Instructions on how to bathe a cat ;)

[lizzielou742]

From a not-safe-for-everyone link that I'd rather not post here. PM me if you want the link.

Instructions

Instructions on cat grooming product, simplified for your convenience:

1. wet cat thoroughly
2. apply product and comb through cat’s wet coat.
3. keep cat from grooming for 10 minutes.
4. rinse product thoroughly off of cat.
5. dry cat to make sure product is completely off cat.

Actual sequence of events:

0. cat senses you’re up to no good, hides under table.
0.2 cat runs under couch.
0.4 cat resists being picked up.
0.6 cat realizes it is being brought towards the sink.
0.8 mortal komcat!
1. wet cat thoroughly
1.2 put cat back in water and get another 1% of cat wet before cat gets out again.
1.4 amazingly, cat has managed to writhe into a position where she’s holding herself away from the faucet with all four legs, her head, and her tail.
1.6 reassure kitty that everything’s okay, yank head back to avoid claw in eye.
1.8 wet cat the rest of the way.
2. apply product and comb through cat’s wet coat.
2.2 apply product with one hand while holding cat with the other
2.4 cat lunges for freedom, hides in bedroom.
2.6 find cat in box, continue grooming.
2.8 box falls to shreds, cat’s coat is fully combed through.
3. keep soaking wet cat from grooming for 10 minutes
(no, really. these people are insane.)
4. rinse product thoroughly off cat.
4.2 carry festival of whirling sharp claws back to bathroom.
4.4 put cat near stream of water.
4.6 every movable object in the bathroom falls to the floor as cat struggles in matrixesque bullet-time and attempts to propel herself through ceiling.
4.8 cat gets washed.
5. dry cat thoroughly.
5.2 chase cat around apartment with towel.
5.4 wrap cat in towel, fluff dry.
5.6 cat gets out of towel.
5.8 see 5.4
6. cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.2 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.4 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.6 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.8 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.

[mina'smomma]

LOL they must be. Mina jets out of the room when I do the dishes. The only way I'd be able to accomplish their instructions is if I'm naked in the shower, and even attempting that at that time isn't going to happen.

[smokey the elder]

Howintheheck do people who show cats do it??

[dukedogsmom]

This thread made me think of THIS thread:
http://www.petoftheday.com/talk/show...ht=bathe+a+cat
The pics are priceless.

[catnapper]

Hmmm... this will come in handy (VERY good timeing actually) since hubby announced last night that Allen needs a "butt bath" Oh Debbbiiiieeeeee... care to do the honors?

[Toby's my baby]

Lol, very true!

Surprisingly C.P. loves baths. In the morning when I go in the bathroom to brush my teeth, etc. she yells at me if I dont turn on the water , but I guess a cat would get a little weird like that from living with me,

[leslie]

What a terrific bedtime story for my babes! Maybe I'll get the whole bed to myself tonight! Wheeeeee! Thanks!!

[catcrazylady]

LOL!!! I don't think I followed instructions very well because when we tried this with Magoo the other night we gave up at 1.2!

[chrangharris]

To funny! I can always count on you guys to give me my laugh for the day! I've had to stop nursing Misha while being on here- I laugh to much and she spends to the time laughing at me instead of nursing!

[catmandu]

I onlyhad,to bathe,the Late Mr Fluffy,as he,like Scarppy Magoo,had Poo Problems! The first time,I caught him,off guard,from then on,it was a lot harder.

[hdeneise]

I seem to remember another set of instructions.....

1. Add cat shampoo to toilet tank.
2. Wait until the cat is sleeping and then (this is VERY important) IN ONE SEAMLESS MOVEMENT scoop up the target cat, place it in the toilet, QUICKLY close the lid and sit down.
3. Flush once for shampoo
4. Flush twice for rinse
5. Run like h*ll!!

(For entertainment purposes only, please do not try this with your cat, neither you nor your toilet will survive.)