Lilith's Story

[kittycats_delight]

Hi everyone.

I know I haven't posted since we lost out baby. It has been hard. I thank you all for the support and caring you have shown us. I especially thank all of you amazing people who continue to check in on us through PM, IM and email. You all know who you are. You all hold a very special place in our hearts for all the caring support and compassion you have shown us. We love you.

I don't know how you will all feel once I tell what happened but here goes. Just know I love my little girl and I did what was best or so I felt. I still question it every single day and wonder if I should have done something different.

You all know the basics of the story. But I will give a short version that covers all. She was and will always be my baby.

My sweet little girl got a rabies shot and microchipped on August 31, 2005. Less than 2 days later she started having problems breathing. The vets could not nail down what was wrong. At first they thought it was a reaction to the shot then they thought possisble heart failure but decided no it was more than likely asthma.

Well after almost 1 week it had not improved and she went in for an x-ray. Her chest cavity was full of fluid. She had a tumor caused from feline leukemia. We didn't know she was ill at all. The shot had caused her immune system to drop allowing the leukemia to take over and start showing symptoms. She was having severe trouble breathing and would gag and start to go into respiratory arrest when handled by the vet.

We could do 3 things. Tap her chest, bring her home or euthenize. If we tapped her chest there was a very high risk (over 90%, almost definate) of respiratory failure and she would die on the table. She would be alone, in pain and scared out of her mind. If we brought her home she would not get any better. It was only the matter of a short time and we would lose her and also she would suffer. If we euthenized we lost our little girl but she would go with us holding her, comforting her and without prolonged suffering.

We choose the latter. I question myself everyday if I did the right thing. I miss her so much. This is still very raw and it is very difficult to deal with. She was just a baby only 18 months old. R.I.P. my angel. Momma loves you more than you can ever imagine.

I'm sooooo sorry Lilith.

Thank you for listening.

(((HUGS)))


Michelle

[doolittleky]

Oh Michelle,
I wish I could give you a big hug! You did what was best for Lilith because you loved her. It is a hard decision to make but you did it unselfishly and only thought of her. You shouldn't try to second guess yourself, although I have done it myself. it is so hard to lose one of your babies. I have lost many and it never gets easier. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. i know how much your heart hurts and mine hurts for you. Please know that I am thinking about you. Take care.
melissa

[slick]

Michelle....I believe you made the right decision and I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. The prognosis was not great so how could you question your decision? Easier said than done, I know, but take comfort in knowing that little Lilith is happy and healthy and will endure no more pain or sickness. Remember the love that you shared for 18 wonderful months.

{{{hugs}}}

[CagneyDog]

You made the right decision. I'm very sorry for your loss

RIP

[PJ's Mom]

Anyone who has to euthanize a pet goes through the feelings of guilt you're having. It's normal, but not easy. You did what you thought was best for your baby girl. Try to take comfort in the fact that she knew a lifetime's worth of love in the short time she was with you.

(((Hugs)))

[lvpets2002]

I am sure you made the right decision & You need to think of Lilith of RIP at Rainbow Bridge your baby is at now.. I would like to state it just broke my heart when reading the dedication you husband wrote for her.. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

[jazzcat]

Michelle,
I can understand what you are going through to some extent because I felt the same way about Disney. The options the doctor gave us were not the best so I chose the one that caused Disney less pain and ended her suffering. I still feel very guilty that I didn't try harder but deep down I know I did the right thing for her. You did the right thing for Lilith.

I've been thinking about you a lot, knowing how badly you are hurting. I don't believe the pain ever goes completely away but it does get easier, slowly.

(((HUGS)))

[manda_moo87]

Oh Michelle, its so good to hear from you. You've been constantly in my thoughts these past few days. I too, would have made the same decision as you. The hardest decision I've ever had to make was getting my baby Perkins PTS last year, so I can say I know how you feel. Stay strong, we're all here for you.

((((HUGS))))

Amanda

[catnapper]

Michelle, I am so sorry tohear that are still beating yourself up over the very difficult decision you and your husband had to make. You made the right choice and she entered the rainbow bridge while being comforted by those she loved most.

(((HUGS))) Michelle. I'm here if you need to talk.

[furrykidsmother]

Michelle, I know how you must have been torn by having to make one of the choices, but with the information you provided there really was no choice. You couldn't take the chance of something happening to her on the table all alone and scared, bringing her home and watching her suffer certainly was not a choice, you did the only thing you could do and you did it because you loved her so much. I know the pain in your hearts is very raw and fresh right now and it is hard to see things through that pain, but I hope one day you will be able to get past second guessing yourself and just remember the love the 3 of you shared in the 18 months you had her. "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all". Lilith is still in your hearts and memories and no one can take that away from you.

(((Hugs)))
Amanda

[k9krazee]

I definately think you did the right thing. She left knowing that you loved her very much and you ended the suffering...I know how hard it must be ((((((((hugs)))))))))

[JenBKR]

What a difficult decision to make. I believe you made the best one. It is impossible to know what would have happened had you opted for surgery, but she would have been scared and alone. You made the most unselfish choice, and showed her how much you both love her. Don't question your decision anymore (I know, easier said than done). I am sure that Lilith knows how much she was loved. (((HUGS)))

[Lobodeb]

Losing a baby is pain enough by itself. It doesn't need to be compounded by feelings of guilt, too. You were given 3 very difficult options all with the same outcome. You took your own wants and desires out of the picture to do what was best for Lilith. How can there be any wrong in that? Yes, it hurts like the dickens that she's gone, but you just have to know you did the right thing.

Hugs to you, your husband and Vixen. Together you all will get through this.

[catlover4ever]

Michelle, you did what you felt was best, you did the most compassionate thing for Lilith. It is human nature to always second guess ones self. I think you did right by your precious girl.

(((hugs)))

[jenluckenbach]

Michelle, not only did you make the right choice, you made the ONLY choice (the only humane choice). And Lilith knows that.

I too have had to choose euthanasia, and I too questioned it for days, even weeks, even though I knew it to be the correct thing to do, I still doubted my decision.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}