Why make the choice to not have children?

[Sirrahsim]

Every since I was a wee little girl I've wanted to be a mother. I'd push my cat RB Ernie around the house in a baby carriage and dress him up in baby clothes. Now that I'm married I look forward every day to when I have my first baby My husband I have made the decision to wait several years, as we've only been married a little over one year now, but the simple fact remains that we can't wait to have children!

I don't understand why some people do not ever want to have children? This is not meant to be a debate, I'm just curious about the views of the "other side". From the beginning of humanity it has been human nature to procreate, and that is why it is completely unfathomable to me that anyone would decide to give up their option of having children. Can anyone help me understand? I am not being argumentative, I am genuinely baffled!

[popcornbird]

Because of the torture you go through during pregnancy and child birth scare me!

He he.......just kidding. I do think I want children when I'm older and get married. I don't think I want too many, but at least two. I used to LOVE babies when I was a little girl.......I thought they were the cutest things. Then, when I hit my teens, I met some very *crazy* little kids that I simply couldn't tolerate being around. It was like they were born to drive you crazy. I guess I can say, when I was around 13-16 years old, I constantly said *I don't want kids*, whenever I would have an experience with annoying ones. I didn't really *mean it*. Maybe an immature statement due to my age at the time, and issues with certain young children.

Now, when I think about it, I really believe its the upbringing of a child that makes him/her the way he/she is, especially when they are young. I know there are exceptions, but in general, the bad bratty kids are the children of people who really don't pay attention to them, or spoil them way too much. I noticed that parents who spend time with their children and raise them properly have some of the sweetest kids you can imagine. I think some babies are absolutely adorable. I think I would like to have some when I'm older. I'm not crazy about children........and honestly, I don't even like most kids, but kids love me for some reason, and I think I would want a little girl at some point in life. As of now, I don't even want to think of it, but I can't say I don't want kids period. Pregnancy/child birth scares me, but if all women can do it, maybe I can too. He he. I've never exactly thought too deeply about wanting children. I don't have any desire for kids right now, but I am still young. Maybe I will have that maternal desire when I'm older. Maybe...

[guster girl]

I never wanted kids, either. I remember in high school, when girls would bring their babies or their baby siblings into the classroom, and, the girls would literally FREAK out! I never wanted to hold them, couldn't care less if I got to see them, or anything. I even got married, and, didn't want kids right away. I've never had the desire. For me, it's not really a conscious decision. I am a very "motherly" person to my pets, though, so the instinct is there, I guess. I remember meeting a little four year old (maybe 5) girl in Washington when I was about 18 or 19. She was such a brat, she didn't like me. I didn't like her. But, my husband and I were friends with her parents. So, I got stuck watching her once. I told her dad, she's not going to like this. He said she will get over it. And, an hour later, we were in love. Britney and I were inseparable for the two years I lived in Olympia, and, I kept in touch with her family for several years. I regret not keeping better contact, because that little girl was just amazing. So, meeting her opened my heart up a tad for the idea of having kids. and, there are a handful of children that I like a lot. For the most part, the desire is still not there. I could just as easily be with someone for the rest of my life and never have kids as I could meet someone and have two or three. It's really dependent on the person. I'm indifferent. Kids love me, though. I have never faked it with them, I act no differently with kids as I do with anyone else. But, I also have a knack for acting like a kid if put into a childlike situation. I'll get down on the floor and roll around with a five year old, no problem. I hate baby talk, though, I can't do it. I can't talk to a five year old like a five year old talks to me. It drives me batty when people do that. I used to have full (albeit one sided) conversations with my niece when she was little. I do know, though, that if I had a baby, it would be such an amazing experience, that nothing would ever compare. And, if there were ever a human that loved me even half as much as I love my mother, WOW. But, again, I don't think I'll feel incomplete as a woman if I don't ever have kids. Sorry for the length of my response.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

I can't really give you much more straight of an answer; I just don't like kids. Period. No offense, but they just don't 'appeal' to me. Even when I was a *wee* little girl, I had no interest in babies, just animals; according to my parents.

[Miss Meow]

I've never had a maternal instinct.

I have just turned 34 and have absolutely no desire to raise children. There's no specific reason; it's just how I feel deep inside, like you do when you know that you want kids - I'm just the opposite.

I'd be horrified if I got pregnant. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but I just have no desire to raise a child. With that attitude, it's best if shaping young minds is left to those who want children

[slick]

When I was 17 I knew that I didn't want to have children. I can't really tell you why. I guess I just didn't have the maternal instinct for human babies. I can honestly say that all my life I really didn't and don't like human babies. I thing it's just something that's lacking within myself. That's not to say that when a friend of mine shows me her baby I don't go goo-goo-gaa-gaa but it's not the same as when I see a dog or a cat. Animals just fill my heart in a way that humans can't.

I'm 51 now and have never regretted my decision not to have children. Children do not make you whole as a person.

[CathyBogart]

I've known since I was a little girl. I don't really know *why*, I've just always known. Even as a child myself, I always told my mother that I wasn't having kids. I had few friends growing up, at least partially because I grew up very quickly and was unable to relate to most of the other kids....and I actually felt disdain for a lot of the behavior I saw in my peers (And I still do as a matter of fact!).

Babies give me the chills, much in the same way that many people here get creeped out by spiders or snakes. Every time I see a young baby, something inside me cringes, and sometimes it even makes me feel queasy.

I'm 19, and at the stage now where everyone is telling me "you'll change your mind". Yet...since I've known this my entire life, and I've spoken to many people through No Kidding! who have had the same experience, I no longer dread that they may be right.

(Besides, my maternal instinct is defective....I swoon and squeal over a litter of baby scorpions, but the sight of human babies makes my skin crawl. Go figure.)

[jenluckenbach]

I don't understand why some people do not ever want to have children?

I had the sterilization operation at 20 years of age, just before I married Charlie. I KNEW, kids were NOT for me.

WHY??:
I do not have patience
I am not comfortable around children of any age
I am not willing to change my life THAT much for another person
The commitment is too great
Children brought up by parents that are less than devoted turn out as LOUSY human beings, so why would I want that??

I think you get the idea.

[Pam]

This is an interesting thread and something I have wondered about as well. Although I am one of those who couldn't wait to have children and just love my kids and grandson to death, I know there are others that are just not 'wired' the same way that I am. I think it's wonderful that people who don't wish to have children know that way in advance and don't cave into pressure from family/friends. That would be a disaster all around for everyone. Good thread idea!

[Vio&Juni]

There was a thread on this topic a while ago.

I want to have children, very much, but not in the way that if I didn't, I couldn't live with this! As I don't believe in God and in the life after (there was a discussion on this topic too), I see a continuation of my being only in the life of my cells, life in general in plants and other stuff and a continuation of my human life and to the civilization, to which I contribute, in a child. I can't say I love every baby or every child, but I know that I will love my baby or babies. It is very much like when you take a pet in, you can't say you love it from the very first moment, but it becomes so dear to you as you live with it. Even when it shreds your furniture

[anna_66]

Ok, now I'm on the other end of the spectrum. All I wanted as a young girl was to grow up, get married and have children. I had no other amition in life but to raise a family. And still to this day I feel the same way. But unfortunately I'm not able to have children.

I think it's wonderful that those of you who don't feel like you want children either wait, or don't have them at all. I agree with Jen when she said Children brought up by parents that are less than devoted turn out as LOUSY human beings, so why would I want that??
.

This is a very good thread. I wish more people would think before they mess around and get pregnant. Nothing makes me madder than when someone is having a baby they didn't want & don't take care of them.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

I am on neither side..

I know i am not ready to have children.. and i would not be mad if it happened.

Me and Eric are not trying .. AND NOT PLANNING ON TRYING.. but we would consider it a blessing if i did get pregnant.

Either way a few years back when my sister and friends were getting pregnant and having babies.. my maternal instincts were in HIGH gear and i really really really really wanted to have a baby..

BUT now i am glad we haven't had any and I realize I am not ready... it wouldn't surprise me if we never had children.. but whatever the Lord's will is, that is what I want.!!

[Denyce]

*shrug* I too have never liked babies. I am not comfortable around them, I don't like baby smell and they scream when someone insists I hold them. Most likely they sense my discomfort. I never played with dolls as a child. I have never ever wanted children. I used to have nightmares about being pregnant.

But yes...children also seem to like me. Once they are past the whole diaper thing I am better with them. But I don't speak to them in baby talk either. I find that degrading to the both of us. I used to give children lessons in riding and they loved me...but I was strict and had rules and they had to stick to them or they were out. Period...no discussion.

I luckily found a man who doesn't want children anymore than I do. I am very nuturing and maternal...just not with children.

All I have to say is bless us who don't want children...for more reasons than I can go into on this thread

[Logan]

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum from many of the responses here. I ALWAYS wanted to have kids, and lots of them! My first husband was not that way. When we finally did agree to have a baby, after 6 years of marriage, and I was 8 months pregnant with Helen, I remember him saying to me that if it had been totally up to him, he would have chosen to have no children. I'm sure he doesn't remember saying that, and he would regret having ever said it if he did remember it. I NEVER forgot those words coming out of his mouth, though, as I sat there, looking like a whale, so excited about the new baby. Maybe that was the beginning of the end for us. Anyway, we have a lovely 13 year old now, and she is the apple of both of our eyes. He has turned out to be a terrific father to her, even though we are no longer married. The only thing I regret is that I was never able to have more, and now I'm too old! But I got two more when I remarried last year, just "grown" ones instead of infants.

I love children, and they are our future. But I applaud those of you who are wise enough to know that a child is not what you want or need, and are taking the precautions to make sure you don't have one.

[catnapper]

I don't know how to explain or define it. As far as I can remeber, babies and young children have never held any fascination with me. In highschool, I'd dream of meeting a man with kids and marrying him and raise his kids as my own... hee hee... thats what I did! I love my step kids more than I'd ever imagine. The job of raising step kids is VERY hard because underneath, everyone knows that I am not their mother.

As for young kids and babies, thats not something I have the temperment for. I get chronic migraines and am oftern bedridden for a day or two. Having a baby... well that luxury is not there. you have to function even though you feel like dying. Thats selfish on my part, but also honest to admit I'd not be able to deal with it. And the midnight feedings/diaper changes would not endear me.... I like my full 8 hours.

My nieces and nephews drive me nuts with their whining and screaming. Sure, they are cute. But they drive me out of my mind thinking farting is funny, or "mooooommmmm, she's looking at me!" I guess I'm an old person trapped in a young body. i don't know. I realate so much better to my teenaged step kids than any young child.

But all that said, I guess that I've been formulating this opinion since I was 16. Thats how old I was when the doctor told me that having a baby would be difficult if not impossible. I guess upon hearing those words, I trained myself into thinking I didn't want a baby.