joke thread

[AmberLee]

My cousin sent me a cute joke, thought you might like it too.




Several men are in the locker room of a golf club, showering, getting changed for the 19th hole. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man picks it up, engages the hands-free speaker function, and begins a conversation

(M=man, W=wife):

M: "Hello?"

W: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

M: "Yes."

W: "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

M: "What's the price?"

W: "Only $1,000."

M: "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

W: "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

M: "What price did he quote you?"

W: "Only $60,000."

M: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W: "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

M: "What?"

W: " I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."

M: "How much are they asking?"

W: "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price. It may seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account...and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover the down."

M: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"

W: "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

M: "Bye...I love you too..."


The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The man holds up the phone and asks "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[krazyaboutkatz]

Good one AmberLee.

[anna_66]

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."

[Former User]

AmberLee and Anna, good jokes!

[Former User]

what if.... (part 1)

[Former User]

what if... (part 2)

[Former User]

what if... (part 3)

[Former User]

what if...(part 4)

[Former User]

[Former User]

catscan

[Former User]

[anna_66]

LOL Ninna! The chicken one...Mark's said that before

And the what if's....scaaaaarrrrrrryyyyyy!!!!

[Randi]

The Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to
friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of
his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock," the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong
an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of
the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock
in the morning!"

[krazyaboutkatz]

LOL Niina Those are too funny. Anna and Randi your jokes were great too.

[Randi]

An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with it, but I squeezed it in. When it said to put in the third disk - I just can't get it in at all!"

I have family who might do this - but then,I've also family who teaches CAD CAM. - but I don't think they see each other that much!