Need advice from you moms...

[AdoreMyDogs]

I know parents do it all the time but it's really hard on me having a second child. Vince was great for the first couple weeks but has developed colic (mild case which I'm treating naturally as best I can), and he is not letting me sleep at night. He has not slept longer then 2 hours per stretch since birth and he will be 8 weeks old on Sunday. Sometimes he will go up to 2 hours before he's ready to be fed again, but more often it's every 1-1.5 hours between feedings, and he's even gone as little as 20 minutes between feedings. This would not be a huge deal if I didn't have a busy 2 year old to take care of during the day, but with Quinn and Vince I'm feeling like I'm going to lose my mind. I love him so much and he's wonderful during the day, but at about 6:30-7 PM the colic starts and I pretty much have to "pacify" him (let him nurse non stop on me) as this is the ONLY thing that will calm him. He usually falls asleep at around 9 PM or so. It's annoying for me because I can't get up and do my things but avoiding him screaming non-stop is worth it. I would rather pacify him then listen to his blood-curdeling screams. I've tried the pacifier but he just can't seem to get used to it. I know the colic won't last much longer so I can handle letting him use me as a pacifier until the colic passes. They usually outgrow it by 10-12 weeks.

However, it's the night time, after he's crashed for the night, that is just killing me. I am just completely exhausted all the time because he goes anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours between feedings. At 6 weeks Quinn was sleeping 5 hours and he's 8 weeks and I can rarely even get 2 hours of sleep between feedings. I called his doctor today and they said that it's just his personality and there's not much I can do except try to suplement formula before bed to keep him full longer (which I won't do) or pump and have daddy feed him once per night to let me get up to 4 hours per stretch. I guess I have to get him trained on the bottle but he (just like Quinn) is confused by the bottle and, thus far, has not accepted it, although we have only tried him on the bottle a couple times since birth.

It's frustrating. Quinn was THE easiest baby and was sleeping through the night really early and has even been sleeping 12 hours a night since 6 or 7 months old. Quinn did spit up more then Vince, he's only spit up a few times since birth which is nice, but goodness he's one fussy baby.

Those of you moms who had babies like Vince who didn't go long between feedings, how long did it last? I would have never guessed that at 8 weeks he'd be waking me up this frequentlly during the night, but hopefully it will pass and he'll outgrow the need for so much night time milk. When he feeds at night he will nurse until he's full (usually 5-10 minutes) and I can't get him to eat any more, he unlatches, falls asleep, and is in a milk coma.

So, any ideas or words of wisdom, or anyone with similar problems that have good news about how long this lasts?

Here are some pics of him. I keep telling him "it's a good thing you're so darn cute".



And big sister Quinn with Minion


And a funny one of Quinn "nursing" her baby doll. She was nursing her baby from her belly button as you might be able to see:

[Sonia59]

I have no advice, but I understand. The lack of sleep is the worst thing. Valentine also had to be fed several times per night and was eating only 5-10 min before falling asleep. But she never had colic. I tried the bottle later, at ~4 months old I think, but she never accepted it.

Vince is so cute! And I love the picture of Quinn nursing her baby doll!
I never realized you have a cat! Lovely picture too!

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Nathan never had colic either so I can't give any advise on that. As for the nursing- during your waking hours have you thought about using a sling so you can feed him while you move around the house? I've never done it, but know other who have had success with it. It may help.

For night time, how do you feel about co-sleeping? (If you don't already, that is. If you already do I have no advise.) I think I would have lost my sanity had it not been for co-sleeping. You can rest better while you nurse and then you and Vince can fall asleep together. He may even sleep better/longer while sleeping with you.

The pictures of vince are precious. And little Miss Quinn is adorable "nursing" her baby.

[Nomilynn]

My best friend's baby girl was very fussy and had bad colic. She even would SCREAM every time she pooped, because she had such an upset tummy that it appeared as though she would have really bad gas and my friend could even feel it rumble through her tummy. They said that their saving grace was gripe water. I also remember getting gripe water as a child and I liked the taste. Is that something you could try?

Now Emily is 16mos and they still use gripe water, but they also found something called "Little Tummies" which is an acid reducer and they said that also really helps her out.

I hope you get some relief soon, sleep is very important!

[lizbud]

I am sorry you are having a hard time with this. When you can't get enough sleep, it's the pits.


The one thing about breast feeding is you can't tell how much milk
the baby actually getting. Anyway, my son had colic, but it didn't show up till around 6-8 months & only at Suppertime.

Two things that worked for me was feeding him pablum before putting
him to bed at night. Kept him full so he could sleep longer. I did use a
pacifer with a drop a honey on it when he was fussy at Dinnertime.
We used a baby swing in the kitchen so I could fix Dinner.

[Sirrahsim]

Step away from the honey... Never give honey to a child under the age of 1! EVER. Honey can contain bacteria that causes infant botulism. The digestive tract of an adult is developed enough to neutralize the minor dangers presented in honey but a baby's digestive tract can not. Do what you will with gripe water and the like, but PLEASE. Do not give him honey and Lizbud, please research before suggesting that someone give THAT to their baby. I mean no disrespect, but honey is a serious danger to babies.

[k9krazee]

Sounds miserable...I think your only option is to rehome the little monster!

Just kidding I hope he outgrows the colic soon. He really is an ADORABLE baby!

[joycenalex]

i have a suggestion ...on airplanes, when they talk about emergency procedures, the flight attendants are very clear in telling you.... parents put YOUR oxygen mask on first , THEN your child. ask a close friend, or a family member, to cover for you for a night. you and your spouse go to a motel and sleep. order room service breakfast if you can afford that. sleeping away from your house, for a night will go a long long way into relieving your stress, sleep deprived parents aren't good for a fussy baby or an active toddler, and they aren't good for your physical health either. you need to maintain your health, because you cannot continue to be an effective parent without sleep.
good luck, keep posting, you have support here.

[sabies]

At 6 weeks Quinn slept 5 hours?! I hope my 2nd is like that because my first, Sam, was like Vince. She was every 2 hours til about 3 months when we moved on to 3 hours. At 4 months we moved on to 4 hours. I still wasn't getting 4 hours of sleep straight because feeding + my falling asleep time took some of that away. What I experienced was sleep deprivation and it is torture!

Did Sam have colic? Maybe, who knows for real. I tried mylicon and she would burp or pass gas and I'd think yes, that was it, but then she would start screaming crying again. I didn't try changing my diet like taking out dairy or something because that would take time to see results anyway but it is one thing to try. Supplementing with formula was not an acceptable option to me so I didn't try that either.

Some things that did help were the pacifier, a swing (not the upright kind but one she could fall asleep in), and daddy pacing the hallway holding her over his arm on her belly. Try a different shape pacifier with Vince. Are you swaddling him? That worked with Sam. Did you try happiest baby on the block techniques?

You should be able to be on a 2 hour schedule working toward a 3 hour one. He may not always be hungry when he cries so keep trying all different things to soothe him. At this point he is a good enough nurser that you can make him hold out a bit (2/3 hours is not too much to ask!) so you can maintain some sanity. Do you have family, friends, and/or daycare or sitters to help you get through these tough first months? They could entertain Quinn or take over soothing Vince (he'll still cry - rest where you can't hear him!). I know it must be so difficult with Quinn too. Perhaps if you could get Dad to take over 1 night with a bottle of pumped milk so you can get in a good chunk of sleep. Even if Vince doesn't take the bottle he won't starve. It would be a rough night for Dad for sure but you could gain some sanity back to make it thru this rough patch. Sam's crying used to upset me so much but if the crying is occurring while cared for in someone else's arms take a break from nursing and get rest where you can't hear any crying that may be going on. This is not like abandoning him or making him cry it out, he's still being pampered. As joycenalex said, you do need to put your oxygen mask on first.

I am nearly at 39 weeks and I am ready for the insanity you are experiencing. I guess my expectations are a lot different than yours were. I have many swaddle blankets (bigger ones that last for more months). I freaked out on hubby before to find the swing. We didn't have it when Sam was born, it was an essential discovery for us. I never let her sleep in it for long but I regret that - it may not be an optimum place for a baby to sleep at night but if it works take advantage of it for the sake of sanity. I was very uptight trying to do things right with Sam but it is not possible to be perfect and who knows what is really right anyway.

Hang in there!!!! I agree with your doctor that this is probably Vince's personality but don't worry Sam is very happy it's just that when she feels the SLIGHTEST discomfort she will loudly inform you. I've come to the conclusion she was never in real pain as an infant but I sure was.

[lizbud]

Step away from the honey... Never give honey to a child under the age of 1! EVER. Honey can contain bacteria that causes infant botulism. The digestive tract of an adult is developed enough to neutralize the minor dangers presented in honey but a baby's digestive tract can not. Do what you will with gripe water and the like, but PLEASE. Do not give him honey and Lizbud, please research before suggesting that someone give THAT to their baby. I mean no disrespect, but honey is a serious danger to babies.

I would never suggest something I had not tried myself & had no
bad effects. Not talking about gobs of honey, just a dab. Must have
done something right, as he is now a healthy adult and works as a
Aerospace Engineer.

Seriously, I would never suggest anything (on a web Board) that wasn't
approved by my Pediatrician. Leslie seems like a very intellegent person
and would not take or use advice she hadn't checked out with her own
Pediatrician.

[Karen]

I would never suggest something I had not tried myself & had no
bad effects. Not talking about gobs of honey, just a dab. Must have
done something right, as he is now a healthy adult and works as a
Aerospace Engineer.

Seriously, I would never suggest anything (on a web Board) that wasn't
approved by my Pediatrician. Leslie seems like a very intellegent person
and would not take or use advice she hadn't checked out with her own
Pediatrician.

That honey can be harmful to babies is a more recent realization of the medical profession than when your boy was a baby, Liz! Now I'd substitute a dab of maple syrup, instead - and maybe you'll raise a secret Northerner!

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry to hear about this...as someone who is sleep-deprived right along with you, I feel for you! Could you pump and have your husband try to introduce the bottle? Maybe try having your husband offer the bottle first at feedings several times a day until he gets used to it- I've read it's easier for babies to except a bottle from another person because they can't smell food from them. That way you can get a few more hours of sleep at night...

Lyra was beginning to sleep longer at night (and by longer I mean 3 hours a stretch if I was lucky) until recently. She was very irritable and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I took her to the doctor 4 times in a week and they couldn't either. It wasn't until she started breathing funny and we took her to the ER that they discover a cyst at the base of her tongue! She had it removed and we were in the hospital for 6 days and her sleep is back to a seemingly random schedule...if it wasn't for my husband also being able to feed her I would be completely crazy.

I hope things get better for you soon. Sorry I don't have better advice!

ETA: Very cute pictures!

[lizbud]

That honey can be harmful to babies is a more recent realization of the medical profession than when your boy was a baby, Liz! Now I'd substitute a dab of maple syrup, instead - and maybe you'll raise a secret Northerner!

Thanks for the info Karen. Who knows, he might have been.

[AdoreMyDogs]

Thanks everyone. It's been very rough but I'm really trying to remain sane. Joycenalex, that comparison was amazing and wise. Yes lack of sleep is sometimes effecting my ability to parent because I'm far more irratable then I ever used to be but I have been utalizing friends to help me with Quinn when I think I'm at my wits end. That's only happened a couple times, but my friends have been a true blessing. I'm able to determine as a parent when enough is enough. I've actually called my neighbor friend in a sobbing fit, sobbing so hard I could barely speak, because I felt I was having a breakdown. I had had 3 hours or less sleep every night for 5 nights in a row, and the 5th day of this my body began to rebel. Stress is a bugger.

And regarding honey, yes it's very bad to give a child under 1 honey but that really IS a new thing, as my mom made us (my 2 brothers and I) herbal tea for tummy aches, and to calm us down and such, and she sweetened it with honey and we all turned out OK. What is most dangerous is the unrefined honey, the real yummy, raw stuff. The refined honey is less of a danger but still a no-no until they're 1 as far as I'm concerned (and the doctors). Thank you, Liz, for the advice. And wow, your son is an Aerospace Engineer...that's impressive! You're a sweet heart. And thank you, Missy, for the warning about honey, you also are a sweet heart!

I sleep with Vince in a bassinette becide me and when the sun begins to rise and there's a bit of light in the room I put him in my bed with me when he's fussing. He has a hard time latching while in bed and I need light to help "guide" him to where the milk is. I can't sleep well when he's in bed with me because I worry about hubby rolling on him, and because he snorts and grunts a lot, even when he's at rest and not fussing. I'm such a light sleeper that his snorts and grunts keep me awake.

K9kraze your comment made me laugh hehe. Trust me, when I've been up 6 times in one single night to feed the little stinker, the thought MIGHT go through my mind hehe.

Actually, for the first time since birth, last night he slept from 10:30pm until 4am. I couldn't believe it. He then woke me at 6am so I only woke up twice last night. It was the first in 8 weeks and it was wonderful. I think he secretlly went onto PT and saw the trouble he was causing me and felt bad. I'm praying he makes a habit of that because last night was wonderful! It was the most perfect early Mother's Day present he could have given me.

Tomorrow is Mothers' Day and I'm sleeping in! Daddy is getting up with Quinn and I'm staying in bed with Vince as long as my little darling will let me sleep

You all are wonderful. I thank you for the time and advice. I do hope it gets better. I will try to get him trained on a bottle so daddy can help with one feeding a night if he continues on the 1-2 hour feedings.

[Daisy and Delilah]

First of all, I thought Quinn was the most beautiful child I've ever seen but Vince is right there with her. Those two are just so darn cute it's unreal.

My kids are in their 30's now but this sounds so familiar. You have my sympathy, Leslie. I used to strongly dislike myself for wanting to get rid of the children at certain times. I think we're built to have just so much tolerance and that's it. Sleep deprivation compounds everything 10X over.

After reading your post, I wonder if you can get some help to give you a break? Hubby will be a Godsend tomorrow. I hope you can get some consistent help so you can have regular downtime. Having to go through this every day will turn you into a different person completely. I remember it well. Some days I could have jumped off a bridge and felt much better. It's very hard to do what you're doing. Feeling angry and upset is normal. At least I think it is.

My son was first and he was the quietest, best baby in the world. His sister came along and it was like night and day. She was so demanding, it almost killed me. I was sure I was going to bring harm to myself or something similar, just to get a reprieve. I had to carry her everywhere even though my back was breaking. She would cry if I didn't pay constant attention to her, etc. She also became colicky. My Grandmother was the only person that could calm her. Each time she started bawling, I had to pack her up and go to my Grandmother's to stop the crying and fussing. By the time I had gone through this for a month I had terrible black circles under my eyes. I looked 10 years older. Believe me, I've been through all of it.

34 and 36 years later, I love my kids with all my heart. I don't regret a single thing that happened with either of them. Both of them still have the same personalities they had back then. It's so funny. He's laid back and calm, she is go go go all the time and really dislikes being alone. She loves to have me with her(as I have said before, she's moved to NC so she wants me to join her).

The bottom line is: I survived it even though I didn't think I could. There is nothing easy about it. As you've heard, it seems to get tougher when they get older. Leslie, you'll make it through this and you'll be fine. I wish you the best of luck in getting some help as much as possible. You have to take time for yourself. You simply can't do it all. Even though most of us women try our best to do that every day.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

p.s. I forgot to mention. When my kids were small, honey was perfectly acceptable to use. I only heard not to give it to babies probably three to five years ago.