dealing with death

[doglover05]

Isn't it sad when a pet dies? I think if you are really attached to a pet it can be just as hard to say goodbye as it is with a human person. I know when my guinea pig died I was sad for a few days because even when you are down pets make everything a little better.

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Thats very true doglover05, it seems we give unconditional love to our pets, no strings attached. It's very hard to lose them and we tuck them in a corner of our heart to be remembered forever.



[This message has been edited by jackiesdaisy1935 (edited February 14, 2001).]

[tatsxxx11]

I am a nurse and have had to deal with death on a regular basis. I have known the loss of patients, of a parent and of friends. Losing any of our pets is just as hard and sometimes more so, in way. They cannot speak, let their needs or wishes be known. They look to us for all decisions; for help. They are vulnerable in a way that us humans are not. It is an awesome responsibility and the ultimate selfless love; the love of a pet. I am so sorry you lost your little friend. But their memories remain with us forever. They never leave us. My thoughts are with you, and for certain you are not alone in your pain. Love to you

[4 feline house]

Doglover, I am so sorry you lost your little piggie.

Losing a pet is very hard. Sometimes I think I will never get over it. I still weep over kitties that have been gone many years. It is just as hard as losing a human loved one, only different. I still weep over the loss of my sister and that was over twenty years ago. The hurt gets better, but never goes away. It is the same with all our beloved pets at the rainbow bridge. One big difference is, when my sister passed, there was a funeral, notices in the papers, cards, flowers, phone calls, visitors, lots of hugs, love and support. The significance of the trauma was validated in our friend's and society's response. This in turn validated my sister's worth. When our pets pass, it's "oh". It's almost like we are made to think we are crazy because we think the loss of a pet is so traumatic, and that our pets were worthless.

Almost two years ago, I lost all three of my cats in a very tragic, very preventable (by me) accident. The devastation I felt was almost overwhelming. It was made even more unbearable by the fact that no one was interested in letting me cry on their shoulder. At best I was offered a short "oh, how sad" before the subject was quickly changed. At worst I was made to feel like it wasn't even a subject worth mentioning. Only one close friend, who was a dog lover who had lost her favorite dog in a similar accident, showed any sympathy.

I guess it's part of the same attitudes that allow so many pets to be abused, abandoned, and unneutered.

Thank goodness for this wonderful site, where we know we can turn when we need someone to understand the depth of our loss.

[Pam]

Doglover05.....Your recent loss brought back to mind the loss of my son's piggie, Gretel. One warm sunny day I put Gretel's cage outside on the back deck to get some nice sunshine and fresh air. A couple of hours later she was dead. Apparently they can't tolerate direct sunlight and the sun had moved right overhead. It was so hard for me that day when my son got off the bus to tell him that Gretel had died and I had been responsible. He was a sweetie though and didn't blame me although he grieved.

4 Feline House....I wish Pet Talk had existed at the time of your loss. This site is filled with wonderful people and is a real source of encouragement and love from the most caring group of strangers whom I have come to regard as friends.

[This message has been edited by Pam (edited February 15, 2001).]

[Gio]

I agree with you 4 feline house. People who have not experienced the love a pet gives you do not understand the grief you feel over the loss of a pet. When one of my cats died someone even told me that it was only a cat after all... That made me so mad, my cat was with me for 18 wonderful years, I believe that is normal to be upset after you lose someone who shared your life for such a long time.

Luckily my immediate familiy understands and, when it will happen again I know that I can turn to this board as well.

[Daisy's Mom]

Daisy is my first dog. In the past I had many fish, 8 hermit crabs, a hamster, and two budgies. The deaths of my fish and hermit crabs weren't very traumatizing, and I had to give my birds away because they were frighteningly vicious. However, Ritz my hamster was the first pet I had been attached to. I have this posted in another place, so sorry for those of you who have to read it twice, but it does help to talk about it. One day Ritz started acting sick. My mom took me out of school early to take him to the only vet we found who would care for hamsters, over an hour away. The vet gave him a shot and some medicine for me to give him each morning. It was in all $70. That money gave him one more day of life. The next morning, I took him out of his large cage and started to fill his mouth with medicine from my medicine dropper, when he started having convulsions, and he died in my hands. To a little sixth grader who had never before experienced death, it was bad. I couldn't go to school and I cried for over five hours straight. My father took me outside to bury him that cold January day only to find the ground was frozen... we can laugh at it now, when my mom tells of the two of us standing un the backyard uner the apple tree, me holding Ritz in a box, bawling, my father splitting the ground with a pic axe. We gave up and had to bury him under our porch. I still bring clover (his favorite food) and flowers I pick to his grave on his birthday, August 5, and I sprinkle some of the bird seed he loved so much on the anniversary of his death, January 17. The worst part of my hamster dying was how much people made fun of me. "He's just a HAMSTER! A little rodent! You can buy another one." No one understood! Yes he was a hamster, but not JUST a hamster. He was my pet and I loved him! I agree with Gio, it's very comforting to know that the next time I have to experience the death of a pet, I have all of you here to understand and help me through.

[Logan]

Daisy's Mom,
I feel your pain! I'm a 38 year old mother now, but I remember the death of every pet I have ever had (maybe with the exception of certain fish).
Now I relive those awful feelings everytime we lose one here. Last year, our little Rusty, a hamster we had for over two years, died. Poor Helen fell apart. I held Rusty for over three hours while he died. It was the saddest thing. I didn't handle the death of our Cocker Spaniel almost two years ago very well either. As a mom, I have to be the strong one as I have a very sensitive little girl to deal with. But it is HARD!
And you're right, it never gets any easier.
Isn't it great to have wonderful "internet" friends who understand?

[4 feline house]

Since my current crew is so young yet, hopefully it will be a long time before I suffer another loss, but, yes, it is nice to know that everyone is here to help when the time comes. Daisy's mom, I'm glad you, and everyone else, can post on the board to make you feel better. Even the little "rodents" can be a big part of someone's life. I was petsitting a friend's menagerie when her little guinea pig died. She had warned me that he was old and she wasn't sure he would make it through her trip. Not being familiar with guinea pigs, I saw nothing wrong with him and fell in love with him the first day. I played with him, petted him, and hand fed him. The second day he was listless and refusing food. The third day he suffered a siezure and died. I took it harder than my friend! Those little guys are just as special, even if they can't wag a tail or purr!

[RachelJ]

To all of you who have lost a pet, you are not alone nor misunderstood here. It does help to talk about it and I personally want to thank those who have listened to me on a number of occasions talk about losing my Bailey and Tizzie. These were not even recent deaths, yet my friends here were so generous in their understanding. Don't ever hesitate to let out your feelings about your love and loss on this board. I feel bad for those who can't comprehend. They are the ones who have not known the intense relationship with a pet.

Spencer, I worry about what you are referring to. I don't even want to take a planned trip with my husband because this issue has not been resolved in our household.

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Having your pet outlive you is very hard to think about. We are so close to our pets, in the past we traveled far and wide, now we travel close to home and with Daisy and Perry. Since we are in our mid sixties and early seventies this issue hits close to home. We have discussed this with our son and his family who said they would be more than happy to take Daisy and Perry should
something like this occur. We have all the confidence in the world they would be well cared for and feel free to enjoy them at this place in time.

[Logan]

I posted this response last night on another topic. Fits better here.I must admit that I don't worry constantly, but have done the "what if" thing. I know my daughter would be well taken care of by her dad if something happened to me, but what about the rest of them? Oh, Spencer, why did I read your post when I was just about to call it a night and go to sleep? Wouldn't it be great to have someone just step into your place and take over where you left off? Every one of my pets is so easy to love, that I can only hope that they would have happy homes. I have a friend that I know would take Honey and Mimi in a heartbeat, but the rest of them...I don't know. You have given me the "push" to think about all of them and what would happen if I weren't able to care for them, or God forbid, I was gone. What an awful thing to think about..........

[4 feline house]

Spencer, that is a subject that has weighed heavily on my mind the last year or so. I have been diabetic for about twenty years, and have had kidney disease for about 10 years now. Statistically speaking, I have about ten years left. Of course, that doesn't mean I can't stick around another thirty, but I could also drop dead tomorrow. I have been estranged from my family for years now, and even if I wasn't none of them would be acceptable - my mother lives on a very busy corner yet still keeps a cat door, and my sister lives in a strict apartment. I am not estranged from my brother and sister-in-law, but they live in South Carolina, have fewer financial resources than me, and are so into drugs that they often don't even know if they have cat food in the house or not. My only close friend that even likes cats already has a houseful and lives in an apartment. There would be no way she could take on four more. My son is 16, so if I go after he has left home there will be the chance that he may be able to take them. But a young man is usually either in college, has roommates, or lives in small quarters to save money, if not all three. So unless I far exceed the normal life expectancy of a diabetic with kindey failure, the chances are that he will also be unable to take them. I know the Dallas SPCA has a program just for pets that have survived their owners, but it is very expensive and I have four cats. Because of my health, I can only get limited life insurance coverage, even through employer life insurance plans (I can get none on my own, even to supplement and employer plan). So, yes, I am acutely aware of the fact that my cats may be euthanized in the event of my death. This is why, after my other cats died, I did not go out and adopt another. But then Peaches showed up, and she was pregnant, and six weeks is way too long to have little tubbie-bellied cutie baby cats in your house and not get way too attached to give them away. So now I find myself with four who may outlive me. All I can do is pray.

[Angels3]

4 feline house, you are so caring of your cats...so they must be loving and good house cats as a result. There are people who want to adopt older cats like that. This is just a thought...so feel free to not like it. What if you started to make friends now with a no-kill cat refuge or rescue group? There might be some support you could give that's reasonable for you in your circumstances. Then, when you are no longer able to take care of your lovely cats, these people might find other good homes for them. There's a wonderful animal refuge in Texas where no animal is turned away or put down (unless for medical reasons). Cats are specially loved there, too.
Go to http://www.utopiarescue.com
Especially go visit the page where Kinky Friedman, who founded Utopia Rescue, has written an epilogue on the loss of his cat, Cuddles. Kinky is also the author of a series of detective novels where the main characters are himself & this very cat, Cuddles.
Go to http://www.utopiarescue.com/epilogue.htm


[This message has been edited by Angels3 (edited February 22, 2001).]

[Karen]

And don't forget, 4-feline house, that cats - pets in general, actually - are beneficial to your health. People with pets live longer than those without! And then there's Mr. Cat from a week ago http://CatoftheDay.com/archive/2001/February/15.html who alerts his diabetic owner - one of your kitties might do the same thing if it came down to that! So it is a good and happy thing that you have not one, but FOUR chances for your own health and life to be extended walking around your home and helpfully shedding on the furniture!