I found my cat back in May, 07...well, I didn't find him, he found me. One night as I parked my car I heard a cat meowing. At first I couldn't see anything because it was dark... I didn't pay much attention and started to walk in the house, then the sound took on a new urgency so I searched a bit and saw this cat coming closer to me. It was too well groomed to be a stray so I gave it some love and went back in the house. Next morning from the window I saw him lounging on the back porch chair, so a new friendship developed and I begin to feed him and play with him after I got home from work. Where I lived at the time pets were not allowed, so he stayed in my back yard and seemed perfectly contend with his new home.
About six months later I moved into a place that allowed pets and everything was great...for about a year. Slowly over time my love for him changed, and I spent less and less time with him, sometimes not even wanting to touch or be near him. It wasn't one thing, it was just a bunch of little things that over time wore me down and made me feel a lot of resentment towards my cat. Things he did that were once cute became an annoyance, sometimes I couldn't even stand to hear him meow(I would take my shoe and slap it against the wall to shut him up). Once he was welcomed to share my bed, then I begin to dispise having hair all over my sheets and would throw my shoes at him if he got on my bed. It progressed to the point where I would pretty much lash out at him for anything that I felt was displeasing. I would yell, scream, chase him with my shoes, shoot him with water gun... I've even scared him to the point where he would defecate on the spot. I would always feel bad and sometimes I would pray to god to give me guidance. Things would be good for a week or so then he would do sometime else to upset me and I would go back to abusing him. It's been a never ending cycle for the past 2 months. I feel bad for him that he has to put up with me, but I feel worse for myself that I could be so cruel and indifferent.
I have put up a few ads on craigs to see if I could find him a new home, but I can never leave the ad up before I start to cry and feel that I should give it another try. I know he deserves a lot better because I read the stories on here and know many of you truly love your pets like your own family. I wish I could say the same but I can't. I don't know what I should do, and how I might feel when he's not here anymore. And if I did give him away there will be always feelings of guilt and wondering if I did everything I could for him. So my question...is it ever okay to say goodbye?
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