Why do THEY always have to win?

[jenluckenbach]

I have seen this too many times. When the wife wants a new pet and the husband does not, he always gets his way. Why is that? Are we not people with our own feelings? Do we not count? Please tell me that there are couples that do not fit this stereotype.

[jenluckenbach]

many people that I know are in that situation right now and they allow their husbands to have their ways and I don't understand why. We women should be able to live our lives OUR way sometimes, too!

[Cookiebaker]

Hi Jen,

Yes I agree that that is a basically correct stereotype of lots of relationships. My parents are very much like that for example. But for Mark & I, it totally isn't that way. Even though he wasn't keen on having any pets at the beginning, he has totally come around and loved each and every one of our critters. And the other thing is, we never have "fights". Persuasive conversations, yes...and that means that we each explain our point of views and come to a mutual conclusion. It usually means that nobody gets "their way", but we find neutral ground that is satisfactory to both.

When Mark & I were going together he definitely told me that in no way did he ever want to have a dog. It took a little while, and now he loves Malone just as much as if it had been his idea to begin with.

[Logan]

I'm a new bride and my husband knows me very well, and my love for animals. In fact, he shares it, but he and I know, we don't need anymore. Would he forbid me? I don't think so, but I think any decision would be agreed on by both of us. Even if I were still single, with the number of dogs, cats and birds I have now, I probably wouldn't add to our brood. The only thing I would do differently is that I would probably be fostering on a regular basis, but my move to a new home, more than my husband, is preventing that right now, as our backyard is not secure.

I didn't vote.

Logan

[Cincy'sMom]

This actually has sorta come up recently. I have been thinking about getting a third dog. Ralph and I have talked it over a few times and we can make a good arguement either way. He has not in anyway forbid me to get another dog...he has just asked that I talk to him first and we make a decision together, esp. if the dog is an adult (in which case we would really want our dogs to meet it first). I think when ther right dog comes along, we will end up with a third ...when is the question


When we got Oreo (when I was a teenager) my dad told us if we got another dog he was moving out. Well, 13 years later and an additional three dogs later, my parents are still happily married! I don't think he would ever forbid it either!!

[Karen]

I think every decision should be a family decision, with both adults holding equal sway, regardless of gender.

I've got my little bunny!

[mugsy]

Mike doesn't EVER forbid me to do anything (gee imagine that! lol). As for pets....need I say anything??

By the same token I don't forbid him anything either.

I think that mutual respect for each other is what's important and that discussion on major issues is necessary and that any major decision needs to be a mutual one.

[Nomilynn]

I couldn't vote either. I'm not married, but I've already had a talk about pets with my bf. He has said he would like to put a "limit" on how many cats and dogs we would have as a married couple. In a way, I think it's dumb to do that. Stuff happens - if I found a really sick animal that had been abandoned, there is no way I would leave it or anything like that. On the other hand, if I didn't have someone impartial to tell me when to quit, I might not, and there are things to think about besides loving animals, like money, space, time, commitment, etc. So I don't really know.

[Barbara]

When my husband retired we had been talking about cats for years but thought we were away from the house too much. But then it was he who took the decision to make sure some cats come in asap. We had been to all the cat shows around and so we were dreaming about an aby and then there was this ad in our local newspaper. Next thing: he was calling (in general it would have been me) and we went immediately to look at little Filou and some days later we found Tigris as well.

Ok we now have decided that 2 is fine for 2 persons but guess who has recently started talking about whether 3 would not be a very fine number??

[neko1]

I have all my kitties cause I told brian I wanted them and he said ok no problem. Neko he gave to me on our first anniversary, Cookie he rescued as a feral cat, Pumpkin we got at a shelter cause I wanted an orangie, and Tama- well his previous owner couldn't keep him anymore and she gave him to me because she knew how much I like abys.
We live in a small house so 4 cats is our limit. I do have to show a lot of restraint at work!! (I could just take every kitty home!!!) After we get married, we will start thinking about a family, so adding on to our cat one is a no-go. I love my kitties and am perfectly happy with the 4 that I have.

[jenluckenbach]

I am glad that the majority, so far, say this is not the case. But I would like to clarify that I realize FORBID is a strong word. I just needed to find a word that would convey what I meant without writing a whole sentence.
But even though all of the pet talkers' answers come as no surprise to me, I am still POSSITIVE that each and every one of you KNOWS someone where this is the case. I personnaly can think of 3 examples in my circle of people.

[DoggiesAreTheBest]

Andrew would never forbid me to from getting another dog, just as I would never forbid him. He has always been very supportive of my rescue efforts and has took in pups himself. We have a great relationship and make decisions together as a family. If he weren't that way, I would never have gotten married to him.

My parents on the other hand are going through what you are describing. My mother gave up her 2 Dobermen,, Roxy and Ozzy, when she and my dad got married. To this very day, she says she doesn't know what got into her. Her excuse: young, in love, and stupid. His excuse, dogs were unsanitary for kids growing up. My parents have had a wonderful marriage for 25 years. Now that my youngest brother moved out, my mother has been very lonely. She is a professor and teaches all her classes in the morning and has free time in the afternoon and evening. She misses us so much and wants a companion. My dad works late every other night and travels alot for business. So, I can see how she feels. She wants a lil dog! And my dad is very against it! He said he doesn't want a dog because they bark, shed, get on the furniture, and require much care. My mom told him she was willing to get a small adult dog that doesn't shed and will train it not to get on the furniture. Mom is pretty active, so I know the dog will be well exercised and tired by the time dad gets home. He isn't home much anyway, so why is is he worried that is requires much care. She is looking at a toy poodle or maltese.

That was long! In conclusion, mom has decided to rescue a little dog when she come to America in the summer. She doesn't care what my dad says anymore. We both think he will come around eventually. And if he doesn't, mom said there are 3 guest bedrooms, let him take a pick!

[Dixieland Dancer]

I have learned that my husband needs his ego massaged sometimes to understand my point of view. Then he usually sees things more clearly! LOL

Seriously though... I have a very strong will and so does he so we do tend to clash on certain things. We have learned to understand each others strengths and weaknesses and to rely on the others strengths when it comes major decisions. On things we don't see eye to eye on, we usually let go. If it were about getting another animal, I think I am more of the one holding back on getting more. But then I am the one who feeds them, trains them, baths them, cleans up after them, etc.... He just gets to pet them and love them!

[wolf_Q]

I'm not married...my parents are kind this way though. All these years I'd been begging for another dog, I really think my mom would have let me. For my dad it was NO WAY, no talking, no chance, nothing. Funny thing is, my dad obviously loves Nebo more then my mom does now! He babies him.

I would never marry somebody who would not at least let me have 2 dogs. I think it should be a mutual descision, I certainly would not want to have pets in a household where one of the members did not like them! I really do think, however, that we need to respect eachothers wishes, and it is possible to go too far with the amount of pets. Do what you financially can provide for.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Originally posted by Dixieland Dancer
I have learned that my husband needs his ego massaged sometimes to understand my point of view. Then he usually sees things more clearly! LOL

Seriously though... I have a very strong will and so does he so we do tend to clash on certain things. We have learned to understand each others strengths and weaknesses and to rely on the others strengths when it comes major decisions. On things we don't see eye to eye on, we usually let go. If it were about getting another animal, I think I am more of the one holding back on getting more. But then I am the one who feeds them, trains them, baths them, cleans up after them, etc.... He just gets to pet them and love them!

This just about describes me and Terry perfectly! The only difference is I would get another cat in a heartbeat, but deep down I know it's not the best decision, and having Terry telling me no is probably a good thing. I, too, would end up feeding it, cleaning up after it, taking it to the vet, paying for the vet and everything else that goes along with another cat. All he would do is pet it and love it.....and complain when it threw up on the carpet.

Terry and I have a weird sortof relationship. We are not married and don't intend to get married. He owned his home before I showed up, so he pays the mortgage and all related house bills. So technically I live in his house, even though it is my home too. He didn't want any animals in the first place, so he did compromise by allowing Tubby and Peanut in, although I wouldn't have moved in had they not been allowed in so that's a whole other story. But I respect his wishes to not add more critters, realizing it's probably the best for me too.

So I did vote that I allowed him to forbid me, but like Jen said, forbid is a strong word, and I would say that it's more like I go along with his opinion that it wouldn't be a good idea if we got another cat, or like Nomilynn, I need someone to tell me no otherwise I'd have a house full, and nowhere to live because where in Chicago can you live with a house full of cats if you don't own your own home - and there's no way I can afford that on my own with a house full of cats.

Anyway, I think you get the idea. Terry has come very close to bringing another one home, and if it ever got to the point where I just had to have another one, I'd do like Dixieland Dancer and just massage his ego a little - make it seem like it's his idea that we get another cat.