Whenever I have a bit of time left over, I always seem to end up collecting all sorts of silliness and trivia. Here's todays harvest:
Virtual arrest
A NOTORIOUSLY violent computer game does have some redeeming social use after all, as a grandmother in Santa Fe, Texas, and her three grandsons have learned. The boys were playing Grand Theft Auto when a four-man gang of robbers broke into the house and pointed a gun at one of the boys.
The game continued running untended on the PlayStation as the intruders went about their business, until a warning ripped through the air: "Stop! We have you surrounded. This is the police." The gang panicked and ran.
Unknown to them, the game was programmed to play such messages at random though its speakers. And although the police that the burglars thought had surrounded them were merely figments of the game's digital imagination, the real police soon picked up the gang and hauled them away.
Poor little mitt
Gail Davies feels sorry for the dusting mitt she bought recently. "The OatesClean (TM) Enviro Dusting Mitt is so effective, it picks up more common allergies than alternative cleaning methods," the packaging told her. Poor little mitt.
Wacky warning labels
THIS column periodically publishes absurd product warnings spotted by our ever-vigilant readers. So we have a certain sense of fellow feeling with a group called the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, which runs an annual competition for the "wackiest consumer warning label of the year".
This year's $500 first prize, announced earlier this month, went to Ed Gyetvai of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted a label on a toilet brush reading "Do not use for personal hygiene". A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson of Naperville, Illinois, for a label on a child's scooter that said, "This product moves when used."
Previous winners include a label on a baby's buggy advising "Remove child before folding", a brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end that warns "Harmful if swallowed", a warning on a carpenter's electric drill stating "This product not intended for use as a dental drill", a 30-centimetre CD rack that orders "Do not use as a ladder", and a warning on a pair of cyclist's shin guards saying "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover".
Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch has the serious aim of exposing the burgeoning litigation culture. "Frivolous lawsuits, and concern about frivolous lawsuits," its website states, "have led to a new cultural phenomenon: the wacky warning label."
Moving south
ACCORDING to London-based tabloid The Sun, the quake that caused last month's Indian Ocean tsunami had other effects too. "The quake has also changed the angle of the Earth's axis. Among the changes is the North Pole moving south by an inch," it proclaimed on 11 January. Josh Phillips, who spotted this, wants to know if there is another direction it could have moved.
1.WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after
nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26
million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his
home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man
was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and
give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, Kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for
all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until
police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife
is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her
first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King
was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a
weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating,
were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get
their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone
there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the
out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and
pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
(NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.)
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
… and this is quite funny:
http://www.thescreamonline.com/carto...3-3/index.html
Oh well, I suppose I'd better find something more sensible to do now!
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