joke thread

**Pam** · 12-13-2002, 07:05 AM

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)

**anna_66** · 12-13-2002, 07:23 AM

LOL

Good one Pam, thanks for the laugh this morning!

**anna_66** · 12-13-2002, 08:27 AM

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

**ChrisH** · 12-13-2002, 01:10 PM

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Boyo, I'm in deep doo-doo now." (He was an Irish setter) Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"

**Pam** · 12-14-2002, 01:54 PM

This just came in an e-mail and I thought I'd share -

I am hoping that Kitty went in there willingly!

**ChrisH** · 12-15-2002, 07:22 AM

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

**DogMania** · 12-15-2002, 10:39 AM

I don't like this idea. It just takes up more room on the boards. Every single day i see it and i hate it i would just like to delete it alltogether...

**AmberLee** · 12-15-2002, 02:07 PM

Originally posted by Pam
...I am hoping that Kitty went in there willingly!

If he/she is anything like Cassy or Livvy, he/she did! My fur-kids LOVE boxes.

**anna_66** · 12-15-2002, 02:37 PM

Originally posted by DogMania
I don't like this idea. It just takes up more room on the boards. Every single day i see it and i hate it i would just like to delete it alltogether...

If you don't like it, just don't click on it, then you won't have to worry about it

**ellensy** · 12-16-2002, 01:20 AM

i luuuvvvv this thread hehe....

makes me laugh and smile all the time hehe

**Twisterdog** · 12-16-2002, 02:11 AM

I decided to read this thread today, having never looked at it before. I spend ALL evening reading these jokes ... TOOO funny! What a great thread!

If I could remember any jokes for longer than ten minutes, I'd add some ... but I guess I'll just have to be content with reading everyone elses!

Good job, everyone!! Very funny!!

DogMania, I can't believe you don't find this thread hilarious! Sheesh! If you don't like it, why do you open it and read it?

**anna_66** · 12-17-2002, 06:47 AM

The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of
hunting season.

Or pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand.

Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of
you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the
whole congregation pray for your deer."

One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven.
God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that
on every 5th step He would tell them a joke. He told them not to
laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be
able to enter Heaven.

The brunette went first and started laughing on the 45th step, so
she could not enter Heaven.

The redhead went next and started laughing on the 200th step, so
she could not enter Heaven either.

Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step,
she started laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke."

"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."

**ellensy** · 12-17-2002, 09:49 AM

Funny one Anna66!

**Cookiebaker** · 12-17-2002, 08:53 PM

*LOL* I love that last blonde joke!! I'll try to remember it and tell it to my coworkers tomorrow!

**popcornbird** · 12-17-2002, 10:04 PM

Originally posted by DogMania
I don't like this idea. It just takes up more room on the boards. Every single day i see it and i hate it i would just like to delete it alltogether...

I don't think it takes a lot of room on the board. It appears just like any other thread but has lots of pages. You don't have to open it if you don't like it. Everyone seems to love it. This thread was made early summer and has been up for a long time, and its still always on the first page. That shows how much everyone is enjoying it. This is the last thread I would ever delete, so there's no hope in having it disappear.