Advice needed.

[CagneyDog]

I know that this is so petty but I just need some advice. It's a really long story, a friend lied to me just for "laughs" in front of her friends. She said that she flew to Toronto, slept with some people, spent her parents money etc. I now find out that she didn't truly go there and instead was just saying that because it made her seem like some hot shot in front of her friends. How do I handle this? She is one of my better friends, we're close, I tell her a lot and I'm pretty hurt by this. Things are going pretty good right now so I'm not going to allow myself to be dragged down by this for long. I just want some advice on how to handle it with her, what to say, should I continue being friends with her? I really don't like how she acts around other people. Should I give her some space for awhile...or maybe not even say anything at all and just move on? I don't know...people don't get my trust easily and she had it, and now it's all gone...

Thanks.

[Karen]

You need to have a serious talk with her. You can express how uncomfortable with her changing how she acts around other people. You can tell her that you will not again stand there while she lies to others. And add that such lies can only come back to haunt her.

If she has no answer for that, I am afraid your friendship over, sadly.

[Toby's my baby]

I agree with Karen, you really need to talk to her. This is what happend to me....

This guy whom liked me at the time, told me he was moving back to Florida, because he didn't get along with his mom's boyfriend. I believed him, and actually ASKED my parents if he could move in with us so he wouldn't have to move again. He carried on with this joke for about 2 weeks, and I felt so bad. I was really upset, and he let me think it the WHOLE time. He claims he did it to try to get me to like him, or realize that I liked him, but my ex boyfriend told him I would be angry with him, but he wouldn't believe him. Well guess what, it backfired on him!! When he told me the truth I was SO angry with him, I stopped talking to him. I treated the situation VERY immaturely, but I just couldn't stand the fact that he lied to me. Eventually after about a week, HE called ME and appologized, and explained it to me, and we have been great friends since.

I'd recomend calling her and explaining how you feel. Talking on the phone can get a lot more out, and you tend to say more of what you want to, which you would be afraid to say in person.

Good luck! {HUGS}

[Dorothy39]

Perhaps this friend looks "up" to you and needs to learn how to grow up, but, is having a hard time with the rigors/demands of adulthood.(putting something or someone before yourself)

She/he , admires your traits, yet, has self doubt as to HOW TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP!!! Without the aid of a parent.

Take these cues, of inconfidence on your friends part.Always, Present yourself as a wonderful example for this person to follow.

Perhaps you can confront her/him as to why this "fictional" story seemed important, without assigning a character flaw.


Keep your chin up---

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Like the others said, I would talk to her. Sometimes people are insecure and they feel the need to make themselves feel cool by lying about things. I have a friend who I'm very close to, and to most people she seems very confident, but sometimes she will say extreme things or change herself for her boyfriends because I think deep down she has almost no self-confidence.

If you talk to your friend and she is sorry about lying to you, I would forgive her. Sometimes people do dumb things. If it was me I would forgive her as long as she didn't do it with an intent to really hurt me.