How many words can you get out of "CAT"?

[RICHARD]

Actually I mean, How many words can a cat get out of you?

Think of all the cuss words you can, think of putting them in different orders, then use each one 50 times a piece in the space of one half hour.

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First of all I need everyone to take an oath of silence.....


Good!

When the Edster and I go a visitin' to Ed's G-ma's crib (Sorry, I have to do this in "Gansta", I don't want to come off as a wussy!) I get some of her kitchen ware to use as a temp water dish for him.

I end up mopping the floors because the little turd pulls the dish all over kingdom come and spilling water.

I graduated to a giant pyrex bowl. Not as much water spilled but I am still mopping.

I got an old pressure cooker pot and filled it with water-the dang thing is dangerous. I have kicked it twice and sloshed the water out when it has mysteriously moved across the floor of my mom's kitchen. Still, I am not mopping as much as I was.

Until tonight.

Hanging out next door and I refilled the pot, placed it a box of clothes washing soap.....and forgot it. *&$*&%^%^


I went back into the front room to talk with my mom and a few seconds later....BOOM! I slid back into the kitchen and see Ed, clear across the room looking at me. I see the pot on the floor and a puddle of water that is growing from about three feet square to about six by four by the time I get the mop. ^#%$#^%^

The Edster, sensing that a quit trip home is a wise choice, boogies over to the back door while I mop furiously. Mom, in the next room asks, "What happened?" ME? ratting out the cat ain't my thing, so I lie and say "Oh, Nothing!"

I get the back door open, the Edster zooms back toward my house and I get to the door, open it up and provide a little sanctuary for the *%#$#)*&(#&.

I sure am glad the Pope went home today.....I would have burned his ears right off his holy head!

I get the floor mopped up and then saunter off to my house to check on the Edmeister. I turn on the light to the room where he is hiding and ...

He's gone ahead and spilled ALL THE @%$#($% WATER out of his bowl.

I grab my mop and start to mop, Again.....(*#^)*$^&

I turn and see him walk his wet feet across the desk, the keyboard and knocks over the $#)#*($*& computer speaker.


Oh, When I am in a mood where I want to express my displeasure at the Edster, I use that line that Sarah Connor said to the Terminator right before she pushed the button that crushed the poop outta that cyborg in the original movie.

That said....literally, I go about setting my world straight......then I get the "Cat Box Drum Roll", You know...when the cat has cat litter stuck to his paws and bangs his foot on the box to dislodge it! I have to laugh! It serves your *(&#^$^#^ little arse right for spilling water and then jumpin' into the cat box......

Two seconds later he walk over to where I am and does the drum roll again....flinging bits of cat litter from his other rear paw....


At this point I have to &*#^$%^%$#% laugh.

Can you imagine seeing a buffoon like me, mop in hand, cursing, then crying like a baby?


Not on your (*$#^@# life!

[moosmom]

Poor, poor RICHARD. So abused and taken advantage of.

Yo Eddie boy, knock it off, will ya???

May I suggest a white wine glass in the kitchen sink filled to the brim with fresh tap water?? PLASTIC wine glass that is.

Don't laugh, that's what my friends do for their cat. They adopted him from me and have ruined him I tell ya, RUINED him!!!!!

*shakes head, walks away*

[catmandu]

Actually That Makes The Option Of The Cat Drinking Out Of The Toilet Not Such A Bad One Richard, As Theres Not As Much Water That He Can Get Out Of The Round Porcelain Water Bowl.

[critters]

Actually That Makes The Option Of The Cat Drinking Out Of The Toilet Not Such A Bad One Richard, As Theres Not As Much Water That He Can Get Out Of The Round Porcelain Water Bowl.

ROFL!!! That's what my sister does, for real! My monsters can't do that, because a couple would probably drown in it.

GREAT story, though!!

[RICHARD]

Oh you mean the two back feet on the seat, right foot holding the front half up and the left inside the bowl?

Been there!

[momoffuzzyfaces]

I was going to say it depends on which cat you are trying to get words out of. Chester has lots more words in him, which he feels compelled to share at 3 am, than all my others put together.

Eddster be a good boy and that will shock your dad speachless. You don't want to soil your dainty ears with curse words.