Just had a bad argument with my parents because of Lily :(

[Kirsten]

As you know, my situation is stressful enough these days anyway, but now at the top of it, I had a very bad argument with my parents tonight.

Told you before that several times in the past, I got very upset with my step father since he's teasing Lily when he's here, he always gets her startled so that she's afraid of him already. For this reason, I haven't invited them for a long time; since obviously he just cannot respect my wish to leave her alone. We always disagree about the way animals should be treated, and he just cannot understand why I want my cats to live in a peaceful environment, and that I just don't want them to fear anything in their own home.

Anyway, tonight, they showed up here, and we all were in the kitchen (a friend of mine was also there). Lily joined us and opened the sliding door of the kitchen cabinet to "steal" some cat food, as she often does. As usual, she went into the cabinet to eat, with her butt sticking out of the door. And Reinhold, my mother's fiancé, had nothing better to do that tearing on her tail!

Well, and this time, it was really enough for me. I totally lost control, yelled at him and told him to leave my apartment. I know it's bad, 'cause actually he's not such a bad guy, but I don't want him to be around my cats anymore. And I was so hurt that my wish wasn't respected, and that poor Lily has been treated that way while she was happily eating in the cabinet. I swear, all I wanted to do that moment was to protect her. And I had a very stressful day at work today, and a lot of trouble, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

He left, without saying a word, which shows that he was really hurt, and my mother followed him and told me she would never enter my apartment anymore, and that I better do not call her again. Looks like the relationship to my parents is totally ruined now. Actually neither my mother nor I are the unforgiving type, but I feel this time it's something serious. After all, I kicked my parents out of my apartment! I feel so bad. On the other hand, I just can't understand why it's so hard to leave my cats alone!

I mean, Lily is such a relaxed and happy cat, very friendly to visitors and full of self-confidence, and I don't want this to be ruined by my step dad. But the bad thing is that even my mother will never get the point!

I'm sorry for venting, and I know I sound confused, but I really had a long and exhausting day, and I'm tired and sad, and this incident makes it even worse!

Kirsten

[Samantha Puppy]

There's nothing wrong with you wanting your cats to be respected in their own home. And if this is a recurring problem, you have every right to be upset. Give it a couple days for everyone to calm down, call your mom and explain to her why you feel the way you do. Maybe Reinhold will FINALLY get it through his head that while he is welcome to come into your home, he is not welcome to tease and torture your kitties.

I don't think that is out-of-line for you to ask.

[ramanth]

I'm so sorry Kirsten.

He may be a nice guy at times, but if he can't respect your wishes, he's a jerk.

*HUGS*

You were in the right, they were wrong.

[catmandu]

First,of all.Kirsten,you are right! There is absolutely,and I mean,absolutely,no reason,in the world,to bully a small animal.You are Lilys Guardian,and your job,to protct her.This fellow,really has something fundamentally wrong,with him,if he thinks,that it is funny,to scare,or potentially hurt,a Creature Of God.I am sorry,that you,and your Mother,are no longer on speaking terms,I hope that that rift heals.I just wish,that my Dear Mother,was there,she would have given Reinhold,a boot,in the pants,if he ever touched,one of our Cats!

[gini]

Kirsten, I would never allow anyone that was in my home to abuse my cats. I would react the very same way if it was a child.

Yes, you are going to do a guilt trip on yourself now.........but you shouldn't.

Your stepfather has been unkind to Lily before and you made it clear then that it was not acceptable.

It still is unacceptable. Maybe now, that you have totally lost it with him, your point may have gotten across.

As for your Mom - well, you are her daughter...........and I think in time she will come around. Perhaps you have her visit you alone without your stepfather.

They need to respect your living space and your wishes.

I would have done the same thing that you did.......enough is enough!

[ladywizz]

I think that you were actually quite calm about the whole thing! If it were me I would have gone into PMT mode.....
The cheek of it!!
What you asked him to do should have been respected the first time you asked him to...not at the point where you loose control and have to kick him out of the house!
Well Done You!!!

[jazzzytina]

Kirsten,I'm in total agreement with everyone here. Your apartment is YOUR domain, and just as your parents want you to respect their wishes and rules when you visit their house, they should show the same courtesy to you, and especially to innocent animals who are just eating.

We all support you here at Pet Talk. Don't beat up on yourself. Things will cool off between you and your mom, but that kind of behaviour from your stepfather is unacceptable.

Hugs - Tina

[jazzcat]

(((HUGS)))

Hopefully your mother will understand but you were within your rights. Sorry he will not respect your wishes.

[slick]

Kirsten:
While totally agree that you did the right thing, I hate to think that your relationship with your Mom and Stepfather is over.

There simply was no excuse for what he did and like the others have said, maybe this will finally get the point across to him. Give it a few days for everyone to cool off, then maybe you might consider talking to them again on the phone and explaining to them how it makes you feel when your wishes are not respected. After all, family is family....but don't feel guilty about what you did.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes.

[Freckles]

Rather than calling, I would suggest sending them a letter in a few days.
That way, you can explain ALL the reasons why you reacted the way you did.
I fear a telephone call would put them on the defensive immediately, while a letter might give them a chance to think. Then call them (assuming they haven't called you in the meantime.)

[Samantha Puppy]

Originally posted by Freckles
Rather than calling, I would suggest sending them a letter in a few days.
That way, you can explain ALL the reasons why you reacted the way you did.
I fear a telephone call would put them on the defensive immediately, while a letter might give them a chance to think. Then call them (assuming they haven't called you in the meantime.)

Good call. I should've thought about that - e-mail is my preferred way of fighting! (I can edit it as much as I want, to sound as benign or as nasty as I want! I don't have to think on my toes like I would on the telephone or in person. LOL) A letter is a good idea.

[Shady]

That's horrible, that certainly wouldnt fly at my house.

Having said that it is YOUR house, your house, your rules.

It's unfortunate it couldnt be done in such a way that everyone was calm, but I probably would have lost it myself, I dont know many people that wouldnt.

There is absolutely no need for cruelty to any living thing in my book, and this was intentional, as it seems you've had words about that in the past.

IMO he acted badly and your mom only went along with perhaps because she has to live with him. I hope they dont have any animals or if they do he doesnt treat them the same way.

Hopefully when things calm down you can straighten it out once and for all, which as suggested previously a letter, to begin with (if you even want to) then follow up however appropriate after that.

It amazes me that some people never learn respect, and in your home you deserve respect as do your pets.

[catmandu]

The Found Cats,are with you,and we know,that our Dad,would protect us.He doesnt allow any one,to smoke,while they are in his home,he loves us that much.

[chocolatepuppy]

I have to agree with your decision to put the guy out! No one, absolutely no one will mistreat my furkids or they will be out, I don't care who it is!
I hope you can work things out with your mother when things calm down.

[NoahsMommy]

Kirsten,

I would have been outraged!! You did the right thing, for you, Luna and Lily. I cannot believe they would persist over something you obviously feel very strongly about.

Hon, this seems to go further than just what happened last night. Your parents don't seem to respect you and your choices and I think that's the issue you should address if you choose to address this.

Those actions/comments are not right and I highly doubt they would have done the same in another person's home.

A letter is a really good idea. You'll have time to collect your thoughts and they will be organized. You can be non-emotional and get to the point.

Whatever happens from this, we're here for you and support you.

Lots of hugs,
Kelly