Alzheimer’s - Need Advice
We are going to visit Terry's family in Denver for Thanksgiving. This is the one time of year we see them. His Dad has Alzheimer's. Last year wasn't so bad because his dad was still up and about and was a little "spacey" but for the most part was still "there." It was hard on Terry because this was the first time we had seen his dad that he didn't remember who Terry was. A few times while we were there it "came to him" and he knew Terry, but for the most part he had no idea who we were or why we were there.
Well, that's the good news. The bad news is that last February, real early in the morning he wandered off outside. When Terry's step-mom finally woke up and realized he was gone, they found him laying on the side of the street - half frozen to death! He must have wandered off - with no coat mind you - then slipped and when he fell he knocked his head on a rock and knocked himself out. Seeing as it was February it was cold and dark until all hours of the morning, so none of the neighbors noticed him laying there either. They got him to a hospital and he lived, but he is not the same at all anymore. He's in a home now, where he talks to no-one, knows no-one when they come visit, can't walk so he's in a wheel chair all the time and has shriveled to almost nothing. They have to puree' his food because he has a hard time swallowing and has almost choked to death a few times.
I know it's going to be one of the hardest things Terry has ever had to do to go see him. See, Terry deal with things by pretending they're not there. So before it wasn't so bad because he could still "see" his dad even though his dad's memory was going. Now I'm afraid that the person we visit will have no resemblance to his dad whatsoever. Instead of being able to deny that his dad is not well, this is going to be the ultimate in realityl, and I'm sure it's going to be the shock of his (Terry's) life.
So my question is, how do I help Terry deal with this? Do I purposely bring it up so he has to talk about it or do I just let it lie and wait until he brings it up? I've never had to deal with anything like this in my own life, so I'm not quite sure how to help him deal with it. I know what I would do if it were one of my parents, but I can't force that onto him.....
So any advice will be appreciated, and thanks in advance.
Tubby
Spring 1986 - Dec. 11, 2004
RIP Big Boy
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Peanut
Fall 1988 - Jan. 24, 2007
RIP Snotty Girl
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Robin
Fall 1997 - Oct. 6, 2012
RIP Sweet Monkeyhead Girl
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