Crisis of Faith

**NicoleLJ** · 07-08-2010, 05:40 PM

Sorry if this ends up a bit long. I am having a crisis of faith. I have been a member of the LDS church for 31 years. Basically since I was 3yrs old. My mother was very fanatical in the religion and also extremely abusive as well. She would use the church as her means and excuse to control us or punish us. She would go to the LDS temple (not the church that you go to each Sunday) and then come home and tell us that christ told her to punish us this way or that way. TV was restricted, music was restricted, friends completely controled. I knew no other life.

For very personal reasons, and on the advice of my therapist and psychologist, I have removed my mother from my life. And with in a few months I started to wonder what I truely believe in. There are many things about my religion that I have a hard time agreeing with. The politics in the religion itself is hard for me to watch. I ended up stopping going to church. My friends started to notice how much more relaxed and secure I was becoming. They I got ride of the many books and so on that list all the rules we have. Agian people were noticing a positive change in me.

My dilema is that the people I go to church with will not accept that I need to step back and figure out what I truely feel about my reliegion and what is honestly just brainwashing from my mother over the years. I understand this can happen in any religion, not just the LDS church. So it is not really about the religion itself but the fact that I am being condemed as a person because I do not know what I believe. No one from my church wants to talk to me. And when they see me on the street they have to lecture me about how I know better and how this will affect me badly in the end and how disappointed they are. The few that come to my house once a month (it is their calling) don't do it to see how I am but just to preach to me and I am frankly getting tired of it.

It is really disheartening that I have been in this religion so long and yet not one person accepts me as I am whether I come back or not. My religion does not make up who I am completely. It is only one part of me.

Sorry for the rant. Every time one of the lecture me I instantly feel so guilty that I have to remind myself why I am taking a break. And I try to explain it to them but they just talk over me about how I am doing the wrong thing.

I honestly thought one of the main teachings of religion was love an acceptance. Now I am not so sure.

**sirrahbed** · 07-08-2010, 05:57 PM

I am sorry to read this - sounds like you have had such a rigid upbringing and now have this crisis. I am saddened that your former friends feel they have to lecture you rather than love and listen to you. Perhaps they are also victims of such a rigid and judgemental viewpoint? A good thing is that faith does not depend on us at all, it is a gift of God and even though you may not feel it, God does not ever change. *People*, sinful people... screw this up. So hang in there and try to find some new friends who love and support you ok? (((HUGS)))

**NicoleLJ** · 07-08-2010, 06:15 PM

THanks. My hardest hurdle is honestly figuring out what I believe and what is brainwashing. I didn't really see how bad it was till my fiance tried having a discussion with me and he said all my points I made were based on my church and didn't I have a personal opinion that was not word for word doctrine of my religion. Then when he asked me to explain why I think a certian thing should be this way I couldn't without referencing my religious teaching. And in all honesty it made no sense without it.

Scared me a little to realize that.

**Cataholic** · 07-08-2010, 06:50 PM

I am thankful my parents never crammed religion down my throat. Ever. I was raised presbyterian, attended church into my teens, was baptised, had communion and was confirmed. I never felt 'tied' to a religous belief, and while I don't like this statment, have always felt more spiritual then religious. I also like the saying that attending church doesn't make you a christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I attended a quaker college. WOW. What a group of people. So non judgmental, so non-everything- but I liked the convictions, the quiteness of it all.

Now, WAY past college (LOL, like 20 plus years), and having experienced some other things in life, some other religions, some other churches and lots and lots of 'christians', I look at things differently.

My relationship with God is MY relationship. Any person that tries to tell ME what God means, intends, belives, stands for, etc., is totally entitled to THEIR beliefs. Mine are my own. I feel no need to argue or defend my position. I try to be 'good'. I fail. I try to make amends, I try to do better, I try to witness. I realize that everyday is a day to be better, not bitter. I haven't gone to a church in forever. If that causes other people pause, totally ok with me. I don't answer to other people. I answer to MY higher power. If they think they have an in with that higher power- peace be with them. Not my business.

Anyone that uses religion as a weapon, rather than an umbrella to shield/soothe/comfort you, isn't -IMO- Godlike. I would distance myself from them and find people that share your beliefs. That isn't a cop-out, that isn't a way to say to heck with organized religion. It is a way to say that organized 'religion' stops being religious when it separates us from what we are supposed to cling to most closely. Those are man's laws/issues, not God's.

**Catty1** · 07-08-2010, 06:53 PM

Nicole - it is some religions' calling to call on people to talk to them, but many many people either don't answer the door, or tell them to not call there again - nicely.

If you move again - don't given them a change of address notice!

**NicoleLJ** · 07-08-2010, 06:53 PM

WOW is all I can say about Cats post. Defiantely food for thought.

**Catty1** · 07-08-2010, 06:54 PM

Nicole was responding to YOUR post, Johanna - not mine! We typed at the same time.

**NicoleLJ** · 07-08-2010, 07:10 PM

Thanks. We are moving this month. And I am not planing to send them my addy.

**Marigold2** · 07-08-2010, 08:06 PM

It sounds like the people in your church are brainwashed into thinking that unless you belong to their church and their faith you will not be saved.
Do what makes you happy. Only you can decide what is best for your soul. Every church will try and control you to some extent, why because the need members, members mean money? Who goes to heaven? The Jews who don't believe in JC, the Lutherans, the Catholics, the Mormons, Jehovah Witness, Islam, Budda. Who will it be? No one really knows. So none are correct and none are wrong. Don't let someone tell you that you have to do this or that or believe this way or that way. Look into your heart and let it be your guide.
But most of all, just be happy. I am glad you don't see your mom. That must have been hard for you. You are very brave and wise.

**Catherinedana** · 07-08-2010, 08:15 PM

I believe faith to be deeply personal and individual. No one can force you to believe anything and if they try, at some point you will need to step back and take a look at what has been imposed on you. That is what you are doing now. You are not having a crisis of faith, you are having an awakening. There are many options for you and if the religious group that you were formally a part of does not accept you, you can spend time alone, reflecting on your beliefs or you can find another community that will. Take the time you need to find your truth; it will feel right and true and beautiful when you do. There is not hurry - you have a lifetime. Continue to learn about yourself and allow it to come to you.

Peace,
Cathy

**Twisterdog** · 07-08-2010, 08:47 PM

IMHO ...

The Higher Power in our lives, and in the universe, does not answer to one name and only one name that a small group of petty little human beings invented. It makes no difference whether you say God, Jehovah, Allah or Brahma when you pray ... the same entity hears you.

God (as the arbitrary name I was taught) is everywhere, in everyone and every thing. He is not only in a church or a mosque or a synagogue. He does not only love Jews, or Christians, or Hindus, or Mormons.

Organized religion is an invention of man, not God. God never told us to join a particular church, or join a church period. If a particular religion makes you happy, and feel close to God, then by all means, join it and stick with it. But if an organized religion makes you feel sad, guilty, worthless, ashamed or bad ... by all means ... get out of it! That is a group of people following people's rules - not God's.

**Karen** · 07-08-2010, 08:54 PM

I think that moving will be a positive thing for you. You can start over in a new community, and maybe even visit a few different churches, and see if you find that appeals to you without condemning you. Were you moving here, I'd invite you to my church, and we'd welcome you, I promise.

One's faith, as Cataholic said, is deeply personal - and we respect that.

**sirrahbed** · 07-09-2010, 08:52 AM

Woke up thinking about you Nicole and have been praying for your peace. It sure sounds like you are beginning a new and healthier life. Growing up within an enclosed and rigid set of rules - it must be somewhat scary to leave that behind - even if it is best for you. Thankfully, no group of people have an inside track to heaven even if they think they do and you have heard this all of your life. I have been in a similar situation and it is very hard to sort out what you believe and what you have been taught to believe you know? It is somewhat like growing up within a cult or abusive situation (not that this is exactly what you come from) just similar. Sounds like you have a very sensitive fiance and I am glad he was able to point out that you could only answer questions in a certain way that parrot the church you were raised in. Scary to realize I am sure!! But as someone above said - perhaps what is happening is less of a crisis and more of an enlightenment or awakening

There is no perfect church because they are all filled with sinful selfish people. God knows us inside out though - sees past all of that hurt and baggage. It may take time to be "deprogrammed" enough to sort out what was brainwashing and what was based on truth. Good for you removing all of the literature and books of rules. I hope that you still have a Bible, just a plain Bible - to read if you want to. More (((HUGS))) to you - hope that someday you will find a group of people (like your husband to be) who listen to you and love you and share common beliefs with you.

**Pawsitive Thinking** · 07-09-2010, 10:03 AM

Your faith is your own and how you choose to practice it is up to you - in a church or in a field, its all the same if its what you believe in. Nobody should be forcing you to go to church or telling you that you are doing something wrong. Keep strong

**smokey the elder** · 07-09-2010, 10:37 AM

I think it's important to decouple faith from dogma; IMO they have nothing to do with each other. Faith is personal, dogma is imposed by some organization which often has an agenda. It's seen over and over again in many organized religions. Religions that are less dogmatic, like the Society of Friends, aka the Quakers; or Unitarian Universalism can be good ones to explore if one is interested in the fellowship aspects of faith.