What am I doing wrong?

**jenluckenbach** · 08-31-2003, 11:55 AM

Sweet Annie is still so scared of me (people in general). She is young, probably about 14 weeks, and she has been here almost a month. What am I doing wrong? Other people have success with their feral kittens. I feel that I am failing her.

We are trying to find her a different foster home so that she can make some better progress (my idea) but they are all full.
Please, help me break through her fear. Post any suggestions here.

**Prairie Purrs** · 08-31-2003, 12:21 PM

Bob had to have his own room for a couple of months. I'd sit on the floor and talk to him quietly, and let him decide when he wanted to approach me. Then I opened the door to his room and sat in the next room, and after awhile he'd venture out and sit in my lap. Finally one day I opened the door and he ran out of his room into the bedroom, where he hid under the bed until he felt comfortable enough to venture out into the rest of the house.

Bob still hides whenever anyone else is in the house, but he's very comfortable otherwise, and he's quite an affectionate boy with me. He sleeps on the bed at night, spends a good part of the day watching me from behind the computer monitor, and loves chin rubs. Once he decided on his own that he wanted to join the rest of the household, he progressed very well.

**kimlovescats** · 08-31-2003, 01:13 PM

Jen.... don't be so hard on yourself! I can bet that if YOU can't tame Annie, then no one can!!! Some cats just take a lot longer, and some may never even settle down. If you want to send her to another foster home .... where someone is more experienced with ferals, I say do it.....but don't do it only because you feel like you have failed her!!!!

You are just feeling overwhelmed right now because you have too much on your plate. Been there done that!!!!

I know how frustrating it is when you not only have new rescues with issues ... but then your own crew starts becoming affected as well! I am STILL fighting to get some of mine back to a healthy state....still having runny noses and eyes, and this DARNED ringworm crap!!! Does it ever end?

So.... I am right there with you girlfriend..... find some way to get a break, or delegate some of the work to others (fosters) etc.!

Write me anytime you need!

(hugs)
Kim

**jenluckenbach** · 08-31-2003, 01:23 PM

The truth is, I do NOT have any experience with ferals...........but I figured that you have to start somewhere, right? I just want her to have the BEST foster home, and I can live with the fact that I may not be the one for her. But in the meanwhile, I need some tips from the experienced.

The support is always welcome too.................THANKS

**kimlovescats** · 08-31-2003, 01:32 PM

Jen, I know I'm not the "experienced" you think of... but here are the "tips" I used with this little Gypsy girl!

I confined her roaming space .... made her have to be close to me at all times..... I would speak softly to her everytime I passed her, but most importantly DID NOT give her a totally secure hiding place. She had to learn that she didn't need to be totally hidden from me, that I was no harm to her!

That's my "advice" for what it is worth.

**lizbud** · 08-31-2003, 07:07 PM

I'm no expert by any means,but when I had placed or adopted
out 4 of Momma Kitty's babies by 12 weeks, I brought the last two
(Redbud & Mikey) inside the house with me & Buddy. They were
confined to the family room downtairs.I put two litter boxes at
opposite ends of the room & they were also fed in that room. I
did not try to make them come to me at all.I acted like they were
not there at all when I was around them.I did let them hide under
the couch or in an open closet if they wanted to & they did hide
for months before I could put out their food, move away & watch
from a distance while they ate. I would always be singing or
talking aloud when I was around them, but never looked at them
at all. Sometimes I would see them peek out from under the
chair skirt or the couch as I sat down to read the paper or change
the station on the radio. They just needed time to see that this
strange looking non-furry creature was harmless. It took about
six months before they wouldn't run & hide when I came into the
room.After that I moved on to playing games with the feather
wand to get their interest, etc,etc. Every cat is different so I guess
it's a different timetable depending on the cat. Good luck Jen &
don't give up. Relax & she will too, in time.

**bisi.cat** · 09-01-2003, 03:16 AM

I wonder if you keep her still seperated?!
When we've been to the cat shelter earlier this year they had a small feral girl there, too...she was kept seperated, but she wouldn't bond, because she wasn't used to humans...
One day they've released her into a big cat herd and the lady from the staff accompanied her and it happened that in this unfamilar place the kitten starts looking for something/someone familar...and that was the lady from the staff!!!
Until this day she became more friendly every day accepting the human to be just another cat!

I don't know if that will work with sweet Annie, but I agree with the others that it sometimes takes quite a long time to get through to a freal, even a kitten...they are very sensible and each one is so different, that in some cases it may take some time...

Talk to her often, so that she will get used to your voice and make no attempt to touch her at first, when she responds to your voice start to touch her, so that she gradually loose her fear and work with loads of treats!!!

I do hope you'll find a way to get through to her..GOOD LUCK!!!

**moosmom** · 09-01-2003, 10:29 PM

Jen,

Kim is right. There ARE some ferals that just can't be socialized. Don't beat yourself up over it. It happens.

I rescued 3 feral kittens just before I moved to CT. I confined them to a cage in my spare room so I had access to them. Everyday I would spend at least 15-20 minutes EACH, holding them, whispering to them and handling them as much as possible. 2 (Ozzie and Deek) of the 3 kittens did great. Grumpy Dave started coming around. It was only after I had him neutered that he reverted back to his feralness. No matter what I did, he never came around. So he's now happily living at a farm with other ferals in upstate CT.

The key is to handle her as much as you can. Even if you have to wrap (papoose) her up in a towel with only her face showing. Talk softly, and pet her. Slowly blink your eyes as this will let her know everything is okay and you're not going to hurt her. She may have to be confined for a little while. But if you keep spending time with her, feeding her, giving her treats, she'll start to know that you can be trusted.

It took me a while to get used to working with ferals. Feral kittens need to be removed from the mamas by 6 weeks. The longer they stay, the more difficult it is to socialize them. The oldest kittens I ever socialized were about 10-12 weeks old. They lived in a tree with their mama.

Patience is the key, Jen. Don't get discouraged. And if it doesn't work out, it's just nature, plain and simple.

Good luck and please keep us posted. If you need anymore advice, feel free.

**Ally Cat's Mommy** · 09-02-2003, 03:10 AM

Jen,

I have never been in this position, so I am afrain I can't offer any advice, but what I would like to say is.....

Every time I read your posts I am moved by the hard work, effort and most of all LOVE that you give to all your cats - both your own and your fosters. To now expand your experience and work with a feral kitten is really admirable. They obviously have different needs to a "socialised" kitten, and from reading the other posts it seems that TIME and PATIENCE are the main things - and you seem to have these in abundance!

Good luck with your little "wild child" - I am sure if ANYONE can bring her round, it's YOU

(((HUGS)))

Julie

**jenluckenbach** · 09-02-2003, 06:24 AM

Thank you.

I am taking the idea of confining her to a smaller space for a while. AND I am restricting her access to the other kittens that are her age. (I noticed, the day the 2 boy fosters were away at adoption days, Annie became "lonely" and was more receptive to me. But as soon as they came back, she went back to her old self).
Yesterday and today I have off from work. I put Annie in an all wire cage that I can carry. I kept her by my side for as long as I was at home. Tomorrow, when I go back to work, I am not sure. I may just decide to take her with me. It can get a bit loud sometimes, but maybe if I show her that I can comfort her.
She is being kept in with Jim and Sterling (the jailbirds) over night. They are OK with her but will not really give her the attention that the other kittens would. I think it may be working.

**K & L** · 09-02-2003, 11:50 AM

Jen
Some cats just take longer than other cats. Our Paisley took almost a year before she warmed up to us, than we had others that took no time at all. Patience is always the key word when working with Ferals, Fosters, etc. Hang in there, you're doing a GREAT job!

**L. Wayne** · 09-03-2003, 01:27 PM

Jen, you cannot be everything to every cat. Some of them will remain feral regardless of what you do. Mopsy, I have had for 6 months, as an indoor cat and she is just now beginning to accept all of the others without going into a fighting mode. Also, my Blue Czarina is getting more aloof. She does not like to be picked up, as well as my other blue cat, Puma. Czarina usually sleeps in the basement by herself. She doesn't eat with the others , but prefers to eat during sleep time for the others. I suppose that if I had not had her from birth she would also be incurably feral. So, don't worry about your feral kitten, just do what you can, and expect that she may have a "feral personality". If she does, that is OK, as long as she is comfortable living with you and the others.

...........wayne

**moosmom** · 09-03-2003, 06:15 PM

Jen,

Believe it or not, Lil Eli, the feral dude that Ramanth rescued last November STILL has a little feralness in him. He comes up to me for loving when I'm in bed or sitting in my recliner. But if I walk by or towards him, he takes off. I just make like he's not there. Whenever company comes over, he vanishes. When my daughter was here for a week, she didn't see him at all. He'd come out at night to eat.

14 weeks is a tough age to try to socialize but it CAN be done. Please don't give up on Sweet Annie. Right now she needs you.

**jenluckenbach** · 09-03-2003, 07:55 PM

Annie did real good with me today. Kind of like the day when the other 2 fosters were away at adoption days. I had her alone with Jim, and he won't give her the time of day, so I guess I was better than nothing. But keep in mind that she reverted right back to her old ways last time she was like this, but I will take any improvement I can get.

**moosmom** · 09-04-2003, 09:06 AM

Jen,

That's all you can do at this point is to take any improvement you get. The day that she jams her head in your hand is the day you know that your job is done and you've done it well...not that you AREN'T doing a great job now

Keep up the great work.