help at all, and in fact, care providers want you to ask for help, in the long run, it's cheaper for insurance companies! And remember, you can say no, report side effects asap, and the psychiatrist will listen to you -- none of them wants a lawsuit on their hands so they are quite attentive- and its very comforting if you get the right psychiatrist. Mine is very comforting- she explains exactly how the medications work in the body and draws pictures to help me (of neurons and what they are reacting to and how the medications make them react). AND, she talks to me about meds that are not yet approved here but are in Europe! So I have the opportunity to join in on US studies and learn a lot! (i did one study already and she is going to do a different one when it's approved- hence my interest in Topamax). Hang in there, be patient, call your pcp.

[QueenScoopalot]

It's a common thing in this crazy world to be depressed. I often am depressed and I tend to hide it. Hmmmmm. I sleep, drink, go out trapping cats (that one helps me overcome it). I'll have to work on this one for my own piece of mind. Terrible childhood (was I a child)?? really makes things so hard as a hopefully productive adult. In fact I take that back...I KNOW I'm productive..I've found my calling and it's saving those who couldn't save me! AMEN! I'll strive to save those who can't save themselves, and earn my sense of peace somehow in this tortured existance. I have to work on this thread some more....booze is talking..but then that says more than one wants to admit! P.S I COULD be a whole lot drunker..but am not *sigh*! It's called responsibility. I have a lot to take care of in my life, and do. My bottle baby "Marshall" is a BIG one! If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be here. This helps me emotionally, and physically. *grin* (photobucket is not allowing me to share his picture groan).

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by Karen
Do see a doctor, please. The "social phobia" is something dear friends of mine struggle with. he prescribed some med, I don't know what it was off the top of my head, and she just takes it the day of the performance and is able to go about her job without being sick with anxiety for the entire time.

Odd you should mention this - I was talking with a friend who is a pianist and she told me she takes Propanolol (Inderal) and that most performers she knows also take it before a public performance!! Weird things is - *I* also take it! For migraine prevention! It is a betablocker - slows down the heart rate, prevents the flushface, sweating, etc - so worth asking the doctor about!

AGAIN - no medical advice here - just discussion to assure people this is COMMON, it is OK, ways of coping are available - some medical, some practical - but the problems so very common and global - OK? See that lovely self assured actress on the big screen? See your physician or lawyer with all the degrees? See the friendly lady that takes your money at the bank or grocery store? See the statesman with the big words and confident sppech? The man who keeps the school clean? The lady who keeps people in stitches with funny cat stories? They likely get depressed, probably get counseling and may even take medication. NO BIG DEAL!