I'm going to apologize in advance for this long, detailed message. It's on my heart, and I just need to share the details of what I know, now, because later, I may not have the emotional stamina to do it. You are all so caring and so good with your prayers that I felt like I needed to share.
Murphy just isn't right. She is agitated easily, coughing, frantic, at times, and the wetting problems have gotten even worse. Yesterday morning was especially bad, even though she did eventually calm down. I made an appointment for her with Dr. Robinson at 4 so he could look her over, carefully, and see if there is anything we can do for her to make her more comfortable.
Scott and I talked with him about lots of things that we (mostly me, since I am here all day with her) see happening with her, especially the dementia and the bladder issues. The medication she is using now is doing nothing to help her in that regard (the bladder). Her "waterproof" bed is not so waterproof......had to take it out yesterday morning to wash the cover again, and I think that is part of what upset her. The good news is that her appetite is good, as always, and she is drinking plenty of water. We just want her to have a good quality of life and to be less agitated. I think we are at the point that we need to try some new drugs to help with the dementia. He had told me that they are available and I tried to avoid them for as long as possible, but I think it is time.
Dr. Robinson's office was packed and I had to wait quite a while to see him. Thankfully, before I even went back with Murphy, Scott and Andrew arrived. Helen and Andrew kept each other company and came in and out. Murphy was obviously agitated as she doesn't sit easily at all due to her arthritis, so she is usually standing or plopping down. I wish I had carried a bed for her to use while we waited.
She has lost a considerable amount of weight, but it has been gradual, and we didn't really even realize the severity of it until today. Her alltime high was 77 pounds, last July. She was 61.2, yesterday. Dr. Robinson explained to us about how their kidneys stop functioning properly as they get older (I hope I'm telling you this correctly). He said it actually dehydrates their cells, causing weight loss and lack of absorption from liquids and their food. I shouldn't even try to repeat what he said because I know I'll get it wrong. Anyway, he said that the weight loss was minor compared to other things.
She has a lump on her chest, right at her left leg, which we have been watching for many months now (Dr. Robinson had seen her about that too). The lump has hardened and grown larger, something we already realized. What we didn't realize is that there is a second lump on the inside of her right leg. Murphy is not one to "roll over" and let you prod like my other dogs do. We simply never saw it. We keep our inspections, brushing, bathing, etc to a minimum with her to avoid upsetting her. Dr. R told me to quit beating myself up over it because he would never had suggested surgery on her at this point in her life, anyway, especially after the horrible recuperation period, last year, when we had major surgery on her ear. Both ears were mildly irritated, but he said they actually looked pretty good considering her history with ear infections.
She is old and her body is showing the signs. To tell you the truth, I think he saw and heard more today than he was willing to tell us with the kids standing there. When I asked him if he was trying to "protect" me from bad news, he admitted that he was "hedging" with me a little bit until he could give me more factual information. He told us to take it one day at a time, and he did some blood work which he is sending off for a more complete evaluation. He also added a medication to try and help with the incontinance problem, plus one for the "dementia" (I'm sorry I don't have them in front of me to tell you what they are). We will try this for a week. He is going to call me when the blood work comes back, and he said that depending on what he sees there, he might like to do the 24 hour withholding of liquids to get a concentrated urine specimen for further testing. But before he does that, he's going to sit down with us and discuss her whole situation more thoroughly. He actually said to Scott and me that he knows how I am about my animals and he knows I want him to do all he can for her, and he will, but when he thinks "enough is enough" he's going to tell us. I have to tell you that I felt that he thinks it will be soon. And then later in the evening, as we were cleaning up the kitchen, I asked Scott if he said anything else to him when they were alone, and he did. Dr. Robinson told him that he needed to prepare me and the kids as he did not think that Murphy would be with us much longer, nor would we want her to be if she is unhappy and in pain. Remember, this is the man who walked with me through 11 months of pure Hell with my Kaycee, five years ago, and he hasn't forgotten how hard that was for me. I am better able to handle it now, although it still hurts like crazy to think of losing her. I do not want her to suffer and I don't think she is, right now, but I am here, constantly, helping her get up and down, cleaning her bedding, calming her when she gets so frantic. Scott actually sees very little of it. Neither do the children, thank goodness.
I was able to share a lot of this with Helen on the way home this afternoon. I don't think Andrew understood what was going on, and we aren't going into great detail with him at this point. There is no need to. Helen and I shared a few tears and I cried ino the phone when I called and left a message for my friend, Sandra, but otherwise, I still have to move on, as if she's going to be fine. Now I know that there probably wasn't much, if anything, that could have been done if I had really pursued it earlier in earnest. Dr. Robinson and I had talked at length, before, about whether I ought to be bringing her in more often to be checked, and his conclusion, which I concured with, was that poking and proding her and getting her in and out of the car, which is very upsetting to her, every 4-6 months was not going to extend her life, and that if I saw any dramatic change or felt she was ill, I should bring her in then. I appreciated his candor then and appreciated it again, yesterday, when I felt she needed to be seen. He's all for extending life for any animal, as long as it is "quality" they are getting. He repeated to me yesterday that he has seen many animals be "saved" because the owner can't bear to part with them. I was that way with Kaycee.
I'm just glad that our girl is able to be comfortably at home, with us, and loved every minute of every day. Funny how this sweet girl, who I haven't even known for 2 years yet, has become such an important part of my life. As you know, she turned 14 years old in February and has been with Scott since she was a tiny puppy.
Sorry this is so long, but I needed to get it off my chest and let you know what was happening around here, right now. I'll keep you posted when I know more. I would just appreciate your remembering Murphy in your prayers, if you will. I ask that you pray for her to be comfortable and that she will let us know when it is time for her to leave.
Logan
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I hope and pray that following the blood work results, Dr. Robinson can come up with a course of treatement that will allow her to be with you all, enjoying a decent qualilty of life, for a while yet. There are Rx foods for dogs with comprised kidney function and more than a few drugs to treat the dementia too. I'm not going to give up on her just yet. I just wish I were there to give you a hug and a little comfort in person., because I know how heavy your heart is right now, how sad you are. I know what you're going through friend, just as I know you've been there before yourself, with your precious Casey. Me and Cody and Star are sending all of our love and prayers to you, Scott, the kids and of course, to dear, sweet Murphy. I love you friend. Sandra
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