Ember is not working out. :(

[snakemama]

I'm writing with a heavy heart to let PT know that my little Ember is not working out here.

In short, he is beating the snot out of Kyubey.

When they two kitties first met, Kyubey was eager to make friends, and Ember was too. Ember seemed to play a little rough, so we would try to distract him and make sure he got plenty of playtime with us two-leggers to keep him busy. Thankfully, Kyubey has a tall hiding spot that Ember can't get up to.

It's only gotten worse over the last few weeks, and I am scared that Ember is going to seriously injure Kyubey one of these days. Ember plays with Kyubey by LAUNCHING himself at Kyubey's face, wrapping his paws around Kyubey's neck, and bunny-kicking with his back feet while ripping out Kyubey's chest hair. He is often seen with a big tuft of white hair hanging out of his mouth.

We are continuing to try and distract him from Kyubey, and I play with him A LOT...I only work 25 hours a week, so I'm home a lot to play with him...the other night I kept switching out wand toys and we played for more than two hours straight. Ember was panting by the end of it, and laying down every time he stopped running. Still, when I turned the lights out for bed twenty minutes later, he attacked Kyubey immediately.

For his part, Kyubey will not stick up for himself. He lays on his back crying, and only occasionally will he hiss or try to get away. He still approaches Ember to touch noses and try to make friends, but it always ends with Kyubey on the floor being beaten up and crying. Kyubey is starting to lose weight and pull the fur out of his back (something he does when very stressed), so we've put ourselves on the list to return Ember to the no-kill shelter where we got him.

For my part, I've learned that I need to be VERY thorough when reading the records of a cat I'm adopting. on 10/19, I was looking through Ember's shelter paperwork to find his rabies certificate when I spotted two important notes under the heading "Behavior":

First: "If adopted into a multi-cat home please educate on proper cat to cat introductions. Harper is a very active cat with a rough play style. He may be too overwhelming for more mellow or shy cats."

Then: "very rough player and will target/pin smaller cats to the ground. Not a candidate for the community room."

I was LIVID. I KNOW Kyubey is about as mellow as they come, and I would have passed Ember up if I had seen that he wasn't a suitable companion. I realize it's partly my fault for not reading, but I had 12+ pages of paper in front of me and I missed those two notes. I really really really wish I'd been told.

[Karen]

Hopefully he will find a home with another kitty who will stand up for itself. So sorry to hear it is not working out!

[Taz_Zoee]

That's something the shelter should have informed you of immediately. We always ask if they have other cats in the house. Cats that should be the only cat in the house have special notes stating this. We probably would have listed this cat as only cat household. We wouldn't want to take a chance on a mellow kitty or any other resident cat.

Please do not feel bad about taking him back. You can't put Kyubey through that. It's not fair to him. Ember will find the right home. Don't worry.

[Freedom]

This is so hard all around - for you, and for Ember. For now, be sure to keep his claws trimmed. Blunt edges to much less damage than points.

I agree, he does not fit this home setting. You do need to spell it out to them: they HAVE to make this clear up front with any adopter.

[kaycountrygal]

I'm sorry it's not working out with Ember. However, I am sure you have done your very best. Yes, the place you got Ember from should definitely have told you about his behavior with other cats--not your fault. I feel sorry for your K cat--poor fellow. He will be so relieved I'm sure when Ember is gone. K sounds as if he is a very sweet boy.

[snakemama]

Thank you everyone. I'm really discouraged and frustrated, and I know the cats are both frustrated right now too. I'm keeping Ember's claws very blunt and letting Kyubey's grow for now. I am going to call the shelter Monday if I haven't heard from them and see if they can please please make room for him.

The person I spoke to about his behavior pretty much just suggested that I play with him more and get him some interactive toys that he can play with while we're out of the house. I was rather frustrated by the advice because I already play with him a LOT, and I have bought both a battery-powered table-laser thingy and a ...er...I forget what it's called...a fabric circle with an electronic 'mouse' that whirls around for him to chase. We also have half a dozen or so of those ball-track round toys scattered throughout the house, which I hear him playing with regularly. I set aside 20-30 minutes to play with him in the morning and the evening, and I toss toys for him whenever I get a chance throughout the day. During his morning and evening play sessions, we go until he is panting and laying down every time he catches the toy. I work part-time so I'm home to play fetch with him a lot too!

When it was suggested I play with him MORE, I took the next few days and made sure he got at least two hours of active play. He was exhausted! Still, twenty minutes after I turned out the lights to go to bed he was all over Kyubey, and he started again at dawn. >.< My friend was over last night and we decided that Ember is the feline equivalent of a Jack Russell terrier...energetic, wickedly smart, with a shot-out-of-a-cannon play style.

[Pinot's Mom]

You have to give him back if he is harming your other cat, the shelter should have made the behavior issue we'll known. I'm sorry it didn't work-you did what you could.

[Randi]

Poor Kyuby. He must be so stressed and frightened. So don't feel bad about taking Ember back. They should have told you how have he behaves with other cats.

Best of luck, and hugs!

[phesina]

I am so sorry about this painful situation for all concerned. I wish all the best for all of you, especially Kyubey, Ember, and you.

[snakemama]

Something very odd has happened - I put Ember by himself in the upstairs bathroom with a cat tree, toys, etc...and once he had been alone for a few hours his entire personality changed toward me. He was the affectionate, loving kitten I fell for at the shelter again! Before I isolated him, he was so overstimulated that he bit me badly just for trying to pet him! (now he's on a ten-day bite quarantine -_-) I really do think he will be perfect as someone's only cat!

I'm going to try and spend lots of time with him while he's isolated, but I've decided that he is staying in that bathroom until the shelter calls and tells me they have room for him. Even if he's a little pent-up, he seems more relaxed without Kyubey around, as much as Kyubey seems more relaxed without him around!!

[katladyd]

you are doing the right thing for both Kyubey and Ember. My Kimba always played very aggressively with Mac andMing. Now that they have passed he is a total sweetheart, just the cuddliest, lovingest, cat you could ever have. I think we will be a one cat family for awhile.