Upset..

**CountryWolf07** · 09-14-2009, 12:04 AM

Just wanted to vent.. apparently, I am having issues at home - My mom planned a camping trip this weekend and wanted me to watch Hank (dog), but I already had plans with Mike, and it just seems like I can't do my own thing. She just didn't think it was a big deal for not telling me about this trip she wanted to do months ago while Mike surprised me about the tickets to the game about two months ago.. I wanted to celebrate my birthday early on Saturday downtown Cleveland since it's a good idea to do after the OSU/Toledo game.... but yeah.. I don't know. Mike is a bit annoyed about it.

It just seems like I'm not treated as I would like to be in the house I live in.
I'm just really thinking that living at home is making me unhappy and it's causing Mike & I to fight more because of me being that way, it's tiring. We are still happy about each other and we love each other but it's my attitude I can't seem to get to adjust back to normal.

I'm just upset this is all happening before my birthday and it just seems like I can't celebrate it the way I wanted to. It's just really hard... I knew I wouldn't "last" 6 months living at home and I was A LOT happier living on my own and knowing I can't afford to move out is upsetting me. (My birthday is on the 21st and I wanted to celebrate it earlier.. but this is different, I'd be with Mike's family instead of mine, since my brothers will be gone at OSU, my mom camping, and my dad away in FL for work...)

I don't know what to think.... 25 only comes around ONCE.

**pomtzu** · 09-14-2009, 03:53 PM

Can't your mother get a pet sitter for Hank for a couple of days - or board him?

At your age, I feel that you should do what you feel is right for you. You have your own future to think about, and even tho you live at home, I think you should be able to make your own decisions about your life. Since your mother didn't tell you of her plans, and you and Mike already had made plans, then I think she should be the one to figure out how to resolve it. That's only fair.

**Karen** · 09-14-2009, 04:11 PM

Perhaps you could spend the day with Mike, but be home that evening to take care of Hank? Or someone else could watch Hank for a little while, and you could still have your time with Mike, or you both could come back and play with Hank after your daytime plans?

Seems like there ought to some compromise available!

**Taz_Zoee** · 09-14-2009, 05:02 PM

My question is why can't Hank go camping??

But I agree with Ellie, you already had plans and it sounds like your mom assumed you'd be home to care for Hank. My friends mom always did this to her when we were in high school, only it was her little handicapped brother, not a dog.

I hope you can figure something out so you don't have to cancel your plans.

**Twisterdog** · 09-14-2009, 07:24 PM

If you were going to be home over the weekend anyway, then your mom would certainly be ok asking you to take care of the dog.

I do think she should have asked ahead of time, though, and not just assumed. And once she learned you already had plans, she should have made other arrangements.

OTOH, you are an adult, and living in your parents home (I assume) rent-free. Technically, your parents could have expected you to make it on your own dime seven years ago. So since they are still providing for you to some degree, I do think you owe them something, too. Maybe not this particular weekend, but in general.

**Cataholic** · 09-15-2009, 11:55 AM

Was your mom aware of your plans? I can't remember where you live and what a trip to Cleveland entails. For me, it is 4 hours in the car, so, I couldn't go and come back on one day with a dog at home. Is it possible that you could go and come home? Or, would you have to spend the night out of town?

I think when FAMILIES live together, whether one is 2, 12, 20 or 25 (or even older!) there are no "my rights" vs. "their rights". You help out, you shoulder duties you may not feel are your own. Heck, my 5 year old told me the other day that he doesn't play with the cat toys, so why does he have to clean them up??? My response? We live as a family in this house, we all pitch in and do our part.

I read your post the same way I read Genny's post. This isn't about age, how old someone is, etc. It is about family. And, sometimes life doesn't roll the way you want it to.

As for 25 only coming around once? Most ages only come around once. I might see your point more if you were turning 16, 18 or 21. 25? Honey, that just puts you one step closer to 30, IMO.

Sorry that this upsets Mike. Doesn't really seem like it should.

**lvpets2002** · 09-15-2009, 12:01 PM

Yes my questions too are = Why Hank cant be boarded & or go camping with your mother & or have a pet sitter.. I think your mother may say since she pays the bills & your under her roof then you must drop everything for her.. I would say there should be a very simple easy solution to this.. Try not to make your self so upset & sick over this.. Happy Early Birthday & I am sure all will work out for the best..

**CountryWolf07** · 09-15-2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by Cataholic

Was your mom aware of your plans? I can't remember where you live and what a trip to Cleveland entails. For me, it is 4 hours in the car, so, I couldn't go and come back on one day with a dog at home. Is it possible that you could go and come home? Or, would you have to spend the night out of town?

I think when FAMILIES live together, whether one is 2, 12, 20 or 25 (or even older!) there are no "my rights" vs. "their rights". You help out, you shoulder duties you may not feel are your own. Heck, my 5 year old told me the other day that he doesn't play with the cat toys, so why does he have to clean them up??? My response? We live as a family in this house, we all pitch in and do our part.

I read your post the same way I read Genny's post. This isn't about age, how old someone is, etc. It is about family. And, sometimes life doesn't roll the way you want it to.

As for 25 only coming around once? Most ages only come around once. I might see your point more if you were turning 16, 18 or 21. 25? Honey, that just puts you one step closer to 30, IMO.

Sorry that this upsets Mike. Doesn't really seem like it should.

True, but it upsets him more that I am not treated as my age. I caved in and avoid any further arguments with her and I am going to watch Hank over the weekend and hopefully still have fun. She knew I had plans, but I didn't know she had plans until the other day when she let me know about what she was doing. That part, not fair on me, but that's fine. I have realized that feeling this way is telling me that I am ready to move out, and hopefully I will only be at home for a year then move out. I definitely thought I would be on my own at 25, but things didn't work out that way but that's okay.

I asked if she'd take Hank camping, but she said he'd be too much to handle. Go figure.

**zippy-kat** · 09-15-2009, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by CountryWolf07

I don't know what to think.... 25 only comes around ONCE.

Oh noooo it doesn't! I'm proudly holding at 25 for 4 yrs now.

**jennielynn1970** · 09-15-2009, 08:15 PM

ehhhhh... I would be annoyed. Whether it's "family" or not, you had plans and your mom knew about them, but now wants to put her responsibility on you.

She thinks he's too much to handle on a trip, then she needs to figure out what to do with him that isn't too much, or take him along and deal with it. He's their dog, correct??

**CountryWolf07** · 09-15-2009, 10:56 PM

Originally Posted by jenn_librarian

ehhhhh... I would be annoyed. Whether it's "family" or not, you had plans and your mom knew about them, but now wants to put her responsibility on you.

She thinks he's too much to handle on a trip, then she needs to figure out what to do with him that isn't too much, or take him along and deal with it. He's their dog, correct??

Correct. He is my parents' dog. If he was mine, this would not be posted as a venting.

Don't get me wrong, I love the little bugger, but you know.. I do have my own life and I did have my OWN life before I moved back home 6 months ago. Otherwise, if he was my dog, NOT a problem, because I accept responisbility, you know?

And, haha, 25 for 4 years?

That'll be me, trying to hold it at that age for a while!

**K9karen** · 09-15-2009, 11:04 PM

My parents BEGGED me to stay at home, to avoid rent, etc (save for my future). Before they got ill, I had all the freedom in the world. No curfews, ever, a gazillion friends, never home (a phone call to say I was safe was sufficient).

When I got Cody, I knew he was MY dog and anything they did for him, was as a favor for me. I also thought they owed me payback for all I gave up for them. Plus, he was a family member.

I do not regret one thing (well, almost), but if I lived my life over, I'd be OUT OUT OUT! The difference between my "lived away from home" friends and those of us who dutifully stayed home is astounding.

I'm ranting on to tell you, you're not alone. I know how you feel, believe me. You are like me, giving in to forgo arguments. Bless you for staying with Hank. However, I'm guessing that your mother used guilt tactics to make you do it.

Forgive me for admonishing your mom. but to give you such short notice, on a birthday weekend, is rude. It's called a boarding kennel, or pet sitter. I understand how your internal anger is raging havoc with you and Mike, 'cause it has to come out someplace, and it's with Mike. IMO, guys don't get the same crap that girls do, hence, very little "I get it". If I was my brother, my folks would never blink an eyelash.

Please try and have a Happy 1/4 century! I hope for innocent- in- all- this- Hank, you see it as a un-regretable situation.

**Cataholic** · 09-16-2009, 10:02 AM

In the event my own mother stumbles across this thread, I want her to know that not for a single moment did I ever feel this way, and am so lucky to have had her support my old rear end when I was both in undergrad AND law school, not to mention the summers inbetween. I would gladly watch her cats (and she mine), and take her places, and pick things up for her- even if it wasn't convenient.

Today, my mother is picking up my son from school, doubling back to go let out the foster dog that I am fostering, returning to her home, then back to mine with my son, to let the dog out again as I have to work late tonight. Oh, I hope she remembers to bring the food AND treats she picked up yesterday for the cute little foster this time.

Really, this just must be a matter of perspective. I am in no ways a perfect daughter, but, I can't really see your complaints the same as others do.