The things people say to an expecting/new mom...

[popcornbird]

Two frequent comments I've been thinking about:

When I was pregnant, many people commented during random conversations: "Your life will be changed forever."

True, every new thing in life changes life, but they seemed to imply it in a negative way. I couldn't help but feel EVERYTHING new in life changes life forever, and it starts in childhood. The birth of a new sibling changes life forever. Starting school changes life forever. Getting a new friend changes life forever. Getting married changes life forever...and...having a new baby changes life forever. So why do people always comment on a baby changing life forever, when life in itself is an ever-changing process? Have any of you ever wondered about this?

Another frequent advice I heard too often:

"Sleep when baby sleeps."

WHAT? How? LOL!

Other than sleeping in the night, how is it possible to sleep when baby sleeps...unless I want to live in a filthy, unorganized house, never prepare meals, never do the laundry, and never do the important tasks in life that need to be done?


My thoughts based on my developing experience with a baby:

My life certainly changed forever after the birth of my child, but in a wonderful way. It changed forever because I have experienced a joy that I never once knew. People seem to imply that having a baby strips you of freedom, but seriously...who needs the freedom to go out and about at night when you have the joy of nurturing and raising a beautiful tiny little human being, who brings such joy to you with his smiles and coos, making you forget every bit of work and hardship he has caused you?

My thoughts on sleeping when baby sleeps? I just can't do it. God blessed us with a wonderful baby who sleeps well through the night, and also takes several naps in the day. His nap times are my times to cook, clean, do the laundry, make his baby book, read, call my friends, check my emails, etc. If I were to sleep, I can imagine how my life would be. Constantly frustrated because everyday would pass by without getting anything done.

What are your thoughts on this, moms?

Any other frequent comments/parenting advice that bugs you because it just doesn't make any sense?

[prechrswife]

I think the "sleep when baby sleeps" advice is meant more for the very early newborn stage, when your body is still going through all of the postpartum readjustments. At that point, it is practical. Later, though, not so much.

[caseysmom]

Yes exactly prechrswife. I had such a loss of blood with my first cesarean and I asked not to get a transfusion even though I needed one. I definetely slept a lot when she slept the first month and my house survived but more importantly I healed and hubby helped with the cooking.

[Lady's Human]

Other than sleeping in the night, how is it possible to sleep when baby sleeps...unless I want to live in a filthy, unorganized house, never prepare meals, never do the laundry, and never do the important tasks in life that need to be done?

Very simple....................Parents. It's a plural. Men can do housework, too.

[Cataholic]

When you have a baby that didn't sleep through the night until into his second year, you sleep when the baby sleeps quite nicely, thank you very much. ; )
I told J 2 weeks ago that I missed our naps together! He said that I can sleep on my own now.

As to the clean house, etc? Lots of things seem more important to me than that, now. We live with more dirt and clutter, and mess, I suppose. I can either clean, cook, do crafts, OR spend time with J. He wins out 99 times out of 100. Naptime was good for that. I got stuff done. He hasn't napped in years, lol.

[Cookiebaker]

PCB, I always love your posts...good stuff to think about.

Just as everything in life, I think there's a balance. You are absolutely right when you say, "who needs the freedom to go out and about at night when you have the joy of nurturing and raising a beautiful tiny little human being".

However, in my (oh so very limited) experience, its so much more than that, its the ongoing sacrifice. For me, it hasn't always been an easy adjustment. When I was pregnant the first time around, I was NOT prepared or expecting the amount of sacrifice that parenthood takes. I think I feel the pressure the most when I am forced to make a decision, and I really *don't* know what is best -- sometimes I want to shirk from responsibility and be carefree again. You are right that raising children brings boatloads of joy, but along with it comes amazing amounts of responsibility, knowing that with every decision I make, comes a consequence. And I keep thinking its going to get easier, but it doesn't...with every new stage come new challenges.

And I agree with Prcherswife -- 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is mostly for those wee early days when the baby is up all.night.long, but most of all it is so important NOT to get burned out. I am finding that all over again being 7 months pregnant, and I need to remember to take a rest during naptime...or else by the end of the day I'm shot, and have zero patience by bedtime. Its important to take time for YOU!

[Cataholic]

However, in my (oh so very limited) experience, its so much more than that, its the ongoing sacrifice. For me, it hasn't always been an easy adjustment. When I was pregnant the first time around, I was NOT prepared or expecting the amount of sacrifice that parenthood takes. I think I feel the pressure the most when I am forced to make a decision, and I really *don't* know what is best -- sometimes I want to shirk from responsibility and be carefree again. You are right that raising children brings boatloads of joy, but along with it comes amazing amounts of responsibility, knowing that with every decision I make, comes a consequence. And I keep thinking its going to get easier, but it doesn't...with every new stage come new challenges.

Probably it is partly my personality type and partly my age...but, for ME, I don't feel the sacrifice part at all. I was 38 when I had my little bundle, and to this day (5.5 years later), it is still all about him, and I have no feelings of anything but gratitude for him. BUT, by the time I had him I had done nothing but me, me, me and more me all that I wanted. I travelled, did my education, did my living alone, did my life my way, etc. So, when J came along, I was so ready, willing and thankfully, able to 'devote' myself to him.

I don't mean this to say that my life is nothing BUT him (though, to a large extent, it is, and I am pretty content with that), as I still work, I still socialize (when I want to), I stil do everything that I did before I had him, that I still want to do. Maybe it is different- I don't go to the gym every single day for 2 hours anymore, and I, well...really, nothing else comes to mind.

The thing about decision making is probably my personality type. I like to make decisions- for me, my son, and everyone else. Just ask my mom, or anyone else that knows me well. I like control, lots and lots of it.

I think motherhood comes to people differently, with different expectations, different results and different practices. There isn't one perfect way to be a mother, and there isn't one perfect way to be a child (though PCB's son might be up there with the whole sleeping through the night thing from day 1).

What works best for you and your child is what works best.

As a small aside to PCB...as I left my house this morning with 3 loads of clean laundry still unfolded at the foot of my bed, hot wheel tracks in the living room, 8 cat food bowls in various positions on the floor and counter, the blender still dirty and a fully clean but unloaded dishwasher, I thought of you.
I did make my bed, feed and take care of 8 cats, shower, dress and attempt to feed my child, and make it out the door by 8. Sometimes I live the day, other days, it lives me.

[JenBKR]

When you have a baby that didn't sleep through the night until into his second year, you sleep when the baby sleeps quite nicely, thank you very much. ; )
I told J 2 weeks ago that I missed our naps together! He said that I can sleep on my own now.

As to the clean house, etc? Lots of things seem more important to me than that, now. We live with more dirt and clutter, and mess, I suppose. I can either clean, cook, do crafts, OR spend time with J. He wins out 99 times out of 100. Naptime was good for that. I got stuff done. He hasn't napped in years, lol.

I totally agree! Ty was never one to sleep through the night until he was about 9-10 months old. I napped with him many, MANY times! I do happen to have the most amazing husband in the world though, he did the housework for the first few months after Ty was born. We had so many meals brought to us from our family and church that I didn't have to cook for quite a long time also. But even if you have to let the house get unorganzied for a while, understand that it's only temporary. To me, spending time with Ty was (and still is!) more important. Now that I am pregnant again, I have been napping again sometime when Ty naps...enjoying the time snuggling with JUST him.

[Twisterdog]

Very simple....................Parents. It's a plural. Men can do housework, too.

Amen!

What a guy!

[JenBKR]

Very simple....................Parents. It's a plural. Men can do housework, too.

I knew I liked you LH

Seriously though, that's very true. Fifty years ago it may have been different, but today I would think that most men would help out around the house, especially after bringing home a new baby......right?

[Marigold2]

When my kids were newborns I put them in the garage at night when they cried, I slept great. Never heard a sound.

[Alysser]

When my kids were newborns I put them in the garage at night when they cried, I slept great. Never heard a sound.

I hope that's a joke.

[happylabs]

My thoughts based on my developing experience with a baby:

My life certainly changed forever after the birth of my child, but in a wonderful way. It changed forever because I have experienced a joy that I never once knew. People seem to imply that having a baby strips you of freedom, but seriously...who needs the freedom to go out and about at night when you have the joy of nurturing and raising a beautiful tiny little human being, who brings such joy to you with his smiles and coos, making you forget every bit of work and hardship he has caused you?

Oh yes, when you are pregnant EVERYONE has advice.
As far as sleeping goes, I agree with prechrswife. In the beginning you sleep whenever you can. My first was a fussy boy for the first 4 weeks. I think part of it was due to my inexerperience and he most likely sensed that. So, I did sleep whenever he did.

As far as them changing your life, it is definitely the most wonderful thing a woman/parent can ever experience. My husband (ex now unfortunately) and I were just so in love with Caleb when he was born, and still are, of course. We often said to each other, what did we do before we had him? Our lives must have been so boring.

My kids are 20 and 23 now and I still love them more each day. Every stage of life they go through from the beginning, good and bad, are all worth it.

My advice to any new parent is just love your kids as much as you can and let them know they are loved! You can never kiss and hug them too much ever!

[Marigold2]

LOL I have said it so often that my middle son almost believes it.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.