Urgent

[Tonya]

The guy that took me under his arm and trained me at work has been battling cancer for the past year. He used to refer to me as his adopted daughter. He is now paralyzed from the neck down. The doctor gave him one week as of last Monday, which would mean this Monday is his estimated time to go. He was supposed to be ok. We'd done all the fundraising dinner, walk a thons, sympathy cards, flowers, etc...last year. The past few months, we'd been all celebrating that'd he overcame it. But then, suddenly, we found out that it spread. Anyways, he's still totally coherant. He has requested no calls or visitors during his final days. I want to acknowledge that I am thinking of him somehow. I never really got to say goodbye because we thought he'd won the battle. But on the same line, it seems really wrong and awkward to talk to someone about their own death. I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to say or do. I was very close to him, but surely not as close as his wife, brother and sons. So it isn't like I want to intrude. I am sure there are hundreds of people wanting to say goodbye, he is such a wonderful man. What do I say? What do I do? Any scripture or thoughts that come to mind? I'm sorry that this message is so scrambled, I am not going to bother to proof read it. Please give me advice quickly. My mind is to cloudy to think. I feel like I am in a horrible dream.

[slick]

Tonya I'm so sorry to hear of this. Is there any way that you can write a letter to him and give it to his wife to read to him?? In that letter you could express all your feelings and how much you appreciated working with him, etc etc etc. Put it all down on paper and don't spare anything. At least that way you'll feel better knowing that he heard you.

What do you think??

[Tonya]

I've found a card. It was really hard to find one. Because "get well soon" isn't appropriate, nor is a sympathy card since he's still alive. The card that I found says:

When you draw close to God...
with your faith,
with your prayers,
with your heart...
God will draw close to you.
with His protection,
with His guidance,
with His love.
James 4:8

Then the inside says:
Listen for His voice,
rest in His love,
and know all is well
in His hands.

I just don't know what to write in it. My mind is so blank. I cannot imagine how his wife must feel right now.

[slick]

Listen to your heart and you'll soon know what to write.

If it were me I'd write something like this:

"Too often we forget to acknowledge the friends in our lives and I just want to take this opportunity to thank you for .....blah blah"

Put some appropriate humour in it also like "I remember when....."
and put something funny in it. If I was dying I wouldn't want to receive cards that were all doom and gloom. But that's just me because laughter is such an important part of my life.

[Karen]

Love transcends all boundaries,
Even that of life and death
So swift I have to say good-bye
No long farewell, no awkward pauses
But love - my love will stay with you
And love - your love will guide me always
A friend is a friend forever, you know
And I celebrate your life, your gifts to me
Your gifts to your wife, your family,
We, your friends and the world
And remember, I'll remember
You forever.

Death never wins
For love lives on.

[Tonya]

Thank you very much.

[Tonya]

p.s. Sorry for being such a spaz. I usually have a way with words, but it is amazing how your mind goes blank when time is against you.

[kohala]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers today, as it is those of us who remain that suffer long after the suffering of our loved ones has passed on with them.
The idea of writing and giving it to his wife is excellent - and let it ramble, it's OK.
Love, Ko

[ramanth]

I'm sorry I have no advice greater than what Karen and slick have shared, but I wanted to say that you do not need to appologize. You're not being a spaz.

*HUGS* to you.

[Cinder & Smoke]

Tonya ~

Two thoughts...

GO to the hospital during visiting hours and talk to either a Chaplain or the Charge Nurse for his room. Ask them to announce to his wife that you are there and would like to speak to her (outside of his room). She'll hopefully come out and then you can explain your closeness to your "Other Dad" and ask if SHE thinks a quick visit would be OK. She might even want to ask "Dad" if he's up to it.
Then do whatever they suggest.

IF they suggest a visit is not appropriate;
ask if you could
step into the room (and possibly deliver a personal note),
the next time he goes to sleep...
He'll feel you presence even if you don't speak...

From personal experience -
Chaplains and Charge Nurses can bend the heck out of
*hospital rules* when they see a need to do so.
(A midnight visit, when he's asleep and the family isn't there,
CAN be arranged... you just have to talk to the right folks.)

And as difficult as it may be for you...
Try to attend calling hours if or when that time comes.
It's never too late to say I Love You and Goodbye.



/s/ Phred

[Tonya]

Thank you, everyone. He is no longer in the hospital. They sent him home since there is nothing else that they can do for him. We are all working tomorrow, so a few of us close ones are going to show up at his home and just drop off a care package. If the family invites us in, that's great, but we aren't going to ask because he's already requested privacy.

As far as what to say, I finally figured out what to put into his card. I'll share it with you all since you really helped me to think clearly. Just a little background so you understand the note...our "yard" is what we call the office at work. Payday Fridays were always a blast because Lee ran "Paycheck Poker". We'd all bet money and use the numbers from our gross pay to play poker. Lee used to always give me heck because out of about 30 guys, I won 6 paydays in a row once.

Lee,

I am really having a difficult time finding the words to say. It is still so hard for me to believe that you are sick. I just want to thank you for the cheerfulness that you have brought into our yard. There has been so many times that I have had a rough day and your jovial laugh brought my spirits up. Lee, your sunny smile and laugh is greatly missed. Our payday Fridays just aren't the same without your bright smile. All though I want to give you your privacy, please know that I am thinking of you often. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

[Tonya]

p.s. The care package will include meals for the family, flowers, cards, pictures, and some drawings that Jaden's kindergarten class made for him.

If I find enough time at work tomorrow, I'm going to make a flower bouquet out of our telephone wires. We have wire in lots of pretty colors. Lee worked for the company for 30+ years, so he'll get a kick out of it. He always teased me that out of 30 years with the company, I'm the first tech he's seen make art out of wires. He'd roll his eyes and say "girls!"

[dukedogsmom]

So sorry to hear this. I know losing a friend must be hard. And to lose one with such an awful thing is worse. I hope he does deside to see you and your friends. I'm sure he needs all the love he can get right now. I'm glad he's at home where he can be a lot more comfortable. Karen, that poem was beautiful.

[Cinder & Smoke]

Originally posted by Tonya
If I find enough time at work tomorrow,
I'm going to make a flower bouquet out of
our telephone wires.

We have wire in lots of pretty colors. Lee worked for the company for 30+ years, so he'll get a kick out of it.

He always teased me that out of 30 years with the company, I'm the first tech he's seen make art out of wires. He'd roll his eyes and say "girls!"

Tonya ~

MAKE Time to create the Wire Bouquet!!

Your Bouquet, and Jaden's Drawings,
will be a wonderful gift that he will cherish.

Rest Easy, Lee!

/s/ Phred

[Karen]

I loved when the phone company came to work on telephone poles in our neighborhood, because they'd always leave bits of color wire behind - treasure! I can't believe you get to play with all you want!!!! Jealous! Make a few wire flowers for me, too!