Hi everyone.
I know I haven't posted since we lost out baby. It has been hard. I thank you all for the support and caring you have shown us. I especially thank all of you amazing people who continue to check in on us through PM, IM and email. You all know who you are. You all hold a very special place in our hearts for all the caring support and compassion you have shown us. We love you.
I don't know how you will all feel once I tell what happened but here goes. Just know I love my little girl and I did what was best or so I felt. I still question it every single day and wonder if I should have done something different.
You all know the basics of the story. But I will give a short version that covers all. She was and will always be my baby.
My sweet little girl got a rabies shot and microchipped on August 31, 2005. Less than 2 days later she started having problems breathing. The vets could not nail down what was wrong. At first they thought it was a reaction to the shot then they thought possisble heart failure but decided no it was more than likely asthma.
Well after almost 1 week it had not improved and she went in for an x-ray. Her chest cavity was full of fluid. She had a tumor caused from feline leukemia. We didn't know she was ill at all. The shot had caused her immune system to drop allowing the leukemia to take over and start showing symptoms. She was having severe trouble breathing and would gag and start to go into respiratory arrest when handled by the vet.
We could do 3 things. Tap her chest, bring her home or euthenize. If we tapped her chest there was a very high risk (over 90%, almost definate) of respiratory failure and she would die on the table. She would be alone, in pain and scared out of her mind. If we brought her home she would not get any better. It was only the matter of a short time and we would lose her and also she would suffer. If we euthenized we lost our little girl but she would go with us holding her, comforting her and without prolonged suffering.
We choose the latter. I question myself everyday if I did the right thing. I miss her so much. This is still very raw and it is very difficult to deal with. She was just a baby only 18 months old. R.I.P. my angel. Momma loves you more than you can ever imagine.
I'm sooooo sorry Lilith.
Thank you for listening.
(((HUGS)))
Michelle
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