Stressed...

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

When it rains, it pours, doesn't it?

EVERYONE is bugging me about scholarships. EVERYONE. I have no choice but to go to college, and of course I'm going, but people just WON'T get off my BACK. Scholarships this, have you signed up for that, you're going to miss this, surprise everyone and do it for once.

I'm so SICK of people telling me what to do. Angie got on my back for a while, then my dad, now my grandma. They will NOT leave me ALONE about it! *sigh*

And my mom? Don't even get me STARTED on her. She lied to us twice in the past two weeks about seeing John, she ditched my aunt and uncle one weekend to see him and ditched my sister the other weekend, leaving her with NO RIDE HOME. What a mom.

I'm just SO frustrated. All of this frustration has taken me to extreme measures, and I just can't seem to relieve any of this stress. The shit just never stops, nor gets better.

And Mike. Don't even get me started on HIM either. He asked me out again, (for the fourth time), and I want to see him and hang out with him, but I know that I will fall in love with him again. Heck, I'm already in love with him, I just can't get out. I know he's bad for me, but he's so hard to let go of, too.

I have marks all over my arms, and I have taken to wearing long sleeves. I don't cut myself... I've just really taken to snapping my wrists with rubber bands. It seems to help, I don't know, but I do it so much I don't even feel it anymore. I even have bite marks on my arms, in addition to unintended scratches from other things. My arms are a war zone.

*shakes head*

I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I'm going crazy.

[lizbud]

Life is full of stressful times and since we cannot do anything at all to change the way the people in your life act toward you & others, we must
consentrate on dealing with the stress we can do something about. Each
little success will make you feel better about yourself & your abilities.Go
ahead and look into and apply for scholarships for school and keep your
eye on your future and not your past.Just keep moving forward.

[Catty1]

Sweetie...you have us to talk to always...but a real live person, in the short term, might be a good idea too.

You are hurting yourself. No, not cutting...but I worry that this won't get better on its own.

Call a crisis line or check with your doctor or even the YWCA/a women's centre or shelter and please go talk to somebody for a while.

Be wary of Mike - he might be looking only for what is good for HIM, what HE wants.

What do YOU want, hon?

hugs hugs hugs

Catty1

[Alysser]

I'm so sorry your life is in a bump right now. My parents bother me about scholarships as well and I'm in SEVENTH grade. I'm 13 years old, what do I know about college? I don't even want to go now, that's how annoying my parents are. I hope all works out.

About Mike, it's really what you want, as said earlier. I personally would just give him another chance and if he does this to you agian just say no and explain to him what he is doing to you.

Good luck!

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

It's just SO hard. Everyone expects so much of me. My mom gets SO mad when I get B's on my report card, C's are even worse. My grades are slipping, I'm aware of it. I'm maintaining a B average in most of my classes. Nothing I do is EVER good enough for ANYONE.

I KNOW I can't handle stress. I know everything I do is wrong, I just can't help it. My self-esteem is shot, so is my confidence. I go through spells where I don't eat... purely so I can feel like I'm staying up to Mike's satisfaction, to make him happy. I eat only when people are around, but after a few days of fasting I binge. I have such overwhelming guilt about eating, so I fast again... it's an ongoing cycle of PAIN in my life right now.

[Catty1]

GO TO YOUR DOCTOR AND GET HELP!

This is NOT a do-it-yourself situation!

You are feeling worse, not better.

GO GET HELP YESTERDAY!

Catty1

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Today is a better day. Haven't eaten anything yet (as I have no lunch money, go figure), but I am happier. I get my yearbook today, and I have to work (with Mike, unfortunately)... but I'll be online tonight too, and my mom won't be home. I'll have a nice, semi-un-stressful night. I just need to keep myself sane until we go camping on Friday. That place is the biggest stress reliever there is. There's just something about being with my family (probably will get hassled with the scholarship crap again...) but being with my family (Angie and her kids are coming, and one of my dad's friends that I really like) and just the outdoors... campfires, cooking over open fire... I can't wait. I love it soo much.

I'm better today, I promise.

[Catty1]

I am thinking long term...I am glad you are better today.

Will you be able to live on your own in another place when you go to college?

hugs
Catty1

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Yes, I'm sure I'll be fine. I'll probably go to a college very close to home so I can still stay with my dad. He needs me just as much as I need him. I'm at school right now... long day ahead of me. I'm really not looking forward to seeing Mike tonight, we sort of had an argument... well not an argument persay, but it will be awkward tonight, I know it. I'm so glad school is almost over. I can't wait for the stress to be gone, for me to catch up on my sleep, and for me to just not have to deal with homework and projects and essays and reports... the list goes on.

I'll make it, I hope. I need to pull myself from these bad habits though. I have a cut on my wrist under where my bracelets are, and I have a bad habit of touching it... you know if your hands are a little dirty, touching an open wound can make it sting? I do that a lot... as well as getting hand sanitizer on it, which also hurts really bad...

Switching subjects, I'm going to visit my friend in Minnesota this summer. (PepperRSM) Pretty excited. I need to lose weight though, so I look halfway decent in a swimsuit.

[Vela]

I don't like to give advice, but I think you need counseling. It would help you deal with the emotions. I also think you should get away from the guy completely, as it's not helping you at all. You might be having a better day but you aren't better and you need counseling and perhaps family counseling as well with your parents, to deal with these issues. You shouldn't be hurting yourself.

[Iilo]

Your words lead me to think that you'll probably progress to more Self Injuring behavior.

I agree with most everyone else -- you need to get an outside source of help, preferably a professional.

[Zippy]

First of all this is not a normal handle it youself thing.
You are hurting yourself maybe not cutting but you sound like you want to.You need to get help NOW!
Talk to someone anyone now.Get help.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I don't *want* to talk to anyone. I'm fine handling this by myself... I promise.

[Catty1]

Okay...but just think about it. It can make life a lot easier. A LOT easier. I know.


here's a saying to bear in mind: "You don't have to ride the dump truck all the way to the dump."

This means that while you may not WANT to talk to someone right now...if you keep going on the path you are, one day you may well HAVE to.

If you don't want to be where you HAVE to do it, because you crash and burn...then head it off at the pass.

I think if you tried six sessions, you would be amazed, really amazed.

And relieved.

HUGS
Catty1