Tony Blaire and the pixies

[jonza]

Presumably we are now allowed to post contraversial stuff in DogHouse, so here we go. Is this acceptable then?

Tony and the pixies
Terry Jones Sunday March 23, 2003

Dear Tony,

I'm terribly worried that you may be losing your grip on reality.

For example, a few days ago you went on television and announced that after the US has bombed Baghdad "We shall help Iraq move towards democracy."

Now I don't want to be a wet blanket, Tony, but was it a leprechaun who suggested this idea to you?

Since the Second World War, the US has bombed China, Korea, Guatemala, Indonesia, Cuba, Guatemala (again), Peru, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala (third time lucky), Grenada, Lebanon, Libya, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Iran, Panama, Iraq, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Afghanistan and Yugoslavia - in that order - and in not a single case did the bombing produce a democratic government as a direct result.

Why do you think it will be any different in Iraq? Or did your fairy godmother promise you this along with a golden coach?

In the same TV appearance you also went a bit dreamy and said that you were going to "put the money from Iraqi oil in a UN trust fund so that it benefits Iraq and no one else."

Hasn't anyone told you that they've been debating how to use the Iraqi oil field money in the White House for months, and there is a strong body of opinion that thinks it's a good idea to use it to cover the expense of the US military operation, which, let's face it, is going to be colossal. $6-$9 billion a month - that's a lot of money for a nation in the economic mess George W Bush's America is currently in.

And then what on earth did you say to that nice Clare Short to persuade her not to resign? She came out of your office saying that you'd "persuaded President Bush that there must be a UN resolution on creating a UN mandate for the reconstruction of Iraq."

Now come on! You've been playing with the pixies haven't you? You know perfectly well that President Bush and his people don't give a goblin's cuss for the UN. Richard Perle, who happens to be chairman of Mr. Bush's defence policy board, only this week called the UN "the chatterbox on the Hudson" - despite the fact that it's on the East River (hope his geography is a bit more accurate when he starts ordering the bombing!)

Perle was penning an obituary for the United Nations and he didn't seem too sad to see it go. "What will die is the fantasy of the UN as the foundation of a new world order...the liberal conceit of safety through international law administered by international institutions."

And what will replace the UN, in Mr. Perle's fairy tale world? Why the good ole USA of course! It will administer worldwide justice and punishment in the interests of "a new century favourable to American principles and interests". Not much comfort there for us elves and brownies.

You know Mr Bush and his advisors can't wait to sell the UN building off as a luxury apartments with stunning views of the East River - sorry, Richard! - the Hudson. (I'm sure they're going to swap the names so as to bring the chairman of the defence policy board's remarks into line with reality.)

And, Tony, I hope you didn't persuade Clare to stay in your government by promising that she could be in charge of all the UN reconstruction and humanitarian aid, because you know that's only going to happen in dreamland.

Mr Bush and his chums want this to be an exclusively US business. They're only allowing American companies to bid for the £640 million worth of reconstruction planned (paid for no doubt by Iraqi oil) and that includes running the health and education services. Poor Clare is going to have a big empty office and nothing to do in it.

What's more the UN won't continue its humanitarian aid (which currently feeds 60% of Iraqis) because the yanks will insist on US troops delivering it. Washington boasts that its soldiers, when they've killed enough people, will magically transform into kindly aid workers. But Justin Forsyth, the head of policy at Oxfam says: "We don't want our aid equipment to be offloaded off the back of a US military lorry, because if we were to do that we would be seen as part of a belligerent force."

So all little Clare Short will have got for compromising her principles and making herself a laughing stock is a short trip to Washington and somebody else's hanky to blow her nose in.

And I bet you don't make her Deputy Prime Minister in the next reshuffle.

Now I can't believe that you have done any of this deliberately. It must be those fairy folk, whispering in your ear. So why don't you look into your heart and see if there is any glimmer of truth and honour left in there, and then chase those goblins and elves away. It could just work.

Best wishes,

Terry Jones

Terry Jones writes regularly for The Observer. To all those readers who have written in to ask if this Terry Jones had anything to do with Monty Python, the answer is yes.

[Soledad]

I liked it!! It reminds me of this:

Questions?

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by jonza
Presumably we are now allowed to post contraversial stuff in DogHouse, so here we go. Is this acceptable then?

Tony and the pixies
Terry Jones Sunday March 23, 2003

Dear Tony,

I'm terribly worried that you may be losing your grip on reality.

Dear Terry.

Everyone knows that pixies do not exsist.

That is why you are a washed up comedian and I am leader of one of the greatest nation in the world.

love,
Tony

P.S.

You set the british empire back a few hundred by writing some of that comedy that no one off the island really understood.

[Soledad]

Dear Tony,

Don't get too upset, after all I'm just a washed up comedian. Surely my two bit article shouldn't ruffle the feathers of the leader of one of the world's greatest nations.

As for the comedy, I'm sorry if Americans are incapable of understanding how your rationalisations are parallel to fantasy and/or fiction. For some reason, my thoughts and humour is thought well enough of to be published on a regular basis.

Love,

Terry

[mugsy]

Dear World,

After careful consideration and the reading of George Washington's farewell address, the U.S. has decided to rethink the ignoring of our first president's line of thinking. We are now going to follow Washington's wishes and stick to isolationism and focus on the U.S. If anyone needs anything, please don't hesitate to contact Russia or China.

Love,

the U.S.A.

[Soledad]

Dear USA,

That is not necessary. You see, we exist in a global community which means we must consider the advice of things like the UN. We are fine with you taking interest in foreign affairs. We are not fine with you breaking UN rules and then invading other countries because they do not abide by the UN. If you would like to try some diplomacy, we'd be more than happy to discuss.

Regards,

The World

[mugsy]

Dear World,

Since the U.S. is perfectly capable of surviving on its own, we have chosen to do so. Please remove the U.N. from the U.S. and place it someplace else, like Moscow, and kindly leave us alone. We no longer care to bear the financial burden of supporting a washed up organization who obviously hates us, so please pack your bags and leave, post haste.

Sincerely,

U.S.A.

[Soledad]

Dear USA,

Your request is impossible. America needs the world to import and export to, so you will always need to have relations with other countries. Sorry. Perhaps when you go through your adolecent anger, you can think more reasonably.


The World.

P.S. Don't get too worked up into a frenzy when other countries decide to follow your lead and invade their neighbours and install regime changes. Surely you'd understand.

[mugsy]

Dear World,

We are not angry, just looking out for #1. As for being adolescent, that is true, we have only been around for a little over 200 years, guess that means when you oldsters die that we'll still be around going strong. Just an observation, no offense intended . As for exports, we may consider our allies, like Great Britain and such. As for our enemies, you need not apply for aide.

Later days dudes (well, you know, we must keep up the adolescent ideals),

U.S.A.

[tatsxxx11]

"P.S. Don't get too worked up into a frenzy when other countries decide to follow your lead and invade their neighbours and install regime changes. Surely you'd understand."

No...Surely you JEST!! Follow OUR lead?? That's laughable. If only we could turn back the clock!

Dear Pres. Wilson...We know you meant well, but couldn't you have left well enough alone?? The Leaque of Nations...? Look what THAT led to! Abandon isolationism?? Whatever were you thinking?? We were perfectly happy, reveling in our abundance of natural and man made wealth, riches and resources; our unparalleled strides in technology, medicine, industry and agriculture. After all, throughout history, the world has proven itself perfectly capable of pillaging, plundering, marauding, depredating, ransacking, invading, colonizing, conquering, and destroying it's own and it's neighbors, without the help of us evil, imperialistic, baby slaughtering, war loving Americans. And so many notable, noteworthy paradigms to choose from! From the Vikings to Genghis Kahn; from Atilla the Hun to the Roman Empire, from Mao Tse Tung to Pol Pot...Stalin, Hitler, Saddam. Ah, yes, to paraphrase the words of the bard, "A 'plundering marauder by any other name..." Or was it something about glass houses???

As for the trade issue. The US is the most self sustaining nation on earth; always has been, always will be. We could certainly survive longer, if not wholly, without the "world's" imports than it could survive without our exports.

P.S. Terry, a lot of trash is published on a "regular basis." And sadly, it is pablum for the ignorant and uninformed; those with nary a coherent, considered, independent thought in their tiny little brains.

And in regard to parallel rationalisations to fiction and fantasy" Precisely! I believe the operative words ARE Fiction AND fantasy!

And Terry, while we're on the topic of parallelograms...thanks for the clarification! And here all the while I just thought you were being "obtuse."

Soledad, to presume or even begin to consider, that the declarations and actions of the U.N. are rooted in alltruism is a joke! The members of the Security Council are individually and collectively the most self absorbed, self serving nations on earth! They act in their own best interests, be them political, economic, or geographic. "Pax Americana" frightens you??? A single "world community" sends a shiver down MY spine! (Do I detect the chilling cadence of goose stepping??)

Funny, our dear French friend Chirac is already getting his Parisienne knickers in a twist, fearful that France and French companies are now not being fairly considered in the divying up of the goodies, and the establishing of the provisional gov't. post Saddam! Seems he doesn't want the seemingly irrelevant Iraqi govt. in exile to take IT'S rightful place in the order of things. And Russia, keep sending Iraq those night vision goggles and GPS jammers...I think the U.N passed a little, pesky resolution recently prohibiting such sales?? More on the hypocritical U.N. to follow.

[mugsy]

Dear World,

This member of the U.S. must continue our pen pal letters at a later time, being that I must get in the shower and get ready to go take Frankie to his forever home!

Never fear I shall return!!

Love,

Mugsy

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Bravo Sandra and Mugsy, I agree wholeheartedly, and I don't have time for this rubbish, I must go write a letter to the soldier that I have adopted in Iraq and hope that he is still healthy and alive.
Jackie, Perry and Miss Daisy

[KYS]

posted by jackiesdaisy1935:Bravo Sandra and Mugsy, I agree wholeheartedly, and I don't have time for this rubbish, I must go write a letter to the soldier that I have adopted in Iraq and hope that he is still healthy and alive.>>>>>

Ditto from me too, Sandra and Mugsy.

Karen

[Pam]

Another ditto!

[mugsy]

Dear Dissenting Americans,

If you don't like the war, I suggest you go and do your marches elsewhere where they will be appreciated. As for those who think that the U.S. government is so awful, I suggest you shut up about it unless you voted in the last election, at which point, I would ask that you keep your criticism a little quieter until this war is over, unless of course your goal is for us to lose.

To sum it all up, if you don't like it here or how it goes here, then LEAVE!! You do have the Constitutional right to do so, unlike the people of China.

Cordially Yours,

An American Supporter