Letter to your pets

**Prairie Purrs** · 07-05-2006, 06:59 PM

My sister forwarded this in an e-mail today, and I thought folks here would be amused:

A LETTER TO YOUR PETS

Dear dogs and cats, The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not mean it becomes your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep! It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm and disrespect.

For the last time, there is not a "secret" exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or stick your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's rear end. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! I cannot stress this enough.

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

RULES FOR NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND ALWAYS COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (that's why they call it "fur"niture)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

**moosmom** · 07-05-2006, 07:07 PM

CatsInDenver,

That was great!!

The stairway is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I only wish MooShoo could read!

**christa** · 07-05-2006, 07:17 PM

That's cute. I'm reading that one OUT LOUD to Josie & Brodie right now, just in case they understand!!!

Especially the door scratching part!

**catmandu** · 07-05-2006, 08:02 PM

Dear Found Cats,
Your Dad is much older and less atheletic than you so running in front of him,is not encouraged especially when he wears the diabetic slippers.
When I am trying to get the right number of pills in the glass, please dont take them out.
They are for humans, and you will be ill if you swallow one.
Thats why I chase you away Miquelito.
And you see each other many times.
Therefore you should not be suprised to see the same Cats, and start a fight while your Dead Dad is absorbed in doing something, and a ban on shreiking at the top of your lungs would be appreciated.
And the food has to cook, constant meeows wont cook it any faster.
Your Dad LOVES YOU!

**Laura's Babies** · 07-05-2006, 09:07 PM

I love both of them... Gary, your just added what the other one left out.

**momcat** · 07-06-2006, 07:23 PM

That is just too funny! Only someone owned by a pet would really understand. Will our furry companions have this read to them by their owners and get the message? I think not. Our pets live by one tenet... What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine!

**kb2yjx** · 07-07-2006, 04:11 PM

They are both funny!!! Thanks for sharing !!

**CultureJunky** · 07-08-2006, 04:53 AM

I love that, that's great. It really made me smile

**todd** · 07-08-2006, 09:15 PM

Thats cute

**krazyaboutkatz** · 07-09-2006, 12:55 AM

LOL This is great.

**smokey the elder** · 07-09-2006, 08:35 AM

I think that's cute. I've seen a variant which says "adopted childern who don't run up my phone bill and max out my credit card." Although, some of my cats have come close to maxing out my credit card with vet bills...