A request to parents

[Karen]

A childhood friend of my sister's lost most of her hearing in a riding accident when she was in her twenties. She now lives a couple states away, but when her first child was about 2 1/2, they were visiting my sister one day when I was there. At one point, her son decided he didn't want to be ignored, and let out the most high-pitched and piercing noise I have ever heard come from a human being. As we all simultaneously jumped, flinched and covered our ears, the sound abruptly stopped as the mom reached down and clapped her hand over her son's mouth.

"Mommy can HEAR that noise" was her simple explanation! Thankfully, he learned not long afterwards to never use that noise outside of his own home again!

[carole]

Wow i think some of you totally over-reacted to Marigolds Post, and took it so personally, which is was not IMO,i can hear what she is saying, she was not being offensive to anyone with kids, being a mother herself, we all have had noisy kids ,your kids can play, have fun ,make some noise without being over the top, it is called consideration for others.

I love the sound of hearing kids happy playing , i have two or three across the road from where i live,but she is not talking about that, screaming is another story, and hey give her a break, we all have bad days, where we cannot tolerate things we normally could, and as you get older your toleration for noise gets less,one day you will be older yourself, so keep that in mind.

I completely understand what she was saying and i think it was taken totally out of context.

[krazyaboutkatz]

I live in a condo on the second floor so there are people above me and below me as well as on both sides of me. I've lived here for a little over 21 years now. I know that there will always be noise but I've also noticed that as I've gotten older that loud noise and crowds bother me much more now than when I was younger. I've also had my share of very rude and noisy roommates in the past. Now this is unacceptable and I'm now finally living by myself. Many years ago I decided to start wearing ear plugs while I sleep and this has helped me a lot. Now even when I sleep some where else I need to sleep with ear plugs or it just doesn't seem right.

When I've visited my brothers home, I wasn't used to hearing screaming, crying children so this really bothered me so I can relate to what you're saying. Children playing happily is a different story and it doesn't bother me at all. I still say that I'd rather have cats that are eternal toddlers than children living with me at this time in my life. At least you live in a house where you can shut out most of the noise.

[Cataholic]

No question, screaming children would bother me. It might make me think something is wrong, at first, but then I would be irritated. Little girls seem to be the worst offenders, though J can screech (and I quickly remind him not to).

However, barking dogs, leaf blowers, car horns, music too loud, and drunk adults also bother me. I live in a subdivision and expect that I will have to put up with noise.

As a parent to a little child, I don't necessarily take offense at people and their anti-children comments. BUT, I do recognize that if I said, "I hate fat people", or "I hate smokers", or "I hate old people", or "I hate dogs/cats", or "I hate mexicans" (and, no, Richard..this doesn't include you), people would probably call me on the comment. As they should. I don't get the concept of 'hating' or 'disliking' a child. You don't want a child, wonderful..don't have one. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. But, to pretend the comment about not liking a child won't raise hackles is kind of silly. To me.

[Marigold2]

That is so funny..............

A childhood friend of my sister's lost most of her hearing in a riding accident when she was in her twenties. She now lives a couple states away, but when her first child was about 2 1/2, they were visiting my sister one day when I was there. At one point, her son decided he didn't want to be ignored, and let out the most high-pitched and piercing noise I have ever heard come from a human being. As we all simultaneously jumped, flinched and covered our ears, the sound abruptly stopped as the mom reached down and clapped her hand over her son's mouth.

"Mommy can HEAR that noise" was her simple explanation! Thankfully, he learned not long afterwards to never use that noise outside of his own home again!

[Cookiebaker]

Hummm, interesting thread. I have a 3.5 year old, and I have taught her to be loud outside only. When we are inside and around other people, in stores, in a restaurant, at the mall, etc. she is not allowed to scream, screech, or be excessively loud. And she knows that when she has freedom outside she can be as loud as she likes. That is what the great outdoors is for.

Sorry you are irritated Marigold, but kids will be kids. Maybe if you took the time to know the children, took an interest in what they are doing or playing you wouldn't feel irritated any more. And you might just make the life of a child that much richer for it.

[Catlady711]

I am unfortunate enough to be surrounded by 4 houses of screaming, tresspassing kids like those, (that moved in after I was already here). I can TOTALLY empathize with your day and wanting peace when you got home. My neighbors are so bad that when the kids finally get too loud even to them, they scream obsenities out their windows back at the children to shut up. Then we wonder where they learned to scream in the first place.

I solved the tresspassing (which included digging holes in my back yard, ripping a shrub of mine in half with their bare hands, shooting my songbirds, and shooting the veggies in my garden with BB guns) by calling the cops repeatedly for tresspassing and destruction of propery, and often including video or pictures of them doing it (since the parents would often say 'my kid couldnt have done that). While the parents think I'm 'mean' and 'picking on their children' for not letting their kids use my yard like their own personal playground, I no longer have much problem with the tresspassing.

That said I felt the need to comment on a couple things in particular.

What ya gonna do? Kids will scream in pools and that is life, they have short memories, five minutes later it continues to eye splitting levels. Show me a kid that doens't scream in a pool and I will be shocked.

I was raised not to scream unless I was hurt or someone was trying to take me. My mom always emphasized that if I were to scream all the time she'd never know when I was actually in trouble. I also spent alot of time at my grandparents trailer at the lake. I was explicity told that there was to be NO screaming near the water unless I was drowning or in trouble otherwise people would never know the difference. Not that I never talked loud or was in a fit of laughter with my friends, but I was raise that you NEVER scream unless you are hurt, or in trouble. Failure to follow that rule resulted in one warning only, if it was repeated then I had to go in for the remainder of the day and be quiet.

Perhaps we parents of youngsters should shut them up in the house and give them each a video game to keep them quiet and docile (and fat). Put up a fence and earplugs if you don't want to hear children play.
*rant over*

go for walk somewhere quiet instead maybe?

Rather than shut the kids up with a video game, why not take the time to actually play and interact with them and teach them the difference between 'outdoor voices' and screaming? Why should one be forced to wear earplugs in one's own house because parents haven't taught their children the difference between 'outdoor voices' and 'screaming'? Why should a person be forced the expense of putting up a fence because parents haven't taught their children that tresspassing is not only rude but ILLEGAL? Why should a person have to go somewhere other than their own home to have quiet time? Why can't the kids go to a local playground if they want to be loud, that's what those are for?

I'm always amazed when I go by a park how FEW children are actually there, and even fewer parents with them.

Hummm, interesting thread. I have a 3.5 year old, and I have taught her to be loud outside only. When we are inside and around other people, in stores, in a restaurant, at the mall, etc. she is not allowed to scream, screech, or be excessively loud. And she knows that when she has freedom outside she can be as loud as she likes. That is what the great outdoors is for.

I would hope that you either don't have any close neighbors, or that your child's version of being loud outside doesn't include screaming. Otherwise in giving your child her 'freedom', you are taking away the freedom of your close neighbors to have quiet in their own home. And if your child typically screams outdoors, how is anyone to know when she is actually hurt or in trouble?

The sounds of happy children playing and the sound of kids screaming are two different things.

AMEN!!

[carole]

I think when this generation gets older they will feel much the same, it just goes with age, your tolerance levels are not as high as when young,i think it is just considerate to teach your children to not be too loud, my kids always enjoyed playing, laughing, but i would not let them go over board, as i would consider others, i have a real elderly neighbour, so i thought about her when the kids were little, why can everyone not do that? it is not that hard, and it does not mean kids cannot be kids.

There is a time and place for everything .

[Cookiebaker]

I would hope that you either don't have any close neighbors, or that your child's version of being loud outside doesn't include screaming. Otherwise in giving your child her 'freedom', you are taking away the freedom of your close neighbors to have quiet in their own home. And if your child typically screams outdoors, how is anyone to know when she is actually hurt or in trouble?

I refuse to feel guilty about allowing my daughter to be loud in the great outdoors. I don't believe in the mentality that children should be seen and not heard. I believe in training children to be loud when and where its appropriate, and likewise to be quiet where its appropriate. Children are not much different than some pets in they have lots of energy that needs to get burned off or they go stir-crazy. The great outdoors is exactly where that energy should be burned off!!!! Fresh air, under the great blue sky, in the green grass. If you take that away from children, then what is left???? And for the record, my daughter does not go outside before 9 am, and is inside after 7 pm.

There is a BIG difference between happy-shouting and hurt-screaming....a BIG one. There is no mistaking one from another.

Face it, its part of living in society that we get along with other people, and they get along with us. We have a neighbor who goes to work at 4 am, when they tie their big German Shepherd out....said dog barks from 4 am until sunup every single day.

We have neighbors on our left who 3-4 times a summer throw loud parties, all night long on the river. This includes loud(!) music and fireworks at 11 pm, 2 am, 3 am etc. These neighbors also are in the habit of 1-2 times per month filling our house up with smoke when they decide to burn some super stinky trash.

Do we complain? No. We grin and bear it because we know that we also likely have just as annoying habits to them as they do to us.

One reason that I love Jesus so much.....He wasn't ever annoyed with children, He welcomed them with open arms and said, "Let the little children come to me", even though they were dirty, loud, and in the way.

[Karen]

There is a BIG difference between happy-shouting and hurt-screaming....a BIG one. There is no mistaking one from another.

I beg to differ on that one, you never heard my neighbor child when she was younger. She never was kidnapped or threatened, thankfully, but you would not have known it from her screams! I don't know how many times I went out to check, to see her playing, not in trouble.

[Randi]

Why should one be forced to wear earplugs in one's own house. Why should a person have to go somewhere other than their own home to have quiet time? Giving your child her 'freedom', you are taking away the freedom of your close neighbors to have quiet in their own home.

I so agree with this! There's been days it was so noisy here that I couldn't read, couldn't concentrate on work I had to do on the computer, and not even be able to hear what they said on TV. That really is annoying! So I can certainly sympathise with some of you.

[momcat]

Marigold, I understand exactly what you're saying and I couldn't agree more. There are kids next door to us that scream and or cry constantly. We're on the first floor of a rowhouse and our upstairs neighbors moved a few months ago. These brats keep running up the stairs yelling and screaming the whole time. The parents play the radio so loud at night you'd swear it was in our place. The police have been called several times, things change for a day or two then the noise level goes off the chart again. Ours always was a quiet neighborhood, the other kids on the street play outside and have a great time without excessive screaming. They don't have to shatter everyone's eardrums to have fun or let off steam.

[mruffruff]

I agree completely with Catlady711.

I too was taught not to scream unless it was for a darned good reason. The kids today haven't been taught that there is a difference between yelling and screaming.

My neighborhood has a few screamers. One day I approached them while they were playing. I told them the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I explained that I was worried they were being hurt when they screamed, but I understand yelling and playing 'cause I was young once.

That seemed to work. They now have kids of their own who visit. They play outside and get loud, but no screaming.

Unfortunately, too many people forget that their right to make noise bumps into others right to quiet.

[carole]

well said.

[Catlady711]

I refuse to feel guilty about allowing my daughter to be loud in the great outdoors. I don't believe in the mentality that children should be seen and not heard. I believe in training children to be loud when and where its appropriate, and likewise to be quiet where its appropriate. Children are not much different than some pets in they have lots of energy that needs to get burned off or they go stir-crazy. The great outdoors is exactly where that energy should be burned off!!!! Fresh air, under the great blue sky, in the green grass. If you take that away from children, then what is left???? And for the record, my daughter does not go outside before 9 am, and is inside after 7 pm.

I've never believed in 'seen but not heard'. Yes the 'great outdoors' is fine for making loud noises, but not near close neighbors whether that's in your own backyard, or a campground, or public place with people's homes nearby. And certainly screaming one's head off is never appropriate unless you are injured or in trouble.

You are a rarity since your daughter goes in after 7. In my neighborhood children are out screaming until at least midnight some nights in the summertime, and many times unsupervised at that.

There is a BIG difference between happy-shouting and hurt-screaming....a BIG one. There is no mistaking one from another.

Not in my neighborhood!!! I long ago gave up checking on the neighbor kids for trouble when I realized they were ALWAYS screaming as if in pain, when they were only playing. Heck at this point the entire neighborhood is so accousomed to their screams I'm sure they could be murdered right in the street or kidnapped and not one person around here would check outside to see what was going on since there would be no difference in the sound.

Face it, its part of living in society that we get along with other people, and they get along with us. We have a neighbor who goes to work at 4 am, when they tie their big German Shepherd out....said dog barks from 4 am until sunup every single day.
We have neighbors on our left who 3-4 times a summer throw loud parties, all night long on the river. This includes loud(!) music and fireworks at 11 pm, 2 am, 3 am etc. These neighbors also are in the habit of 1-2 times per month filling our house up with smoke when they decide to burn some super stinky trash.

And I have, and do, call the police on every one of those. Getting along with people doesn't mean having to be tortured by unnecessary noise in your own home for the sake of you being able to be as noisy as you want in return.

One reason that I love Jesus so much.....He wasn't ever annoyed with children, He welcomed them with open arms and said, "Let the little children come to me", even though they were dirty, loud, and in the way.

And also in the bible:
Psalms 131:2 Surely I have behaved and quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother

Isaiah 32:17-18 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places;

1Tim. 2:2 For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.

I beg to differ on that one, you never heard my neighbor child when she was younger. She never was kidnapped or threatened, thankfully, but you would not have known it from her screams! I don't know how many times I went out to check, to see her playing, not in trouble.

Gosh Karen, I feel for you!! I think your neighbors must be related to mine!!