From the
Cats
Are
Totally
Tired
Of
Y our
Silliness Handbook- The 'S' in the title was changed to get a PG rating
Chapter 2
Purchase the toy for your cat.
At this point there are no guidelines for purchasing a toy for your cat. Type, color, shape, style or model are not important.
Note: Catnip toys are preferred, but not required.
Bring the purchases into the room placing all bags on the floor within the reach of your pet(s)
Note: Totally ignore any perishable items-they will not go bad in the half hour needed for a little mental health time with your Fluffy. You can also ignore the new overpriced cat treats you also purchased
Find a comfortable spot on the floor and with the aid of your cat(s) go through each bag to find the item(s) purchased.
Remove those items from the bag and with the irritating voice you use to talk to your cat(s) explain your purchase(s).
Example-
“Lookatwhut Mommy/Daddy bought you!”
“Just for you, baby!”
“It’s play time!”
“You are gonna love this!”
At this point one of two things will happen.
1. Your cat will either love or hate the item.
If your cat loves your purchase, they will play with it until it’s batted under a piece of furniture.
If your cat hates your purchase, they will play with it until it’s batted under a piece of furniture.
2. At THIS point one of two things will happen.
Your cat will sit in front of the place where the toy disappeared and whine, cry or stare at you until you remove said item and place it back in play, or…
Your cat will sit in front of the place where the toy disappeared, stare at you, then walk away -done with the damned thing.
Should your cat enjoy his new toy, you can expect a lifetime of enjoyment or
A short term use.
Some toys will be ripped to shreds, dropped into water, thrown up or hidden from sight until you are moving furniture at some god forsaken point in the future.
By then you will have no recollection of the purchase, the toy or what it was.
Note: At this point do not worry-No other cat(s), people or other mammals have been loose in your home, playing with your cat(s) toys.
Should your cat(s) show no interest in any of your playtime purchases do not despair.
One day in the future (approximately six months to a year later and according to their schedule -around 2 a.m. in the morning) that toy will take on a new life.
Do not be alarmed when this happens, some investments take longer to show a profit than others.
Warning;
Some cat toys may lead to household accidents such as broken knick knacks, water on the floor or cut or sprained feet.
Not for use in swimming pools, airplanes or moving vehicles.
Do not operate while under the influence of alcohol or medications.
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