It is with a very heavy heart that I tell you I had Binx PTS this morning, at 820am. I am in a state of disbelief that my big baby boy is no longer with me. The last few months, especially, the last few weeks have been very, very hard, mostly on me, some on Binx. We had great hopes for sir jury, a cure, or at least a liveable fix. It just didn't seem to be in the cards for him. I had the biopsy work done the last week of January, and was hopeful that something new could be discovered. Nothing was. The Doctor was fairly suprised at the growth of the gum. He hadn't realized it had grown so much. The doctor in New Jersey, when he recieved the xrays, was pretty dumbfounded about Binx's tooth placement. The sir jury he was proposing was going to be pretty radical, very painful, and at least a two step process. The sad news was- this wasn't a guarantee. All of it could grow back. I thought long and hard about putting Binx (and me) through this, and what would it be like to have him in this condition for the rest of his life. I came to the very difficult decision that Binx wasn't going to be a test animal, nor could I live with him, in a house, the way he was. The smell of the gum either decaying, or the food stuck in the crevices decaying was very overwhelming. I cannot really explain it sufficently to make it seem as significant as it was. It was nauseating. I didn't know if I was being fair to Binx, or not anymore. While I told myself he was happy, and in my heart of hearts, I believe he was, I can't say he wasn't in pain or discomfort. I couldn't say subjecting him to further sir jury would be worthwhile. I can't really say that I could have sucessfully placed him in a shelter, or home. It was really a major deformity. I was overwhelmed, and I was used to it. I feel like I have betrayed Binx, that I was the one person that said I would love him forever, and 'fix' him. Then, I changed my mind. I hurt so bad over my decision. I can only pray that this was in his best interest, and where ever he is, he knows I love him tremendously, and wanted nothing but the best for him. Sadly, I will have this on my conscience for the rest of my life. That still won't make it right. I wanted you all to know, since you supported us so much. I hope my decision won't make you feel less for me. Please say a prayer for my big baby, lumbering around at the RB, with a full set of teeth, a normal jawbone, and all the tennis balls he wants.
Johanna
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