I really need to vent. I don't expect anyone to read this, however if you do, maybe you can offer some advice.

Back in May, 2011 my black Lab, Josie passed away. Anybody who knows me knew how much she meant to me. I got her when I was 12-13 years old. She was my first dog that was just mine. My first real responsibility. I saved up, and picked her out. I took care of her 100% myself, including her training. I had some rough times then including having troubles with my friends to the point I really had no one. I guess that's maybe why I bonded so much with her, I'm not sure. She really was everything to me. I know this is the one place where people can actually understand me when I say this. I've been struggling with severe depression for years now, and Josie was with me all the time. I truly believe she helped me through it.

Anyway, when she did pass away I was crushed. I honestly didn't think I would feel happy again. I really don't like people to see me upset so I didn't reach out to my friends for help. Though I was very alone and desperately wanted someone with me. I posted on facebook that she had passed. That I was crushed. People replied to that, but that was it. I have 6-7 people I always considered close friends, and maybe I was/am being selfish but I was very upset that not one of them called me on the phone or stopped by to visit me. When I later asked them about it they said well I never asked for them to see me and they felt I never wanted company because of how upset I was. I believe in one of the facebook comments someone said "let me know if you need anything" but I REALLY hate asking people to come be with me when I'm balling my eyes out. Some of my friends said nothing at all. I figured it was just misunderstanding.

A month or so later a friend's (the one who said nothing) cat died. I got a hold of her as soon as I heard and asked if we could get together so she could get her mind off it. Or we could talk or whatever. She wasn't really upset about it anymore after a day or two.

In August my precious cat passed away very unexpectedly of kidney failure. Kiba was very special to me as well and I shared a similar bond with her as I did Josie. I even told my boyfriend after Josie passed that I was so thankful for Kiba because she helped me through it and I don't think I could have without her. I was still very upset about Josie at the time, I lost my job 2 days before, and then this. I pretty much felt what's the point anymore? I was in a very bad state. Again, facebook comments. No calls, no visits.

I got very distant from my friends at this point. If I hang out with them it's for maybe an hour tops. I know I'm being selfish I can't expect them to read my mind. But honestly, if your good friend lost the most important thing in their life would you not go visit them? Or call. Even if they didn't ask you?

We always have a new years eve get together, which this year I wasn't invited to. Facebook tells me they are still going. At this point I delete facebook cause I'm so sick of it. I'm done with them. Well, most of them. My problem is I want to hang out with a couple of them but not the rest. They're all good friends. Chances are if I say I don't like so and so, they will just say forget about you.

One particular friend is poison. She's just not nice at all. I don't get why I'm the only one who sees it. She's the one to start the gossip.

Anyway I guess my problem is I want to tell that one person where to go, I don't want to see the rest with the exception of 2 people. I really can't see the 2 people wanting to hang out with me if I tell the rest I'm done talking to them....I already know they talk crap about me behind my back. I really wish I knew what made me such a bad person. Please, someone tell me. I may not like to hang out 24/7 but if someone needs me I'll be there.

I honestly felt by 27 people would have grown up, but honestly do they ever? URG. Sorry for the long vent. Sorry for being childish myself. Sometimes I just need to get it out of my system to put it behind me.