I'm totally losing it!!!!! :(

[NoahsMommy]

You guys. Please offer me some advice. I don't know what to do. Eight cats is too many for me to take care of, and is about 7 too many for David to "deal" with.

Phoebe is peeing all over our freaking apartment. She's now residing in her cage in our closet because she can't stop peeing everywhere. All the boxes are totally clean and in safe, quiet areas. I have two Feliway plug-ins in a 850 sq ft apartment. I add Rescue Remedy to their water daily.

My latest plan was to make sure NOTHING is on the floor for her to mark, pee, whatever the reason she's doing it for. And this morning woke up to her peeing on our bed, ON DAVID!!

Before she was in the closet, we had her in the bathroom for the morning after the bed incident. She was crying and David totally blew up at me. I don't know what to do. I'll take my cats over stupid David anytime. But what really made me mad was that he pounded on the door while she was crying and yelled "Shut up you stupid cat!!!" She's a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What gives anyone the right to act like that toward a baby? I don't think she knows what she's doing, she's an animal.

What do I do? I think we'll need to just find homes for Samson (formally Emma) and Phoebe now. Its just too much and I don't think its fair to our other cats. I've been saying that for a while now, but its hard with their eye condition, trusting someone to care as much as I do. We'll keep them until after they're recovered from their surgery, but now David's freaking about that too. Aparently he's been quite resentful of the cats taking up my time and our $$....that's a whole other story.

I'm so sorry to unload all this on the internet. I don't have anyone else to talk to where he wont hear me. Or...people that will understand what my cats mean to me.

I've stressed myself out so much, I have to go take a stupid vicodin.

What do I do? Any ideas on how to make her stop peeing? David's annoyed he has to hear her cry in the closet too.

[cutie_chica]

Well, I only had this problem once, and it was when I went away for a weekend and left my Princess with my boyfriend for a week after I returned she left a "prize" for me everyday on my pillow. I think cats do it to rebel, maybe there are to many cats for her, and she feels like she isnt getting enough attention? I would Imagine having 8 cats is a hard job. I only have 3 and Its hard for me! Good luck! Keep me posted on how you kitties are doing!

[Barbara]

Kelly I just came here and read it and I am so terribly sorry. I don't have any advice - just a lack of experience here. Eight kitties may be too much.

I know I have seen David with the cats before and he seemed close to them. So maybe he's just a bit overwhelmed by the problems at the moment -and men can take less than women.

I send my thoughts out to you.

[Pam]

Kelly I am so sorry to hear you being so stressed. I am afraid I have no advice to offer, having only ever had 2 cats. I am hoping Jen will see this thread and offer some suggestions. (((hugs)))

[NoahsMommy]

Thank you for your kind words.

Barbara...I 100% agree that men cannot handle anywhere near as much. I know its not fair to him if the cats are causing him problems if it was me who brought them home. I'm so frustrated...they get so much attention and love, they all do, it seems like its my full-time job. I guess, maybe Phoebe just needs to be in a home with less or no other cats.

Pam,
Thank you for your hugs.

[Cataholic]

Kelly,
I don't have the magic solution to stop the peeing, but, hopefully you realize this IS a temporary situation. I know with Binx, there have been more than one time where I said, "That's it! I can't take it anymore. Too many animals, too many problems." It does pass. I would confine Phoebe to a crate, with a box, for awhile. I know Jen L had this problem, and I forget how many weeks she did it with her kitty. Then, obviously, you have to address the issue with David. Either he stays with you, and deals with the fact you have cats, or he doesn't. It isn't fair to you for him to accept it sometimes, and then be resentful others. You could have a far worse 'problem' then being too compassionate about cats. Please hang in there.
Johanna

[jenluckenbach]

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry!!!!!!!

Has Phoebe been doing this all along, or has this come up since the spay surgery?

Believe me........I have had many times when I was ready to just "sell all the cats!!!" I cry and bring myself close to hyper ventilating. Too many......too much.......too expensive........too time consuming......... Then I think of their alternatives. A cage at a shelter. A new home that may (or may NOT) understand their idiosyncracies. A room at a no-kill shelter where there are usually far too many cats and far too little time for proper affection. At a home that would keep them outside only. DEAD. None of these things seem fair, to them or to me. I'd never forgive myself. Now don't get me wrong, proper re-homing is often a good thing, it is what the fostering is all about, but to just give up those who you prominsed to love and care for should not be done lightly.

In your shoes I'd start with Emma. IF the surgeon wants him, let him go. It would be in his best interest.
Then work with Phoebe. Figure out why or how it can be solved.
And talk with David. Tell him you agree, it might be too many and it IS nasty to have to clean up all the time and it's terribly expensive but life is not always perfect. If you gave birth to a child who continually had serious problems, you would not just send him away. you'd find ways to deal with it.

Hope things calm down soon, and talk to your vet about Phoebe. There IS help out there.

[Cincy'sMom]

I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now And I know how much you love and care about Phoebe and Samson, but you have to do what is best for your family...the other cats willnotice your strss and won't be as happy. If you think things willg etbetter andit can work, then by all means go for it. But if it isn't going to work, I'm sure you will find them great homes. Is the vet (or was it vet tech?) still intersted?

Good Luck! I hope everything works out for the best for all involved

[NoahsMommy]

Jen,

I swear you live in my head!!! EXACTLY...everything that you said....EXACTLY. That's what's been going through my head. We can't give up on them, there is a reason we have them. If we didn't, I just know they'd be put to sleep with their eye condition.

I really, really hope the surgeon still wants Emma/Samson. Gosh, if she doesn't...I don't even know where to start. Customers are always calling for kittens, so I guess that would be a good way. At least I'd still get to keep tabs on them.

As far as David. This whole thing has more than showed me that he needs to mature GREATLY before we even consider something like kids. He is such a drama queen when he finds out. Could you imagine how he'd react if it was a child??

Phoebe has always peed on that lambswool stuff they put in kitty beds. So, I keep those type outside in the enclosure and have only that slick surface cat beds in the house. The morning of her spay, she peed in one of the new beds I just bought so I washed it out, sprayed it with Frebreeze and took her in. (At the vet, she will only use her litter box.)

Last night, David found her scratching on top of a plastic grocery bag. She peed in that. I also caught her inside their new toy box, peeing all inside it. I had thought I smelled cat pee in it the morning of her spay, but figured it was just the cat bed. Turns out that has been a favorite spot too!!! This morning, I was cutting out coupons and she peed on the paper!

David even said that if she doesn't stop peeing, we'll have to put her down! Yea...that went over quite well, I told him I'd put him down first!!!!

[Kater]

I'm so sorry, Kelly. ((((HUGS))))

It seems to me that the more kitties you try to integrate into one home the exponentially harder it becomes to add one more with totally "smooth sailing." I agree with Cataholic that this is most likely a temporary problem but it will probably take a lot of diligence and time to work through (none of which I doubt you would happily give your kitties!)

However, David's immaturity may make that quite difficult.

I think you need to think of your original kitties (the 6) and yourself (especially your health!) first and try to get these two into a new environment. Are there any rescue orgs or no-kill shelters that you would trust with Samson & Phoebe? What if you offered to pay for their expenses until they were adopted, that could offer as incentive for the groups to take them. I think sometimes rescue groups have willing caretakers but just not enough money to take on additional rescues. That’s really the only idea I have right now but if I think of any more I will PM you.

And if David has a problem with that (the money) then tell him when you took on the responsibility of these kittens that you always intended to keep your promise to them and get them better lives and loving homes. You take your commitments seriously and can diligently work to push through the bad times as well as celebrating the good. Perhaps you could even add that you’d appreciate it if he took his commitments as seriously. (No, you don’t have to say any of that, that’s just what I would say. )

More ((((HUGS)))) to you, sweet Kelly. Again, I’m so sorry that so much &%^# is going on right now.

[NoahsMommy]

You all are so sweet. Thank you so much for being here for me...I can't tell you how much better you've all made me feel.

Johanna,
Thank you for your support. I know this shall pass. I have to remember that.

Kate,
You are such a sweetie. Thank you so much for your reassuring words and wonderful ideas! I'll call my TNR contact today.

Jen...or anyone who knows. I just fed the cats. I put Samson and Phoebe into the bathroom to eat (like always, so they eat their food and the older cats leave them alone). They are still in there, but I don't know if I should allow Phoebe to play for a few moments. Will that make it harder to keep her in her cage/crate? Will it have an adverse effect? Or, will keeping her in the cage be worse?

[NoahsMommy]

OK....I feel the need to give David a tiny bit of an excuse for being mad (that's all, he's allowed to be mad at this, but nothing else)...

Phoebe did pee and poop on his softball bag and glove.

[shais_mom]

Wow, Kelly! You poor thing!!!
Sounds like you have been thru the ringer this weekend!!!
I think the best thing would be to rehome Phoebe and Samson. I know you love them with all your heart but it sounds as tho Phoebe has some 'issues'. That, yes can be worked thru and I know you are more then willing to do it, but it sounds as tho you might not be getting the support you would need now. Would the eye doctor consider taking both of them? You can give the whole kitten speel as to at least they would have someone else to grow up with and play with type thing.
As for David, hmmmmmmm, I am not quite sure what to say. Yes he has a reason to be angry and vent. And sometimes even tho you know it doesn't do any good to yell at something b/c they don't understand, doesn't make you any less angry. I probably would have blown my top also. Sometimes you just have to have temper tantrums, I guess, and it seems as tho things are coming to a head in your household. And the good thing is that Phoebe was on the other side of the door. And noone got hurt, just pi$$ed off.
I am going to step out on a limb here and be the 'bad cop' and say, I for one have been worried about you since you took in these (adorable) kitties. Money issues are none of my business, but I am more afraid of the fact, of your apt manager if you get 'caught', having the extra cats.
I know that multiple cat households can thrive and flourish, as it is successfully being down countless places here in PetTalkville alone, and I know that the people that have replied to you can offer you more and better advice then I can. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and offering support if you so desire. I am only a PM away!
{{hugs to you}}

[catcrazylady]

I'm so so so sorry that your having such a hard time! It will pass and it will get better! It is stressful to care for so many furbabies and especially when you have one that wants to pee everywhere!Maybe David needed to blow off some steam and he will feel differently in the morning. Sometimes you just have to let go and it sounds like he did The holidays add more financial stress and maybe that made him think about how much the kitties cost. I really bet things look better in the morning.
I have no idea what else you can do to get Phoebe to stop peeing everywhere. We all know the trouble little Katie has caused for her family. We are going through a similar situation right now because I haven't gotten the two youngest boys fixed yet. They are marking things and we all know how that smells!! My husband knows that we can't get them to the vet due to work hours and money until after the first of the year. He only lost his patience once and this is what I did. Maybe this will make you smile. He went to bed one night before me so by the time I got there he was already asleep. I crawled in under the covers and landed right in a big wet pee spot!! Instead of waking him up and changing the sheets I got up took a shower and then went to sleep in the recliner!! I let him sleep all night under the pi$$y blanket and I felt so much better for doing that! That was my way of getting even!! Fortunately my husband is very patient and kind and loves the cats very much. He just occasionally has enough, but sometimes it is overwhelming for us all!
I know you have talked to the vet about Phoebe and I suppose there wasn't any advice that would help?

[jenluckenbach]

When I had to cage re-train Jim and Sterling, the vet recommended that they stay in there without outside roaming priveledges. BUT when I told her that Jim was terribly stressesd in the cage (noisy as all get out!!!) she said then allow them supervised visits outside the cage, but keep close tabs on them. So use that as your judgement as to whether to allow Phoebe time out or not.