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Thread: Dog Resolutions for 2001... by (Dog's Name)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
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    Eastern Ohio
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    Dog Resolutions for 2001... by (Dog's Name)

    In the interest of improved peace, tranquility, and harmony at Dear Ol' Dad's Ranch; I, Cinder, the lil' German Shepherd, will attempt to...

    1) Close mouth and swallow before leaving the water bowl. (Dad hates getting his socks wet in the kitchen.)

    2) While car riding, avoid climbing over Dad's shoulder to lean out the window and bark a greeting at every dog we pass.

    3) Stop bringing my hard rubber ball onto Dad's bed and parking it behind the small of his back. He says nasty words when he rolls over onto it.

    4) Resist sucking up half a bowl of water at bedtime and then requiring an "emergency out" at 2 AM to go pee.

    5) More quickly relinquish the driver seat in the car when Dad returns and it's pouring rain outside. I'll only turn two circles and stretch once before hopping into the back seat.

    6) Practice my "down in front" to reduce the time spent standing transfixed in front of the TV whenever the good part is on.

    7) Not dash across the yard, hackles up, barking like a possessed demon, whenever the nice retired guy is walking down the road in front of our house.

    8) Stop butt-sniffing the Kat when he's sound asleep in bed beside Dad; he makes such a fuss clawing and climbing over Dad to escape.

    9) Not sneak into the bathroom while the Hoomin is showering and lay against the door, closing it and blocking the Kat from his box beside the porcalin fountain. Seems the running shower develops a need for Kat to pee, and with the door closed, he tinkles on the hall rug. Dad hates steppin' in warm pee.

    10) Resist running up to the Park Ranger when Dad lets me run loose, dragging my leash, in the park. Rangers get really cranked when I jump up and plant two wet paws on their green unyforms. I also need to find out what "Your dog must be under control" means.

    11) Listen more better. I have a hearing problem when we're in the park practicing my off-lead heeling and I see a sqwirrel. Them nutrats sure can run fast and go a long way 'fore they have to climb up a tree. A lil' kid like me could get losted inna' woods. Dad's always cranky when I come back without the nutrat, so we do a bunch of close order drills with a real short leash for a while.

    12) Promise to not chew any more of the cloth skirts at the bottom of the living room furniture, if I can stay upstairs when Dad goes away. Really tore up the chair and the couch just after I got 'dopted and moved in. After I got hollered at for that, then I started to "submissive pee" whenever Dad came back from errands. Now I have to stay in the basement, tied to my timeout wall, where I can't chew on nuthin'. I finally quit goin' pee whenever he comes back, so now I'm ready to try the upstairs again!

    Well, there's my twelve most worstest faults. After I fix these, there's nuttin' more the ol' Twolegger could want (I hope). Gosh; wish I'd thought of a couple easy ones to get started with...

    Happy New Year, Dad; and same to all you other Twoleggers and fellow FurKids!

    /s/ Cinder

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
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    I will try to remember that nut rats go up trees! My mum has told me and told me and told me an showed me and showed me.....what was I talking about?
    Oh..right...nut rats and thin air...no, um...where was it they go again?
    Isn't life weird, I mean, how can they just disappear like that?
    If anyone figures out where they go, can you tell me please? I've spent hours looking for...um...what was it again?

    Paddy xxxx

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Greenville, SC
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    866
    Honey says, "I let my mom do the typing. I'm really tired after a long day".

    "My New Year's resolution is to become a better behaved dog. It means I'm going to have to get in the car a lot and go out to the nice lady's office to work a lot. But, at least all of those other dogs I put up with in my previous training won't be there. Just me and my mom, and Barbara. My mom says she wants me to be a better citizen, whatever that means. I really don't mean to bother people, but I love to bark at birds and squirrels, and especially cars parked in people's driveways. I am also scared of a lot of stuff. Hopefully I will make my mom very happy if I learn to do better."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
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    U.S.A.
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    Rocky's new Year Resolutions,
    "I promise not to pee on the fake
    tree at my friends house again, not to
    dig or bite Sheba's legs"

    Pepper
    "I promise not to bug Sheba and
    not to eat so much."

    Sheba
    "I promise not to make any more New Year's
    resolutions that I can not keep."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
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    Salisbury Plain, UK
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    Yeah, ok....while SHE'S not looking...Honey, where do the birds go? I know a lot...don't think I'm a bit dumb or anything....but they are there, hooting, squawking and obviously in my power, I mean they are mine!!, and then..... what happens? My nose is glued to the ground, I can't miss where they go - and STILL they get away!! It cracks HER up, SHE laughs and laughs. I've had enough of it.....I like it when SHE laughs though...makes me feel all silly...anyway, those..um..er..a........did you get any good presents? I did, don't know what I did with them ...um..?
    SHE says when you don't know what everyone is talking about say, "Yes, thanks, goodbye". So that ....really..I think.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
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    Eastern Ohio
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    Up, Paddy, they run right up the side of the tree. The ones that live in the park are used to dealing with us dogs, so most of 'em won't bother going way up - they just go far enough up to be sure I can't get 'em, then they turn around and chatter right in my face. And one time one of 'em threw (well, OK, he dropped it) a acorn an' hitted me on top my head. My Dad laughed so hard I thought he was gonna' pass out.

    Dad says if I ever catch one, I'd better do one thing quick - let go real fast! He says a sqwirrel wrapped around a dog's face wouldn't be very pretty. Somethin' about spending a week in Doctor Mike's Hopsbital gettin' stiched up.

    And hey, don't you Britts have to make resolutions to keep the Twoleggers happy? What are yours, Paddy?

    /s/ Cinder, nutrat chaser, extraordinare

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Westminster, MA, USA
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    2,263
    I hafta stop chasing the cats. That's what Mommy says. Not for their sake, it's not like I ever get the guts to go near them (but shhh don't tell anyone that, I fool 'em all! I run outside barking and growling but when I get within 10 feet I pull a U-turn and run the other way... shhh though!!!). Anyway the reason I gotta stop chasin' 'em is that they scratch my nose! Mean cats!!! I got scratched two times! Once just 'cuz I was sniffing at some new baby cats- just sniffin' mind you - and the mommy cat scratched me. The second time I wasn't even doing NOTHIN' when right out of the blue it came at me. They always go for my nose too! It doesn't do much damage... I do cry a little... and then Mommy fusses over me and cries so I pretend it's even worse. Which reminds me, I gotta stop takin' advantage of my Mommy. Like remember the can thing on my mouth? It didn't bother me much but it bothered Mommy so I started acting like it bothered me too. And whenever I have problems, Mommy buys me stuff and takes me to Petco! Well, other thatn that I have no flaws. I am perfect, Mommy tells me so. Happy New Year everyone!

    Love,
    Daisy

    [This message has been edited by Daisy's Mom (edited December 30, 2000).]

  8. #8
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    Oct 2000
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    Eastern Ohio
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    Ooops! Paddy, I thought we were talkin' about nutrats (or is it nut rats)?

    Birds go up, too, but I don't do birds 'cept for the ducks and geese that visit our pond.
    The birds are hard to play with, too. They always go sit in the middle of the pond and ya have to get all wet to go after 'em. And if ya get too close, they just flap around and sorta' zoom off inta the sky. It's kinda like magic.

    /s/ Cinder

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2000
    Location
    Geneva, IL USA
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    Hi, it's me Hannah!

    Since I am nearly as perfect as a dog can be, I hate to make any changes, but you all got me to thinking.

    1. I resolve not to get caught while lapping out of Mom's glass of wine which she sets on the table next to her chair. I will listen more carefully for her footsteps coming back from the kitchen.

    2. When I feel the need to chew up some of Mom's underwear, I will hide the evidence instead of leaving it in the middle of the living room where she will discover it.

    3. I will limit my routine of barking at the door to get in and then leaving the deck when they come to let me in, to maybe four or five times max.

    4. I will only give Tucker "the lip" when I am in a bad mood or he really annoys me or I want what he's got or he's getting too much attention.

    5. I will only bark at cats, squirrels, chippies, people who walk by our house, or other dogs.

    6. I will not be annoyed at Mom when she stays in her office past 4:00 pm unless it is for more than 3 minutes.

    7. I will not tear to bits and pieces more than one of my stuffed toys per week.

    8. I will not even pretend to know what the word "come" means, so as not to give them any false hope.

    9. I will not demand more than one massage per day.

    10. I will try to remember to give Mom gentle kisses more often because I know how besotted she is over my affection.

    Like I said, I am about as perfect as a dog can be, so this has really been work thinking up ways to improve. So, girlfriends, how long do we have to keep up these resolution things anyway?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Greenville, SC
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    866
    Hannah,
    You and I would get along great. I just can't understand why our moms get so upset about the simplest of things. What's with them anyway?
    I'm just getting ready to go to sleep right now, and my mom says I'm the best when I'm sleeping.
    My baby sister is already asleep. I think she has it a lot easier than I do. Mom spoils her a lot. It's always "poor Lilly this and poor Lilly that". Pooh on her! I was here first and even if I am a special needs child, I'm the oldest and the greatest ever! Lilly doesn't get to go to that nice lady, Barbara, and get special treatment like I do.
    Love, Honey


  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
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    Never has the Last word.
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    I, Shaianne, dutifully swear to TRY to not run away when I get the smallest chance. Mom says sumthin' about needin' to know that I got it good. Don't know what that means.

    I also will limit my hole diggin' to just mom's house and not granpa and granma's, cuz they get real mad. And mom doesn't like it.

    When I am around Scooby's boy Jake, I will TRY not to follow him from door to door, even tho I know he is going to let me out eventually.

    And when mom comes home a little tipsy somtimes, not to pull on the leash so hard.

    And last but not least, on holidays, when Aunt Amy brings cousin Scooby to granpa's, I will try to make sure granma doesn't hang from the ceiling for too long. I think she likes me best, but me and Scooby together and mom says that granma needs "Valium". I hope that is not too serious!!! On Christmas eve, mom told granpa to slip her some Tylenol PM. Don't know what that means either!!

    If anyone can help/or explain any of these concepts to me - Feel Free!!
    Happy New Year to all the pets and their humans!!!
    Shaianne

    [This message has been edited by shais_mom (edited December 31, 2000).]

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Biloxi, Ms USA
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    364
    Hi, I'm Jeffrey and I make the following resolutions:

    I first will not get into the trash (Ha, Ha, snicker,snicker)
    I will not to eat all of Bandit's food LOL LOL LOL

    I will not jump on Mommy's new coffee table anymore LOL LOL LOL LOL (Why the heck would she buy a soft wood table KNOWing I love to jump on tables? Of course it's gonna get scratched!) LOL LOL LOL

    I will stop sitting on that brat Bandits head as he squirms under me. Hey, I only weigh 37lbs, I'm not that heavy! Hee Hee HEE

    I will do good in that obedience school and not embarrass Mom (yeah, right) LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL, whoooo, that's a good one! LOL LOL LOL LOL

    I will not..... LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.....wait....gotta catch my breath....LOL LOL LOL LOL.....OK, let me start again...LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL....I will LOL LOL not chew on Mom's...LOL LOL...big ole rocking chair...LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL...I think I'm going to pee! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL....and I won't...LOL LOL LOL..rip the screen door, and dig up the potted flowers, and eat those stuffed animals and chew her shoes and...and...LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL, I gotta stop..LOL LOL LOL...This is toooo funny!

    Ahem, Hello. This is Bandit. Now that the wild, untamed creature called Jeffrey has finished I shall make my New Year's resolution. I will not change because I...am perfect




    [This message has been edited by Genia (edited December 31, 2000).]

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Wichita Falls, TX U.S.A.
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    4,455
    Ok, I go first cause I wanna. This is Graham. Both my teeny sister and me have a new years resolution to make mommy happy.

    i will try not to catch any more sqirrelzz (nutrats) cause mommy just does not like it. She calles me a murdoor and she marches me rite back home. I don't know why she gets so mad that i catch them, she must not know that the squirrelzz are trying to take over the earth and i am trying my best to keep their numbers down. i will try to just chase them, not catch them. i have to let my sister go now, she's getting all wiggly and giggly and impatient.

    Cassie here! i will try not to hate the sno too much. mommi hatez when i need to be karried because i put my brakes on during the walk. she saiz i am too heavy to be lugging around, which i find VERY rude indeed! i know therez alota sno this cold season, and i DO hate the sno but for mommi i will try to put my brakes on less so she does not alwayz have to karry my royal body around.

    Happy New Year everyone!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
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    Salisbury Plain, UK
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    Birds and nutrats go UP? Where is that? Are dogs allowed there?
    What about bunnies? I have gotten a bit fed up with being laughed at lately and now I pretend I don't see them. (This takes some skill as an actor when they jump up two feet in front of my nose.)

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