Trust -or- Snoop?

[CamCamPup33]

I'm not sure if we have had this topic already, i don't come to the dog house much.. :X

Anyway... I was wondering, if you have a child, or if you plan on having one, would you give them their space? Or would you snoop through their things to find out what's going on?

Example: Last night my dad asked me for my AOL password. Obvious sign that he doesn't trust whatever i do, so he went on and snooped around, he found nothing but he still wanted to do it, thinking he would bust me for something.

In my opinion i *Do not* think parents should snoop through their childrens things, such as school notebooks, computers etc. I mean, most kids know right from wrong. I know i do.. So why go and snoop around trying to find something? I don't know, i just hate the idea of it.. It's like your parents just don't trust you..

What's your opinion? Trust -or- Snoop?

[Uabassoon]

My parents weren't total snoops, when it came to me being online they never asked for my passwords or anything like that. But I know my mom always cleaned my room so I'm sure she looked around while she was doing it. It never bothered me since I figured I didn't have anything to hide. I think if I had a kid I would do a little bit of snooping, but nothing too extreme. Personally I feel that it's their house so they have the right to do it. They pay for the internet so they have a right to look at what you're doing. But I also think it would depend on the kid. If I had a kid who seemed to be open and honest with me, even when things were bad then I'd trust them enough to leave their things alone. But if I thought my kid was hiding something from me then I would snoop.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

My parents aren't big 'snoops', but when I first started Middle School, they had the occasional checking of my backpack to make sure nothing *bad* was in it. I hated it, but I now could understand why they did it. But now, they give me my space, and I'm pretty sure they trust me.

[catland]

I don't have children, but if I did, I'd snoop.

As long as you are living in their home, you need to respect their rules. Believe it or not, it is a good thing.

Its one of those hard things to understand at your age (gosh, I sound so old when I say that), but think about your Dad's reason for doing so.

It could be that he snoops because he loves you and would be devistated if something happened to you that he could have prevented if only he had snooped a little into your life.

Looking back, I wish my parents had taken a more active interest in my life during my teenage years - unfortunately they were going through hard times and were solving their problems by drinking too much - and I felt pretty much invisible.

Having a parent that cares too much and is a royal pain in the **s is far better than having a parent that doesn't care what happens to you.

[RICHARD]

When you are young you get upset ALL the attention that you parents give to you.

When you get older you wish your parents payed MORE attention to you.

As Catland said, Sometimes it is a pain in the arse.

I don't have a father anymore, I'd gladly give up all my privacy to have him back.

If he didn't care he wouldn't show any concern.

[G.P.girl]

i wouldn't give my password to anyone. not even my parents or borther and sister. it's not because i'm doign anything wrong, it's because i just don't liek ti when people look through my things. i don't even like it if i'm signed on when someone else is using the computer. lol i guess i'm just paraniod

[Twisterdog]

This thread is going to be split right down the middle by age, I can already tell.

If you would have asked me this question when I was a teenager, the answer would have been "NO!" Now that I have a teenager, the answer is "Absolutely!"

I agree with Catland and Richard ... parents "snoop" because we worry and care and want what is best for our kids. Parents who don't care what happens probably don't even think of "snooping."

My son can go right ahead and be mad at me now for "snooping." I don't care. It's not my job to be his buddy, it's my job to be his parent. When he grows up he will understand, thank me, and "snoop" through his kids' stuff, too.

Such is the circle of life ...

And remember the kid from the Columbine Highshcool shooting? All kinds of horrible, disturbing things were found in his room after the fact - things that ANYone would have been VERY concerned about. His parents had NO clue, because they "gave him his privacy."

[trayi52]

I agree, I snooped, but I did not nag and yell at my kids, ever. I usually waited a couple days, and then I would ask.

Yes, my kids had kerfews, they had to let me know where they were going, and who they were going to be with. I stayed up until they walked into the house of a night. My son gave me more problems than my girls did. Okay, I admit it I'm a snoop!

Now we did have one boy living in our home, we took in and fostered. He had got into trouble at school, because he almost beat another kid, in high school, to the point the boy was in the hopital. His aunt took him in first, and she couldn't handle him. So we took him in. I did snoop big time. I found out he was in a gang. I found all kinds of things in his room. Very scary things at that. He stayed until he come of age and then he moved out. Seems like we have always had a house full of children and teen living in our home. Some really good kids, and the one that was a problem teen. But hey we lived through it!

Richard you are so right, I wish I still had my dad around too, I would gladly tell him whatever he wanted to know. I usally did anyway, he was just that kind of dad. Never showed any anger. I miss him very much.

Willie

[binka_nugget]

My mom doesn't snoop but I wouldn't mind. I have nothing to hide and I know she'd only do it out of love and just being sure that I'm not doing anything wrong or harmful.

If/when I have kids, I'd try to give them their own space but I'd snoop if I had any weird feelings about anything. If the kid was mad at me for a while, well, they'd get over it and they'd someday realize that it was only to ensure his/her well-being.

[Fox-Gal]

I'd snoop in a sec. if I though that in the long run it's was for the good of my child. Between drugs, sex, gangs and sicko on the net, I'd want to know what my child is up too and if I have to snoop to find out, so be it. I belive that when they become adults they will understand why and be gald I did it. I like to think long term, more then short term. Short term, they will be mad at me. Long term, they will be safe and thankfull I cared enough.

As much as you want to belive that you done a good job at raising your children and they know right from wrong, other factors in their lives can change that, quick. I would never want to assume that my children are above getting in trouble and then find out later the hard way I was wrong.

I would be up front with them about it though, never hidding the reasons why I snooped. Just like in your case, if I wanted a password, I'd tell them why and what I was looking for, for their safty. Hate me now, love me later.

[Kfamr]

I think the parents have every right to snoop, especially since most parents pay for the internet and such .. and there's TONS of children who don't know right from wrong. There's tons of things out there that can harm children as well. As long as the child is living under their roof.

Really, I think more parents should snoop. They should also give their child their personal space to a certain extent. There's many children in my school especially that should be searched each day... it's amazing the drugs, ciggarettes and other illegal things they bring to school. I'm sure their parents would be shocked to see what they could find in their rooms... but then again, sadly enough, some parents don't even care.


Personally, I'd hate if my parent's went through my things. I have absolutely nothing to hide, and I'm a good child. They don't really "snoop" but I don't really like them going into my room, even if they do it to pick up dirty towels (sometimes they do.) I don't really have to worry about them going through my internet things, or stuff like that because for one they hardly know how to turn on the computer. Another, they *know* basically everything I do on the internet. I often find myself sharing the things I look at on the internet.


Some children you can't trust.. I think and HOPE my parents can trust me. I try to make it so they don't feel the need to snoop, which they don't at all, really.

I'm pretty sure they trust me, because they allow me to do what I want.


When/if I have children I will snoop if I feel the need to, as long as they live in my home, I think i'd have the right to as well.
I won't however, take it to the point where i'm looking over their shoulder 24/7. I will allow them their personal space, as long as I don't think that their personal space involves something harmful.

[Fallon]

My parents were never very snoopy and I was grateful for that but if I had kids I'd snoop.. I'd teach them to deal with it though.

[CathyBogart]

I don't mind telling my parents where I am all the time, I introduce almost all of my friends to my mother at some point, and I've never gotten into any serious trouble. My mother doesn't exactly _snoop_ most of the time, but a few times she has, and she hasn't liked what she found.

It blows me away, however, that she would get so upset over something very harmless when I have always been very open with her about every aspect of my life. She knew when I started to become sexually active, and she took me to get BC when I needed it. The _two_ times I drank alcohol in a party-type setting, she knew about it. I've never kept anything important from her, and I see no reason to.

Over time, I've found that the best strategy for getting my mother not to be nosy is to tell her more than she wants to know. This has been extremely effective for the last few years. *Chuckles*

While asking for your password is more of an invasion than I would normally be comfortable with, unless you're the one paying for the internet connection I don't think you have any arguments.

[popcornbird]

My parents really don't *need* to snoop, because they always know where I am and what I'm doing, etc. They know where I am when I go out. They know who I visit. They can call me at any time when I'm not at home. I *am* home most of the time though, and when I'm home, either I'm on the internet, or doing chores/homework/whatever. They always know what I'm doing. I have nothing to hide. I don't care if they wanted to search my whole room, because I've got nothing to hide. I wouldn't mind them reading my journal. My bedroom door's always open during the day, and my family keeps coming and going. I don't mind. Though my parents have never asked me for my passwords, my internet usage was very supervised when I was younger. It isn't anymore, but I'm not that young anymore either. My brother knows my passwords btw. I know my parents trust me, and if they want to snoop, they're more than welcome to, because I'm not the type of daughter who would do something wrong, or something they strongly disapprove of.

I think its important for parents to keep a close watch on their kids up to a certain age. Kids are their parents' responsibility. They bring them into this world, and have every right in the world to do whatever, to ensure they're safe, cared for, and not doing anything wrong. I know I will keep a watch on my kids when I have them, especially when they are young. I will give them their space and privacy, but at the same time, I will need to know they're not putting themselves in harm's way, or doing anything wrong. Its just something parents *need* to do, and its something they only do out of love and responsibility, for their kids.

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

I hated it when my parents snooped when I was a teen, but now as a mother of teens myself, I can totally understand why they were doing it!

Also with my son (16 this December) there is a lot of peer pressure at the moment. At least he can say "No way - I'm not doing XYZ - my Mum ALWAYS finds out" (As sirrahbed says - I have an uncanny way of knowing when he is up to something he should not be doing, and he ALWAYS gets caught out!!!)