Suggestions, please

[purrley]

This is NOT a match made in heaven - will never work out and I just pray she realizes it before her kitties get hurt

[Edwina's Secretary]

Help her rehome the kitties. She has already made her decision. She surely has known of his antipathy toward cats throughout the courtship and hoped -- as we so often do that "he would change." He hasn't and now it it time to do what is right for the cats -- find them a safe, secure, loving home -- where there won't "be trouble" when accidents happen.

[Karen]

I definately think they should work out a compromise. We know many people who "hated" animals until they were exposed to them more. If the dog and cats get along, shouldn't the people be able to?

I think the perfect solution has been put forth. When they first move in, keep his throw rugs rolled up for a while, until all the animals have adjusted to the new place.

And IF the kitties are piddling where they shouldn't still, well, don't chose that as a spot to put the rugs, when they are indeed put down. Also, once he sees that she does a good, efficient job of cleaning up her own rugs when a kitty makes a mistake, he won't be so stressed out.

I've heard a lot of worst-case scenarios. How about a "best-case" scenario? They move to this apartment, rugs are kept rolled up for a month. During this month, the cats begin to charm him. His dog and the cats get along, even begin to play a little. This charms him more.

He realizes that cats "are people,too." He loves the girlfriend, begins to love the cats. The cats, having adjusted to their new home, really aren't peeing on the carpet much any more.

He still likes his rugss, though she doesn't particularly. They agree to put a couple down in areas the cats don't tend to frequent. Cats explore, ignore. Life goes on happily for all.

[wolflady]

I still have to agree with everyone that the boyfriend has to go, especially after reading more about him But, I also do know that people like her feel like they are in love (either that or they feel that this is the best they can do for a mate...low self esteem possibly? A good girl friend of mine is in the same situation...I know she could do better, but she has just settled) and have to make sacrafices. However, in light of new information about Michael having a dog and such...this just says to me loud and clear that he will be the taker in this relationship. It's awsome that the cats get along with the dog! There's a huge hurdle right there that most people would have to deal with. The adjustment period of the cats getting used to the dog and vice versa. The key to any relationship is communication, and the fact that it's a two way street. Why should she have to give up her cats if he "hates" them. What if she hated dogs?? I also agree with the whole rug front...leave them curled up and put away until everyone has adjusted. A compromise like Karen suggested would be ideal, and it's always best to hope for the best possible situation of him being converted into a cat lover. If it doesn't look that promising, however...looking into rescue groups on behalf of the kittie's well being might be an option...
Let us know what happens! **hugs**

[yorkster]

This guy does not sound like someone who will compromise

A compromise is "hey honey, I'm not big on cats, but I know they are important to you, so let's give it a try and see how things work out. If there continues to be a problem, we will cross that bridge when and IF we get to it. Oh, and by-the-way, how do you feel about MY DOG?"

[AvaJoy]

It seems to me that a man who swears he hates cats will often times do a complete 360 once a cat touches his life . . . lets hope this applies to Michael.

[thelmalu99]

Thanks everybody, for you input. I have given Lori all of these suggestions (including the get rid of Michael one, LOL!). She likes the idea of rolling up the rugs and keeping them off the floors for a while. Let's hope it works.

Karen, I love your "best case scenario". I really hope that it turns out that way. My father has never liked cats, but when I got my first cat, Sydney, he slowly warmed up to him. Although dad has never been, and never will be one to cuddle with animals, he would play with Sydney, change the water in his bowl, etc. When Sydney went to the RB, dad cried. He likes Elvis and Danny, and when he comes over, he's always laughing at the silly things they do. I have even left them in my dad's care when I went away for the weekend. Let's hope that Molly and Molly can find a place in Michael's heart.

When I was talking to Lori yesterday, I suggested to her that she ask Michael how he would feel if she refused to accept his dog. She said that she already asked him, and his answer was, "If you didn't accept my dog, we could never be together." For the life of me, I can't understand how people like him refuse to put the shoe on the other foot. Seems to me like this is the way he will be about everything in their lives.

Another thing, Lori was telling me that today is Michael's dog's birthday. She's an old dog and she has arthritis, so Lori went out and had a beautiful fleece sweater made for her as a birthday present. That's the kind of person she is. It just kills me that she seems to be the one making all of the effort and he's just being a jerk. She could do so much better! I have to admit that I haven't always made the best decisions, either, but I guess when you're on the outside looking in, you can see things a bit more clearly.

In any case, I will follow this story closely and, if she does decide to rehome the kitties, I will offer all the help I can. I am prepared to contact the shelter that I got Elvis and Danny from, because at least I know that their screening process is very strict, and they are very honest with potential adopters about the cat's situation. Even after I already had Elvis and Danny home, I have contacted them with questions, and they have been very helpful and attentive.

Thanks everyone, again for bearing with me and reading my very long posts, and for offering your insight. As always, I really do appreciate your help.

Love you all, and have a great weekend!

[thelmalu99]

Hi everyone! Here I am with this topic again!

My co-worker that I mentioned in this post has been using the Feliway to try and keep her cats from peeing on her rug, and she LOVES it. She said that she has had the rug down for two days, and they have not peed on it!

I have a question for anyone who has used Feliway before...how often does she have to spray it? The directions on the website are sort of unclear, so I was wondering how often you sprayed it.

Thanks again for any input you are able to provide.

[purrley]

Thelma - this is interesting - I've never heard of Feliaway - we have a product called NO that is a pet repellant. I'd like to know more about this stuff.

[Mocha]

Oh dear I was so upset when i read this thread... perhaps it's not so much the cats but other unresolved issues that they have? (Sorry.. it's the therapist in me talking) I believe that apart from rolling up the rugs and seeing a vet etc. a couple has to accept each other (and that includes pets!) completely before living together. My hunch is that there are other issues that perhaps need to be sorted out. When he loves her for who she is and does not try to impose his standards on her (yes, I'm just guessing here - sorry) the cats really shouldn't be an issue. In fact, if i knew that my boyfriend had the same problem, i would try to help him take care of the kitties!! Good luck to your friend, and please keep us posted about the kitties, ok?

[thelmalu99]

Purrley, check out their website:

www.feliway.com

I heard about it here on Pet Talk, but I can't remember who posted about it. We were just wondering how often it needs to be sprayed. The instructions on the website aren't really clear. First, it says to apply daily, then it says maintenance spraying every three days. (??)

Anyway, she says that the stuff is really good.

[purrley]

Thanks Thelma - pretty pricey stuff isn't it.

[thelmalu99]

Purrley,
Yeah, it really is pricey! I was surprised myself!
The thing is that you use only one spray on the surface of the problem area. It's not like you have to soak the area with the product. It's still very expensive, but I guess it depends on how long the bottle will last you. If you have to buy one bottle per month, it's kind of expensive, but if a bottle lasts let's say three months, it's not so bad. I will ask Lori how long this first bottle lasts her and I will let you know. Are you having a problem with your kitties peeing where they shouldn't? Lori has been using it for a few days, and she says that so far so good. No peeing on the rug. We still have to know how often she has to spray, though. Maybe I'll start a new thread, specifically asking about the Feliway. In any case, if I find anything out, I will let you know.

Have a great weekend,
Thelma

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

I am sorry for the kitties!!! Maybe this boyfriend of your friends has never lived with a cat before. Anyone I have ever known who never knew a cat FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM as soon as they lived with one. Like my husband ( he got me a kitten for christmas ) and he tells me just about every day how much fun a cat can be! If her boyfriend really cares for her he will suck it up, roll up his rugs and give the kitties a shot. At least try all the options. Cat Fancy magazine suggest some products that deture precious kitties from peing in places they shouldn't. Maybe in that time he will come to his sences and realize that It is hard to get angry at a cute little kitties mistake =^..^= !!

[thelmalu99]

Thanks, Sara! I'm hoping that Mr. Boyfriend will realize that kitties are wonderful to have in your life! Even my dad, who always said that he was a cat-hater, realized that cats are terrific thanks to my first cat, Sydney. He really charmed the socks off of my dad, and I'm hoping that this is what willl happen in this case. The kitties just need a chance!!
I also hope that this guy will realize that, if he loves his girlfriend, he needs to give her babies a chance and accept that they are a part of the package. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I truly believe that people can accept something that they have never known and learn to love it. Hey, this is life...we live and we learn, right?
Thanks for suggesting Cat Fancy magazine! I will pick up a copy and see if there are any suggestions that can be helpful.
In the meantime, please give your sweet little Tinky a kiss and a snuggle from me!