Richard, I am in stitches reading this! Ed sure does make his needs, wants and desires KNOWN, doesn't he!
And I believe everthing you wrote (someone who never owned a cat may be incredulous).
First, let me mention my RB Sparkle, who came to live with me at age 6 months or so, and pass last October at 18 years. For whatever reason (known only to the Cat Gods,) Sparkle decided 4 AM was breakfast time. And food - even kibble - which had been out more than 4 hours was NOT edible. She would clear my night stand: clock - radio, lamp, Bible, any library books, anything else I happened to have on there. The number of bulbs that gal broke in 18 years is extreme!
But this Monday was a banner here. In the afternoon I typically settle with a large glass of ice tea to work the crossword puzzle. And Crystal routinely hops up on the end table, knocking the glass over. (You would think ONE of us would learn, after 8 years, that this was becoming a routine; we are both stubborn.) Monday, the glass dumped over the answer machine which shorted out.
Monday evening, Willy decided to clear the bed of pillows. He proceeded to do his plow imitation and shoved them all to the floor - one went over the night stand in the process. The lamp went down and smashed -- not just the bulb, the lamp itself also broke. And the clock radio went down. When I checked it, the clock worked, but not the alarm and not the radio.
So Tuesday, I had to buy 3 new items: answering machine, lamp and clock radio. People just do not realize how expensive pets are!!
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