Oh thank you all from the bottom of my heart, the lovely words expressed here are just amazing and so comforting to me, i thank you all for taking the time to come here and post them,i will treasure them forever.
Today has been hard, getting up was the worst, not finding her there to greet me, yes looking after a terminally ill patient is very emotionally and physically demanding,but when it all ends you just want it to be like that again, i know in time it will make life easier, but truthfully i would rather have my wee girl back.
Every morning, i had to mash her food up, heat it in the microwave, and then pat and stroke, her and talk to her to encourage her to eat, for over two years now first with her mouth problem and then the cancer,then one had to use the fork to push up a bit so she could eat it easier, Ellie always responded to the pats and chats, even in the last few days, i would sit right beside her, and say come on sweetie you can do it,and she would eat for me, even just a little, i felt she did it just to please me,especially in those last days.
I finished decorating her box this morning, and when my daughter gets home to say her goodbyes, and put her messages there i will post a pic of her before we bury her out in the courtyard, she will be in a place that i saved for her, i had it in my mind all a long,but did not want to share it, as i just kept hoping Ellie would beat this, although she tried, and my gosh she tried so hard, a real little fighter with so much spirit ,alas it was not to be.
She will be so close beside me, i have a table and chairs right beside where her grave will be and it is by my chair.
I am so fortunate to have such caring friends here that understand so well how i feel, i also have a close friend who has been ringing me with support, my hubby is great, a facebook friend wonderful, and my mother came over to hug me and see Ellie,even those who don't really understand quite the same as we do here, are kind because they love me and hate seeing me in pain.
I also wanted to say i am so sorry for others who have posted here, that the pain of loosing their beloved furbaby is still so raw, and i hope in time you will feel better, time does heal, but it takes it's time.
I am worried about Nikkita, i am not sure if she is a bit off colour at the moment, but she is also sad, i can see it, i feel so much for her poor furbaby, this is her mama, she has been with her all her life, she has had a few sniffs of her , but that is all,but she just looks sad, and is being a bit odd,a bit distance, but i just give her lots of cuddles and love.
I made the decision not to replace any of my furbabies as they pass on a while ago, financially it has been extremely difficult and i just want the best for any kitty i have, we have done as best we could, and i don't out rule owning one cat, but it will be either none or just one,also the emotional toll on me has just been too much,don't think i can take much more, two kitties lost in two years.
I am already thinking about the lovely memories i have of my special girl, how when she first came here, I would hear this unusual chirpy loud noise outside, and i would find Ellie outside with a stick or maybe a sausage, gosh knows where she got that from, she was letting me see it, so funny, she also used to follow me and stay outside the bathroom when i was having a bath, and start her miaowing, i often just had to let her in to see me, this was in the much earlier days, most of these she has stopped in later years,how she used to just sit there and stare at me constantly until i got up and fed her,this was in the later years when the steriods made her constantly hungry, i never could feed her enough then.I remember how an easily stressed wee cat she was, hated thunder, storms ,guy fawkes, always wanted outside at these times, because she was a complete outdoor kitty when i rescued her, she saw outside as her safe haven, but after a year or two she finally realised inside was the safest place to be.
I also remember the day i was really sick, how she jumped up on the bed sat very near my head and went to sleep, this was most unlike her as she was not one to snuggle up on the bed with you, i think she sensed it , she was a very sensitive cat and she came to comfort me,in fact i am convinced of it.
Yes Ellie was different to any other cat i have ever owned or known,she was very very special, i will miss her so much, i just still not imagine how life will be without her, just sad and hard, but i know in time things will heal, she will never be forgotten and is within my heart and memories forever.
GOODBYE my gorgeous girl, until we meet again my precious girl, LOVE YOU FOREVER.
❤️❤️
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