Top Ten Best Answering Machine Messages

[Randi]

Top Ten Best Answering Machine Messages

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name,
your number, and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message
to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi! This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave
a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi! Now YOU say something!

2. Hi! I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

[catnapper]

Ha! That reminds me of one my friend Jim left on his machine right after he got his cat... we had a blizzard coming our way, so everybody was running out for milk, eggs, etc:

"Hi you've reached Jim. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm getting ready for the snow. Lets see, I've got eggs, milk, bread, butter - oh S*#@ - I forgot cat food!"

I don't know why that tickled my funny bone, but I must have called and hung up ten times just to hear the message!

[amoore]

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
_________________________________________________

That is a funny one! I have a friend that has a message like that!
She thinks it makes her safe To make people think there is a man there! But it makes me laugh!

[ChiRen]

LOL

I love numbers 6 and 2!

[moosmom]

I used to make up funny announcements too. That was until a prospective employer called and was disgusted by the message and said "I WAS calling to set up a second interview. Unfortunately, it seems that you are not quite what we are looking for in a Synagogue secretary"

I immediately changed my message and went out to drown my sorrows at the fact that I lost a job over something so stupid!!!

Here was the announcement:

(Water splashing, rubber duckie squeaking in the background) "Oh hi! I can't come to the phone right now. My masseuse Sven and I are relaxing in the hot tub and are a bit "indisposed". Please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you when we're out and dry. Tootles!! (rubber duckie sqeaking and water splashing in the background)

[Randi]

LOL! Donna, I can just picture the look on your face when you heard the reply from your potential boss.

I suppose you could get away with # 2.

[G.P.girl]

lol! my answering machine says: this is Buddy the elf, What's your favorite color?
It's from Elf

[EssTer]

he he he Very funny I knew about 7.

[CountryWolf07]

Nice.. LOL.. My away message on my cell phone has Garth Brooks.

If I remember right, it goes like this:

"Hello, this is Garth Brooks! Please leave a message for the person who can't come to the phone right now. You're probably wondering why I'm here, but umm, I gotta go!"



I need to change it.. it's kind of getting old, LOL.

What's hilarious ist hat I had someone call me twice.. and leave me a message asking if this was actually Garth's #.. Haha..

[HoRsELUvR]

LOL Very funny.