joke thread

[ellensy]

LOL Gee, i love this thread

[ChrisH]

Me too ellensy.

[Edwina's Secretary]

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So
he decides to buy her a cell phone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her
and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings
and it's her husband.

"Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your
voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't
understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Walmart?"

[Former User]

Edwina's Secretary! That's a good one!

[lovemymaltese]

that one is funny, thanks for sharing!

[krazyaboutkatz]

These jokes are too funny.

[AmberLee]

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O'Brian was called for his question session.

"Property holder?"

"Yes, I am, Your Honour."

"Married or single?"

"Married for twenty years, Your Honour."

"Formed or expressed an opinion?"

With a sigh, "No, not in the last twenty years, Your Honour."

[ellensy]

LOL

[Edwina's Secretary]

There was a man who had worked all
of his life and had saved all of his money
and was a real miser when it came to his money.
He loved money more than just about anything,
and just before he died, he said to his wife,
"Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my
money and put it in the casket with me.
Because I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart
that when he died, she would put all of the money in the
casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the
casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her
friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the
ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to
close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box
and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked
the casket down, and they rolled it away. So
her friend said,
"Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that
money in there with that man. " She said,
"Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that
I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket
with the man?" " I sure did,"
said the wife. "'I wrote him a check."

[gini]

Sara, although I heard a different version of this joke, it was my father's all time favorite.

Whenever there is a discussion about money and greed, I love to tell the joke.

[lovemymaltese]

light headed patients one was good. thanks!

[krazyaboutkatz]

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God:
> > > >> >> "God, I have a problem!"
> > > >> >> "What's the problem, Eve?" asks God.
> > > >> >> "God, I know you created me
> > > >> >> and provided this beautiful garden
> > > >> >> and all of these wonderful animals
> > > >> >> and that hilarious comedic snake,
> > > >> >> but I'm just not happy."
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> "God, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.
> > > >> >> I shall create man for you...
> > > >> >> But this man will be a flaw
ed creature,
> > > >> >> with many bad traits.
> > > >> >> He'll lie, cheat, and be vain glorious;
> > > >> >> all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
> > > >> >> But, on the plus side, he'll be bigger,
> > > >> >> faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.
> > > >> >> He will look silly when he's aroused,
> > > >> >> but since you've been complaining,
> > > >> >> I'll create him in such a way
> > > >> >> that he will satisfy your physical needs.
> > > >> >> He will be witless and will revel in childish things
> > > >> >> like fighting and kicking a ball about.
> > > >> >> He won't be too smart,
> > > >> >> so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
> > > >> >>
&
gt; > > >> >> "Sounds great," says Eve,
> > > >> >> with an ironically raised eyebrow.
> > > >> >> "What's the catch, God?"
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> "Well ... you can have him on one condition."
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> "What's that, God?"
> > > >> >> "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant,
> > > >> >> and self-admiring...
> > > >> >> So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first.
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> Just remember, it's our little secret...
> > > >> >>
> > > >> >> You know, woman to woman."
> > > >> >>
>
>

[AmberLee]

Great one, KAK!!!

Great Fathers
=============

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the schoolyard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are.

The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an
arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"

The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"

Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:30!

[lovemymaltese]

ha! I have always like the little johhny jokes.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Oh KAK...I've forwarded the Adam and Eve joke to all my girlfriends! It's great!