wow. thanks for the advice and interest. i dont really know where to start with mae's and my history. it doesnt really matter, because at the end of the day, i do not have her respect as pack leader. she has established somewhere along the way, that shes the pack leader but she is so confusing. i have read books, taken classes, the works. but i think she senses my insecurity about the situation (discipline) and just feels free to take over and do whatever she likes. my initial response to the incident yesterday was that i just cant work with her and that she and i both in our current state, are a danger to others.

for the record, right before the incident occurred, she had been playing quite vigoroulsy with a nine-month old dog and i felt the need to pull her out of it. she wasnt behaving in a way i felt comfortable with, so i wanted to give her a time out but that just seemed to exacerbate the situation. so i leashed her and removed her from the other dogs, went to the opposite side of the park where she found a ball and began to play with it. we were alone at that point. when she retrieved and returned with it, was the first time i noticed the golden doodle. so i was on my way to doing something about it when all hell broke loose.i was afraid to move at all because i had my head between the two snarling dogs. i just didnt know what to do. i wasnt afraid of the goldendoodle, even though it lunged for the ball, i was afraid of mae and whether or not i could catch her in time. and it does happen in seconds. i did take steps to avoid the situation. we dont bring toys to the park. its just asking for trouble.
if i see this particular dog on my way to the park, i usually just can the park altogether and go to the reservoir. because its just better for everyone if we arent there. i dont want to be one of those dog owners who expects everyone else to accommodate them and their problem child. i dont like being anxious when im out with my dogs and i dont want anyone else to feel that way either. but youre right, all of you, she doesnt respond to my commands. i think my approach in training her,(which i have now discovered isnt any kind of approach at all), was that she would learn all she needed to from rat, my older dog and all of the other dogs she met. wrong, wrong, wrong. i have never been around a dog like mae. shes aggressive with females but not males. she is terrified of children from toddlers to teenagers. she runs at the sight of them. she behaves with everyone else but me. whenever she has been pet sat or walked or whatever, the walkers rave about how good she is. she treats human males and females differently as well. what is that about? are there any texts i could read, just to better understand her and her personality type? she has a definite personality. i have read that her breed is loyal and eager to please, and i have seen little evidence of both. everyone keeps telling me shes a working dog and that shes going to be trouble regardless of what i do. i dont believe that entirely though. the only trainer i worked with was great but i saw one of his assistants punch an alsatian in the face and that was the last time they ever saw us. i quit the class then and there. i just didnt have the balls to say something to the owner of the business. so maes training was interrupted because i didnt like some things that i saw at school. but i never got any report cards on her either. not for the entire 8 weeks she was there. and all i observed when i would pick her up was her cowering behind the owners desk every night. it got to the point that when i would be getting her into the car to go to school, she would try to run away. she hated that place. i didnt know what to make of her reaction. i brought it up to the assistant and he said she didnt like school because she had to work. frankly, after comments like that, i decided he was a crackpot.maybe i was quick to judge. any thoughts?

after reading your definitions of alpha and aggression, i dont think shes alpha, shes too insecure.
i just didnt train her thoroughly enough. i let her sleep in the bed when she was young, although she doesnt really do it now. i let her push rat around, i honestly thought they would work it out, in their own canine way. i dont know what i was thinking. i would interfere and correct only if there was a threat to either of their safety.

so now, i wonder, is it too late for me to really instill a consistent programme into our lives? if im really adamant and stick with it, will it work out?because i dont want to give her up because of what ive done or havent done. i dont want to use any devices on her or meds or anything like that. it was hard enough just to start using a pinch collar on her. but it has definitely helped. when shes leashed, which needs to be more often now.

i really appreciate people taking the time to listen and advise. and no you didnt scare me, i just wanted to think and read all of your responses before responding myself. i guess if i am aligned with any type of pet owner mentality its the one that jennifer 9 expressed. they are wolves among us. i really try to avoid anthropomorphising my two dogs. i know better. but i feel as though i really let things go too far with mae and now she just rides roughshod over us all. is there any hope for us?