Help

[Catty1]

It has been weeks since I have been in tears.

I finally decided that I must leave my church indefinitely. I have been there for some 10 years.

I am crying because I notified several people of my decision because I am involved with some service work - and I also emailed the priest because I have been there so long and known him so long.

My time there has seen me unconditionally supported through some of the worst times in my life. Some of the people I miss so much...this is not impulsive, this has been hanging over me and weighing me down for many weeks.

It's the dogma I can no longer deal with...I want to grow, and feel I can't there. There is so much that is believed to be literally true, and I just can't pretend any more. I became dry and dead inside.

I love the people I know there - it's the place I can't stand.

I posted in "Dear You" and the message there is virtually word-for-word what I just sent off to the priest.

It's like ending a relationship where there's still a lot of love, but I can't live there any more.

It just hurts bad. That's really my only point here. It is heartbreaking and hurts really bad.

Thanks for reading.

[Karen]

I am sure you will be able to find another church that better suits you. You can still maintain some of your friendships with fellow parishoners, of course.

[Laura's Babies]

Sometimes we just need "changes" in our lives in order to grow or to be happy. This is one of the times for you. When something no longer works for you, it is time to move on and find what does. Good luck in makeing that discovery. God will always be there for you, no matter where you go or what you do. (Maybe it is Him that is leading you to where you need to be.)

[wombat2u2004]

Never mind Candace....you WILL find your own way

[Marigold2]

How brave and intelligent you are to find your own path instead of being lead.
You are blessed, and the right place will be there for you soon.
Change is good, change is growth, change is a part of daily life, our souls and hearts are not meant to stay in one place but to experience as much of this world as we can be it through travel, different culture, religion, friends.
Many are afraid of change, but the wise know it is a daily experience and to embrace it as you are.

[kitten645]

Everyone grows and everyone changes. You and your needs are not what they were 10 years ago. I am in awe of people that stay married because of this law of nature. Change is what life is all about. You will find your way.
Claudia

[NicoleLJ]

I know exactly how you feel. I decided the same thing a few months ago about my church. It is a very hard and personal relationship and even now, a few months after my decision, it still hurts me a great deal. Hang in there. It does get better.

[Catty1]

Thank you all SO MUCH.

I think my one regret at this point is that I handled part of 'giving notice' rather badly. Understandable, since the state of mind and emotional condition was really unfamiliar to me.

I have known the priest for a good 6 - 7 years. His one reply was 'after 6 or 7 years - an email? get real.'

And he is right. He's only another human being, and my (understandable) selfishness, fear and the indirect and impersonal communication with him hurt his feelings, I am sure.

I'll make any amends I need to, and be accountable.

Also - the church community helped me through many rough times over the years. Now that many of those seem to be over and I am on an even keel - do I feel I don't need them any more? This bears some thinking as well.

HUGS and peace to all of you.

[FabulouslyFierce]

It is so brave of you to follow your own path and do what you know is right for you. Feelings may be hurt, but the people who truly love you will stick by your side.

[wombat2u2004]

I think my one regret at this point is that I handled part of 'giving notice' rather badly. Understandable, since the state of mind and emotional condition was really unfamiliar to me.

I have known the priest for a good 6 - 7 years. His one reply was 'after 6 or 7 years - an email? get real.'

That's ok. I know it's easier to send an email than to go thru the trauma of direct confrontation. But sometimes it's better to do it that way, because you can really speak your mind and not be swayed by the replies to your concerns. I'm sure you spelt it out the way you felt, and I think he should understand that.

[Marigold2]

A church is a business. Most people don't look at it that way but they are, especially if they have schools to run as mine did. It's a business, they want money and some are shameless in asking for it.
A church is also made up of good and bad people as any business is.
Those people in the church that are your friends can still be and you can still see them as you choice.
You might not worship in the same building or have the same beliefs but friendships should not if they are true need to be of the same faith or belief.
Many people have changed their minds on the churches teaching as we have grown in technology and wisdom.
Most people I have found only follow some not all of their churches teachings. I know at this point of no Catholics who do not practice birth control that is forbidden by the church. That does not make them bad Catholics it makes them wise people who only have children they can afford or want.
The Lutheran church I was a member at said the earth was only 5 thousand years old. THAT WAS THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD!
And yet........................... When the pastor said this I saw heads nodding believing............... I was speechless and then after the shock I figured they were too far gone to talk sense into so I left them to their ignorce and keep my mouth shut. I truly wanted to throw a fossell at them but I figured it would go over their head..............
I am still friends with members of my former church, three people in fact. One Dr and two nurses, only one the LPN is still there the other two have moved on.
But that is really my point, you have not lost friends, you are in the process of making new ones and of learning and growing and letting your soul sour. I hope you enjoy this very exciting and rewarding time in your life.

[Queen of Poop]

Perhaps you're not leaving for good, just taking a little break. Change is hard, don't I know it, but you will find the right path for yourself eventually. I'm here if you need anything.

[Pinot's Mom]

Candace, I know the process you're going through, and it is hard. I broke with the Catholic Church as a whole several years ago. I was raised Roman Catholic; it was all I knew, but so many things had piled up I could not accept. I, too, was going through the motions. That break, and joining PCUSA, has been great! The church I attend is lead by two forward thinking people who I respect and can talk to very easily. I have made wonderful friends and started singing again after many years. My faith is secure in this environment.

You are on a path which only God knows where it will lead. Trust it, trust Him, and you'll find your way. Good luck in this search, revel in the journey, have faith. You know where I am if you need me.

Maggie

[Catherinedana]

Finding your path is all part of living and I believe that you are not truly living if you are not changing. Take your time in finding a community that is right for you.

"I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy." Oriah Mountain Dreamer

[Marigold2]

A lovely post.

Candace, I know the process you're going through, and it is hard. I broke with the Catholic Church as a whole several years ago. I was raised Roman Catholic; it was all I knew, but so many things had piled up I could not accept. I, too, was going through the motions. That break, and joining PCUSA, has been great! The church I attend is lead by two forward thinking people who I respect and can talk to very easily. I have made wonderful friends and started singing again after many years. My faith is secure in this environment.

You are on a path which only God knows where it will lead. Trust it, trust Him, and you'll find your way. Good luck in this search, revel in the journey, have faith. You know where I am if you need me.

Maggie