Patient: "Doctor, I've broken my arm in two places!"
Doctor: "Well then, stay out of those places."

Doctor: "Nurse, what is the progress of the child who swallowed a dozen coins?"
Nurse: "No change yet."

A patient in the hospital noticed her doctor walking around the unit yelling, "Influenza! Pneumonia! Shingles! Pertussis! Tetanus! Diphtheria!" She asked the nurse the reason behind the doctor's words. The nurse explained, "Oh, the doctor likes to call the shots around here."