I guess I should tell you guys now...

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Well. I think I should finally announce to the whole world what my issue is now.

My parents are taking "a break".

My mom has an apartment now, and we (Jake and I) will split our time between my mom's and my dad's. They are promising that this isn't a divorce, and all I know is it better not be because as mad/sad as I already am, a divorce would kill me.

My mom claims she's leaving for a while because she needs to think things through. CAN'T SHE DO THAT HERE??? Why waste more money on a whole apartment that we can't afford in the first place. My dad's devestated, he did nothing to cause this, he's just sad my mom's leaving for a while. And the lease is for 6 months so she needs to stay there a minimum of 6 months. All I know is this better not be dragged out over my dad's birthday, vacation, either of our birthdays, or Christmas or ANY holiday. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I feel so helpless. I want to just run away or something. Bawl my eyes out... anything, I'm just so confused and scared and worried that nothing worse comes from this situation. I don't know anymore.

My mom is asking me if I want to stay home on Friday to help her pack. *sigh* Can this get any worse? I think I will though, just because I want to see her before she leaves. She then said she will take me shopping to get stuff for my "own" bathroom. Spend more FRICKEN money why don'tcha???

I'm just scared. My dad has to pay all the bills now. I'm so scared. I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW.

I hate having to divide my time between my parents. I would want to stay with my dad because he did NOTHING to deserve to lose his kids. I'm SO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[slick]

I have never been married, nor am I a child of divorce but I do have some experience at relationships. Taking a break can be a good thing. They would not be taking this step unless absolutely necessary. Parents in trouble can't hide it from the children so I'm assuming that you have perhaps witnessed some arguing or harsh words?? Did you see this coming?? Maybe you could sit down and speak with each one separately and explain your feelings.

I can understand that you are scared and confused. Do you have any peers you can talk to that have been through the same thing?? Perhaps a counsellor or a relative can help you through it. In addition, Jake needs you to.

Taking a break does not mean breakup or divorce. Sometimes couples need time away to realize their true feelings. As the saying goes "you don't know what you have until it's gone". I'm praying that in time they will remember the love they have for each other and move back in together. Please keep us updated. You are a valued member of Pet Talk and very much cared about.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Me: Why are you leaving?

Mom: I have been unhappy for so many years; they gave me so many anti-depressants and nothings working.

Me: Then get more help, Mom.

*no answer*

Me: Are you coming back?

Mom: I honestly don't know, I won't lie to you or make any promises.


I'm honestly heartbroken. I feel like crying.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

Oh Meg, I'm so sorry.
Don't think it's automatically a divorce, though. Some people just need a break from each other, and than they're fine.

Keep us updated. And remember, I'm only an IM away if you need to talk.

[Tweety_Pie]

oh Meg, Im REALLY sorry...I don't know what to say

[Karen]

Sweetie, cry for a while, then dry your eyes. grownups are sometimes just as sad and confused as children can be. Hug your mom, tell her you love her. hug your dad and do the same thing. Try to understand that she's hurting inide, and so is he.

Realize that you are probably the most importsnt person to them, no matter how this turns out.

That said, we love you, and will be here fo you no matter what, okay?

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm just so confused. You see this stuff happen to other people, and you think it would never happen to your family, then it does, it's just a shock...

[slleipnir]

I'm sorry for the troubles your parents are having. Unfortunatly, I know how you feel...although my parents are divorced and have been since I was a kid. Anyway, I hope everything turns out well

[Amber]

Oh Meg! Im so sorry this is happening to you. I really don't know what to say, but if you ever, ever, need to talk, pm me, Ill listen

[sasha the cat]

Of course you are scared and angry that your Mom is taking a break! Very natural reactions.

Having been there and done that what I can tell you is if your Mom is taking a break -- then she really needs this time. Much better for your Mom to have time to really think things through because that will enable her to be a better Mom. If she is unhappy and unsure then it will affect her ability to care for you and Jake.

Give your Mom a break -- and your Dad too. Don't blame either one because without all the facts you could jump to the wrong conclusions!

When a couple like your Mom & Dad are in this situation (even if your Dad was not prepared for this) it means it is best for your parents to take the time to evaluate their lives as individuals, as parents and as a couple. Only after much thought and reflection can they come to a decision which is best for your family.

Try to keep communication open at all times with both of your parents. Communication means when either of your parents expresses their feelings, you listen very carefully. You digest what has been said. This gives you time to learn what your feelings/reactions truly are BEFORE you then tell either or both parents how you feel, thus enabling you to maintain good relations with both parents -- they love you and want what is best for everyone.

Working at keeping relationships strong and the lines of communication open during this break period is a valuable tool. It enables you to grow as a person and to learn who your parents are as individual beings which is good.

Keep in mind that your parents are the ones who make the decision to remain together or not. As a child your goal should be to maintain a strong and loving bond with both parents. Remember to not play one parent against the other. This causes great harm to every family member. I know this because I've been there and done that.

Don't allow yourself to fall into that trap! It can only bring great pain to you down the road. Be smart; listen to us who've already made these mistakes. We don't want you to be any more hurt, frightened or angry than you are now. That is why all of us respond to your cry for help.

Hang in, be strong, be fair, and most of all be loving and respectful to both of your parents -- don't take sides. This issue is for them to work through. We're rooting for you & your family.

[Tonya]

Meg, I am so sorry. I know how painful that is, I was your age when my parents divorced. I pm'd you. ((((hugs))))

[catnapper]

I m so very sorry.

As scared and devastated as you are, imagine what your mom is feeling! She has to know that the separation is because she wanted/needed it. She admits to being unhappy for a long time... sometimes people need to retreat and go into a cocoon to rediscover who they are... rediscover what they love about themselves as well as anybody else. She is most likely harboring guilt over leaving, putting a financial burden on her family, and breaking her kids hearts. Yet, she is making this break because she feels its going to help her become happy agan. If she felt the marriage wasn't worth saving then she would have filed divorce proceedings. She only asked for a separation... which means she knows something is good in her marriage, but she just needs to get back to feeling that way again. Depression is a scary thing (I've had bouts of it, and let me tell you, there's bnothing so desperate or miserable as that.) Sometmes a new start and feeling independance is just what you need to feel alive and real again.

Go with the flow... even thought new bathroom stuff is very low on your list, do it because its something she's excited about. If she suggests a silly night of mud masks and curlers, do it! Let her laugh and be silly, let her get excited over mundane things. My husband knows that when I break out the paint brushes to not stop me - its my own little way of breaking a small depression.... nothing as refreshing as a new coat of paint! LOL.

I wish you luck and the strength to be there for both of your parents. It is going to be a very hard six months filled with intense emotional highs and lows. Please don't resent your mom for doing what she honestly feels she needs to do for herself. Its honestlybetter that she is doing this than living a miseravle lie and taking everything out on your dad and you.

[IttyBittyKitty]

That's terrible, terrible news

I know what it's like, my parents divorced when I was eight, and my Mum divorced my stepdad (whom I am close to) when I was fourteen.

I know that you'd be feeling awful right now, wondering if maybe it's your fault, raging at your Mum for not trying harder, feeling a little bit rejected that your parents don't love you enough to stay together and a million more weird and painful emotions. These are all normal, by the way, let them out and you'll start to feel some relief soon.

When you are really truthful with yourself you will probably realise that things has probably being building up to this conclusion, even if you chose to ignore it. As far as your Mum is concerned, what she is doing is sensible. Maybe she wants to try and save the marriage. My parents tried the separation thing ... and it didn't work, but at least they tried everything they could. (Be prepared for this eventuality)

Even if your folks are not successful in saving the marriage and recovering their feelings for each other, maybe it is because both of your parents will be happier apart in time to come. I know mine were. And my brother and I would have been miserable living under the same roof as an unhappy marriage.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, pm me any time.

[G.P.girl]

I'm really sorry for what your going through. Just because they are taking abreak doesn't mean there will atomatically get a divorce. it could help them realize how much they really love ech other. even if it does end up turning in to a divorce it might not be all that bad. My parents are divorced and i wouldn't have it any other way. i wouldn't want them to be together again. I know they don't love each other like that anymore and trying to force them to do that wouldn't work...I'm sorry. i don't think this came out the way i wanted it to i'm probly going to read it later and end up editing the whole thing..i'm sorry. if you want to talk you can PM me any time. i hope things get better. in the mean time kepp your head high and try to make the best of the time you have with your parents