I'm Torn...His family or Mine?

[kitten645]

My original thought was to go with your first commitment. However, you need to think about how you'll feel afterwards. I think you might regret not seeing your Grandpa especially since he's getting on. You might want to consider his age when he puts you down and let it slide. Family is important. How would you feel if you didn't see him again? Would the criticizim be too hurtful for you?
I think Rich's mom would understand your not going with her since it is YOUR family. However, if you are going to feel bad/negative being around your family, go to the shower. Life is too short.
Claudia

PS, I learned very early on to have a calendar in you purse at ALL times and write it down!

[sparks19]

the only thing I have to disagree on here.....

people keep saying it is "YOUR family and HIS family" but when you are in a committed relationship and I don't know how serious you two really are... but his family becomes YOUR family and YOUR family becomes his family. it kind of melds together. which is why it makes me so MAD when my dad says things like "you don't spend enough tiem with YOUR family... just his family" which not only is it not totally untrue that I only spend time with one side or the other... but ALSO THEY are MY family now too. there is no MY family and HIS family. they are ALL OUR family.

just something I thought should be pointed out depending on your point of view

[K9karen]

Yes, blood is thicker than water. But you already committed to the shower 2x. I think, though, if your relationship with granddad was happier and closer, and if you knew this may be his last birthday, I'd beg off the shower, hoping R's mom would understand, even though the invite came after your promise.
Personally, if a relative criticized me and I'd be on edge and uncomfortable, I wouldn't step a foot through the door. I don't care if someone means well, whatever, it's plain nasty.

[anna_66]

I say do what makes you happy. Life's too short not too.
I'm sorry, I don't agree with just because your blood you should go to his party...especially if he's always putting you down. Sounds like his party would be a downer and I'd think if he treats you that way he more than likely wouldn't miss you being there. A card would be just fine in my opinion.

Good luck on whatever you choose to do

[Catherinedana]

I say do what makes you happy. Life's too short not too. I'm sorry, I don't agree with just because your blood you should go to his party...especially if he's always putting you down. Sounds like his party would be a downer and I'd think if he treats you that way he more than likely wouldn't miss you being there. A card would be just fine in my opinion.

Good luck on whatever you choose to do

This is the best advice that you have gotten. I have decided to live my life in this manner: I do not do things because I feel guilty or obligated to do so. I do them because I do these things willingly and with love. That goes, especially, for my family. Just because someone is a family member it does not give them the right to treat you badly because, oh well, you love them anyway. Doesn't work like that.

If Gramps is a meanie and hurts you, then you have no obligation to him. If you enjoy time with your future mom-in-law then go with her and be joyful. You can call Gramps and wish him happy birthday and/or make time to see him seperately. You do not have to adjust your entire life to someone elses schedule. Blood is only thicker than water when it is full of love and mutual respect.

Sorry to sound severe, but it has been a lesson learned the hard way for me and I'm passing along my knowledge as I would to a daughter.

Stay strong!
Cathy

[k9krazee]

Thanks you guys. All valid points!

I've never been close with my Grandpa, and every time I've seen him in the last year or two he makes snide comments about my weight, or what I'm eating or how I need to exercise more (even after I lost 25lbs!). I will see him, and the rest of the family, in December for our family Christmas party if I don't go.

R's mom will definitely understand if I go to the birthday party instead. But at this point I feel like his family WANTS me to be around, and mine is indifferent whether I'm at the party or not (except my Mom who pushing me to go to the party).

Normally I'd be the first one to say that you should put family first or that blood is thicker than water. But these people are my future family and I think I would enjoy their company more. There's going to be another get together with my family again this summer for my Grandma that I will make sure I attend. I do like the idea, Karen, of calling and talking with everybody, and will do that.

[Cinder & Smoke]

... he makes snide comments about my weight,
or what I'm eating or how I need to exercise more
(even after I lost 25lbs!).

He needs GLASSES, not a party.

WHEN did you ever "need to loose 25 lbs"???
You'd blow away in a slight breeze.

Go have *phunn* where you'll be appreciated.

[Daisy and Delilah]

There have been some great points made here. I think Anna makes good sense. Do what makes you happy, not everyone else.

Sometimes, other people's family members might be more pleasant to be around than your own family. If Grandpa makes you feel that bad, maybe it's best if you avoid him. Life is too short to try to please other people and not yourself.

Sorry I said the opposite before. I have officially been taught some lessons here and I appreciate it!!