What do you think??

[NoahsMommy]

Hey guys....

OK, I've been living with my roommate for 27 days now and I want your thoughts on the following...

I've been discovering my food missing! Not just one or two things, like, nearly each item I've brought into the apartment and put away into the fridge or pantry. Its one thing to go into the cheese/lunch meat drawer to find she's taken 1 or 2 pieces of my cheddar or my string cheese, but NO! She's taken and eaten nearly ALL of both packages!! The cookies my mom bought me from Trader Joe's on Thursday had only 6 left when I went to pack my lunch on Sunday night! That box had at least 36 cookies in the package! I've noticed an entire box of my granola bars MISSING (I bought 2 boxes because they were 2 for $4.00) and she's been eating my saltine crackers, my pretzels and my Pepsi....even though she knows its for my stomach - and she KNOWS I've been feeling like crap ever since I've moved in!! She's had ALL my LARGE bottle of coffee creamer, she's drinking my milk, having some of my cereal, using my bread, taking my yogurt - even though she has her own!

I had to finally say something about this yesturday, or I would have just snapped one day.

I was light about it. But to the point. I told her that it wasn't cool to take my food. That #1, it was ALL the food I had until I got paid again. #2 that the majority of the food (ie: pretzels, apple juice, pepsi, crackers) is for my stomach and without it, I cannot eat, or work. I told her I didn't want to make a big deal out of things, that "it wasn't a big deal" (meaning that I didn't want to make it an issue, not that I wasn't mad). She took it to mean that it didn't matter that she was eating MY food and said, "yea, it is a big deal, Kelly." I explained that, "yea, it is important, I just wanted to say that I'll say something one time, get it out there and then its done. I don't hold grudges. I said it, I just want it to be corrected and lets get on with our lives, OK?" She said, "I'm glad."

She never really said, "I'm sorry". Which, well, is kind of wierd. I mean, if she's hungry and doesn't have food, I don't want her to starve. But I guess the thing is her NOT ASKING. If she asks, she can absolutely have any food I have. But still, ASK ME FIRST, you know? And its not like she doesn't have food. Her part of the pantry and fridge have food and she's always bringing groceries or fast food home. So, I just don't understand why she was taking MY food. She didn't offer ANY explaination whatsoever.

Isn't that odd??

To be honest, when this started happening, I started to hide my medicines and my money. I have to be smart. Our bedrooms do have locks on them, but we don't have keys. If she can so freely take my food, what else can she do, right? I don't like thinking that way, but I have to be smart, right?

Anyway, just wondering what you all thought on this issue. My mom and my co-worker think I should lock up my food in my room. Mom even thinks I should get a small fridge for my closet. I don't know...

Outside of this, she really is a nice person. Noah ADORES her. He sits at her door and cries and cries to be let in. Especially when she's not home. He loves her so much, its so cute.

[joycenalex]

okay my take here....you told her what needs to change for your relationship as roomies to work for you. let it ride for 2 weeks, IF she continues to "borrow" food, confront her directly again, reminding her it is a big deal, she is taking your food, you don't appreciate it, and you will be locking up your food stuffs.( BTW, i also think keeping money, credit cards, checks and anything that could be pilfered away is a good thing.) do not be mean, but don't be nice about the second conversation( if it has to happen, and i hope it won't) maybe she's thoughtless and just needed to have it once kindly pointed out. ....and for the record, as a caffeine addict, NO ONE touches my coffee creamer and the last of the coffee. me without a theraputic dosage of caffine is too ugly for thought.

[kuhio98]

Kelly ~ I'm sorry, honey, but I don't think it's weird UNLESS you had an agreement beforehand not to eat each other's food. Did you have the agreement? Or is it something you just assumed?

Can you guys agree that a certain shelf in the fridge and cabinet are for your food only?

Now if it continues to happen after you've had this conversation, then I think it's weird. You've made it clear that it bugs you and why it does.

It could be that she has never been on a tight budget so it just never occured to her that it could be a problem.

[NoahsMommy]

Can you guys agree that a certain shelf in the fridge and cabinet are for your food only?

It could be that she has never been on a tight budget so it just never occured to her that it could be a problem.

When I moved in, we each picked 2 shelves in the pantry and 2 shelves in the fridge. We didn't outright say, "PLEASE DONT EAT MY FOOD". But she's lived in 4 other roommate situations before. Most of her food (jars and cans) have her initials on them, so I'm pretty sure she knows that its not normal to just take someone else's food unless its offered to her.

We've even gone grocery shopping together and we had separate shopping carts and paid separately. I don't know how on earth she would have thought that it is OK to just take my food. ESPECIALLY since I'm not taking ANY of hers.

I agree, if it happens again, after I've spoken to her about it, I'll be mad. Not until then. I hope high hopes that she'll listen to me.

Hugs, Kelly

[Medusa]

You'll probably have to spell out exactly what is off limits. If you have specific shelves, etc., then those are your shelves and your possessions belong on them. I don't care for the casual way people sometimes regard other people's possessions. If you don't get permission, it isn't borrowing, it's stealing. Of course, generosity is a wonderful trait and should be encouraged. But if you specifically state what is not to be touched and/or eaten, then that's the way it should be. If she continues w/this behavior, then you have your answer.

[Craftlady]

Maybe that's why she has trouble keeping roommates?

[CamCamPup33]

I definitely think it's a little rude. It would bother me solely for the fact that she was taking things without asking first. Like you said, it wouldn't be such a big deal if she just ASKED. And even if she doesn't ask, she should take in moderation..not eat the entire box of granola bars or eat the majority of the cookies.

Maybe she didn't offer an apology or an explanation because she was embarrassed about the whole thing, or maybe she just doesn't find it to be that big of a deal.

Either way, you've expressed that it bothers you, now all you can do is wait it out and if she continues to do it, thats when you snap!

Good luck!!

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kelly, I'm sorry to hear that this is happening. I've had this happen to me a few times with one of my past roommates and I just confronted her and she even went out and bought me some more of what she had eaten. I think that you just need to confront her right away if this happens again.

Hopefully you'll be able to work this out. Until then, I'd at least keep your essential food locked up in your room. I'd also keep all other valuables locked up or hidden away. You can never be too safe or trusting of other people. Good luck.

[dukedogsmom]

I don't know what to think except I'm disappointed that this is happening and you've hardly been there. I hope it doesn't continue.

[catnapper]

I think she's the kind of person who will try to get away with something for as long as she can. Certainly she knows its wrong to take your food, but figures that if you're not saying anything, then why not take your food instead of hers?

Watch out for shampoo, hair gel, perfume, etc levels. My one roomate in college liked to use my stuff instead of hers simply because she could get away with it.

You've had the conversation. Let it go for now and watch things.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

How about agreeing to a shelf or two each for your own foodstuffs and then have a "communal" shelf where you can put stuff for sharing

[Laura's Babies]

I was wondering how it was working out for you since you were suppose to move after I left.

What I would do is put the price I paid for the item on everything and let her know if she ate it, she pays for it and it comes out of her rent money if she don't replace it immediately.

Don't she understand your medical problem? She needs to understand FULLY your diet and the consequenses (for you) of not staying on it. Make her understand to her it is only food, to you is is your life and to you, that is nothing anybody has any right to mess with! I would have to ask her if she even realizes how lucky she is to be able to eat what she wants.

I think it is extreemly RUDE of her to be doing that and you are right about locking up your valueables. I would buy a cabinet to put in my room to keep my food in and put a lock on it. Boy, I would feel like a real low life if a room mate of mine felt like they had to lock everything up away from me... but I am a honest person.

I have had room mates that stole from me and ran up my bills so my experiences with having them have not been good (they moved into my home). People just do not respect other peoples property anymore.

[moosmom]

Get a small dorm size fridge and put all your food (perishables) in there. Since your bedroom has a lock on it, lock up everything you don't want missing, such as drugs, food, ANYTHING you think she might want to "borrow". If she doesn't like it, too bad.

You might also want to label everything with your name. Like Craftlady said, maybe that's the reason why she's had so many roommates.

[jackie]

You have talked to her, just wait and see if it happens again. If it does, then you might have to speak to her again.

Until then, don't start locking your food away, it may make it awkward to live with her after.

[ChrisH]

I agree with Jackie, wait and see what happens.