My sister-in-law

**sumbirdy** · 11-30-2006, 02:05 PM

Okay this is really making me mad so I'll tell the whole story.

I have a sister-in-law named Stephanie who has a four month old boy, Nathan (very adorable). When Nathan was born his heart stopped but they got it to start beating again. But when he was born Stephanie didn't even want to see him before they care-flighted him. When he was getting out of the hospital 2 weeks later she had to stay in the room overnight so they could see how she did with him. She kept trying to get the nurses to take him out of there because she said she was too "tired".

They were coming to live with us since they just recently got kicked out of a friends house and they couldn't bring the baby home unless my parents were there. When we brought Nathan home Stephanie didn't want much to do with him and every time he would cry she would hand him to my mom or dad. She rarely held him for no reason. She rarely held him at all. Now she is staying gone for 5 days out of the week and going to another city where my brother works and staying in a motel. Nathan is staying with us and when she comes home for those two days she barely pays attention to him. He cries everytime he looks at her so dad thinks that she did something to him because its that scared cry.

The last time they came home she couldn't get him to stop crying so she just handed him off to Charles (my brother, her husband) and left. She has a case worker and this is what really makes me mad. Everytime the case worker comes over to see them she acts like she really loves Nathan and she can't stop holding him and she tells all these lies to the case worker and says that she does night feedings (which my parents do because she just ignores him when he cries) and she acts like my mom doesn't know nothing when it comes to taking care of Nathan.

My mom has raised three kids and she's basically raising Nathan too. When the case worker is there she also acts like her and Charles are the perfect married couple (which they are not because they get into fist fights and threaten to kill each other all the time.) The case worker is trying to get them an apartment and to get Nathan to move in with them. Charles already told her that he wanted Nathan to stay with us for at least six months because he doesn't trust Stephanie around Nathan. But the case worker keeps insisting that Nathan move in with them. Dad told her he didn't know why she wanted to get his grandson killed because living in that home he will probably end up dead.

We think the only reason why Stephanie wants the case worker to think that she's crazy about Nathan and all that is because the case worker is helping them get an apartment and a job (Stephanie is very money-hungry. She went out and bought herself a bunch of stuff when she knew Nathan needed diapers and formula.) But it just really makes me mad that Stephanies acting like such a fake about all this. It really makes me sick. Nathan is so adorable and sweet and he just doesn't need a mother like that. I hate it that people just have babies to get stuff and they don't really care about the baby when there are so many women out there who can't have babies and would really love them. I think it would be better if he got adopted but would me and my parents be able to see him?

I'm sorry this is so long but I just had to get this out.

**Sophist** · 11-30-2006, 03:07 PM

I don't know how Stephanie was before, but is it possible she is suffering from post-partum depression? I went through some similar things with my younger siblings when post-partum depression hit my mother hard. By all means, it is vital to do what is best for Nathan, but one way or another it sounds like Stephanie needs some help.

**sumbirdy** · 11-30-2006, 03:08 PM

No, she's always been this way but it just bothers me more now because she's this way towards Nathan.

**Blue_Frog** · 11-30-2006, 03:45 PM

Well, it sounds like she didn't want a baby in the first place, and doesn't want anything to do with him now. She'd be better off giving him up - either to your parents as primary caregivers if thats what they would want, or to adoption. Its unfair that she would use the baby just to get an apartment.

Maybe talk to your parents, if they are concerned about her behaviour around the baby, maybe a nanny-cam of some sort might be a good idea? At least then they might know for sure if she's doing something to make the baby afraid of her.

**WolvesRawk** · 11-30-2006, 09:55 PM

Poor little baby....I hate irresponsible parents who have kids for their own personal gain and then don't care a bit about them. I agree, get a nanny cam to at least find out why he's so scared.

**Sophist** · 12-01-2006, 02:07 AM

Be careful taking some of these suggestions... if you do something to make her want to keep Nathan from you and your parents, he may not have any proper care at all. She sounds like someone who would be willing to use the baby as leverage or against you guys. Play as nice as possible for the little one's sake.

**Catty1** · 12-01-2006, 08:11 AM

Can your parents not talk to the case worker? Can your brother - who already had doubts about Stephanie around the baby - not back up a lot of what they say?

The case worker needs more information!

I hope Nathan stays where it is best for him.

HUGS

**ramanth** · 12-01-2006, 08:18 AM

I think your parents need to get a lawyer and fight to get custody of Nathan. That is if they want to raise him. If not, but still want Nathan to be properly taken care of, they need to either speak to the case worker without Stephanie around or to the case workes supervisor. If they can get Charles to back up their claims, I'm sure it'd be a great help.

**Luvin Labs** · 12-01-2006, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by sumbirdy

But it just really makes me mad that Stephanies acting like such a fake about all this.

You should get all of her REAL reactions on videotape to show the case worker when she arrives.

If you are in the same room when your SIL is talking to the case worker do any of you correct her on her lies??

That's sickening to hear she acts that way. Can't any of you try to get custody?

Best wishes for Nathan.

**jackie** · 12-01-2006, 12:57 PM

This sounds like mental illness, and your brother needs to make a stand and help his wife and child. You or your parents should sit down with him and discuss how to fix the situation.

**sumbirdy** · 12-01-2006, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by Luvin Labs

If you are in the same room when your SIL is talking to the case worker do any of you correct her on her lies??

I am never home when their case worker comes by but if I was I would. Mom never says anything because she says she "doesn't want to start trouble" but I think it is worth starting trouble to do what is best for Nathan. Dad has called the case worker and told her everything but I don't know what they are going to do about it.

**sumbirdy** · 12-01-2006, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by ramanth

I think your parents need to get a lawyer and fight to get custody of Nathan. That is if they want to raise him. If not, but still want Nathan to be properly taken care of, they need to either speak to the case worker without Stephanie around or to the case workes supervisor. If they can get Charles to back up their claims, I'm sure it'd be a great help.

They want to get custody and they want me to adopt him when I turn 18 because mom has seizures and doesn't feel that she would be fully able to take care of him for an extended period. Charles would back up their claims but Stephanie thinks she has to be everywhere he is and in every conversation that he is in and he won't say anything against her in front of her.

**moosmom** · 12-05-2006, 06:36 PM

First of all, why would your parents put that kind of burden on you as a 17 year old. That's really not fair of them to expect YOU to raise him. You've got your whole life ahead of you. To be tied down to a child is just unacceptable, especially since he's not yours.

I think your parents need to intervene on the behalf of their grandson. Someone needs to stand up for this child since he can't very well speak for himself. They should also get your sister psychological help. Sounds like a strong case of post partum depression.

I wish you alot of luck. Please keep us posted. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

**cyber-sibes** · 12-05-2006, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by ramanth

I think your parents need to get a lawyer and fight to get custody of Nathan. That is if they want to raise him. If not, but still want Nathan to be properly taken care of, they need to either speak to the case worker without Stephanie around or to the case workes supervisor. If they can get Charles to back up their claims, I'm sure it'd be a great help.

I'll second that! This baby should not be put in an apartment with two angry & irresponsible people, even if they are his parents. If your parents really want to keep him safe, I think they'll have to take legal action to protect him from a potentially deadly situation. You would be appalled at how many children die from neglect & parental violence every year.

**DJFyrewolf36** · 12-06-2006, 02:42 AM

Prayers on the way that the little one will be put in a situation where in which he doesn't have to be afraid. My parents went through a similar situation with my brother and a child (found out later that the child wasn't really my brothers but my parents, as they cared for him for three months fought for what was right for him anyway) It was difficult on them, and they did "Start a lot of trouble" but for the child, it was worth it. I hope things work out and that the kid is safe.