joke thread

[krazyaboutkatz]

LOL Great jokes everyone. Here's a funny cartoon.

[Former User]

At a party, Albert Einstein introduces himself to the first person he sees and immediately asks, "What is your IQ?"
"241," the man replies.
"Wonderful!" Albert says. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert then introduces himself to a woman nearby, asking, "And what is your IQ?"
The lady answers, "144."
"Great!" says Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Moving around the room, Albert pulls aside another man and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51."

Albert lets go of his arm and takes his hand to shake it, saying, "Hello Mr. President!"

[krazyaboutkatz]

Here are some more funny pics.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Here's a brave puppy.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Here's one cool rabbit.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Here's a dog with a lot of spirit.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Here's a man with a very bad headache.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Here's a funny fryer.

[AmberLee]

Cute ones, KAK! Really appreciate the chuckles! Thanks.

[Former User]

A teacher was upset that one little boy was swearing in class. "Todd," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear those words?"
"My daddy says that," Todd replied.
"Well, that doesn't matter," the teacher explained. "I don't want to hear that language in here again." Turning away, the teacher muttered "At least he doesn't know what it means."

"I do, too!" the little boy replied. "It means the car won't start!

[Former User]

I hope this doesn't offend anyone....

A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.

She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.

He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, "Who is it?"

He replied, "It's the plumber."

He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"

He said, "It's the plumber!"

He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"

He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!!"

Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, "Who is it?"; "Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!" he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.

The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, "A dead body!" she exclaimed, "Who is it?!"

The parrot said, "It's the plumber."

[Former User]

IBM: Idiotic Bit Masher

---------------------------------------------

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.

[Former User]

Blonde Cook Book:

MONDAY:
It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors
were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY:
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said
serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a
surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but
I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY:
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of
lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up
to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all
ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have
been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back,
everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY:
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.
He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some
reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY:
Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast.
All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash
of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the
controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much
to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for
tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob.
If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to
surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

[krazyaboutkatz]

[Former User]

Teacher: "If you had six apples and I asked you for three, how many would you have left?"

Student: "Six."