A friend sent this to me and I thought all you people who know how cats can
be would appreciate this story---------
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my
excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had
given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was
taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to
me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you
a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning,
&without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed
disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new
kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging
between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the
sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at
the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in
this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
experience.
I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly
and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-here,
done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all
the while trying to suppress their hysterical
laughter......... and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about. Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your
tongue?"............... If they only knew!
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