Dear Grey,
Around 6:30pm last Oct 1, I had to let you pass over the Rainbow Bridge. An undetected tumor ruptured your bladder. The doctor was not optimistic about a full recovery with surgery so I made the most painful decision I've ever made in my life - to let you go in peace. I remember holding you and reminiscing about our first days together and holding on tightly as the vet gave you your Rainbow Bridge medication. God, it hurt me so bad.
It still hurts as if it were yesterday, not a whole year. What makes the pain doubly bad is that my decision was clouded also by my inability to afford the costly surgery and aftercare as well as wondering what signs I missed. You pooped on the carpet occasionally since I adopted you in 1997. The vet said sometimes cats do that so I ignored this. I saw blood in your stool every once in a blue moon and the vet was not concerned about this either. Perhaps these were signs that I should have taken heed of - the vet said the tumor was not the result of this but I don't know. I made the mistake of taking you to a large practice where we saw a different vet every time - bad news - should have gone to a small practice.
Whatever I did and didn't do that made you sick, I apologize. I am sorry for my ignorance, my gullible faith in the doctor, and my loser's luck in the job market that rendered me unable to afford your surgery.
Grey, I loved you and will love you forever. Words can't describe what happiness, comfort, and companionship you brought to me. I hope I returned the same to you and wish I could have done more.
As you know, I returned to the shelter this past May to give another kitty a home. Poppy was a 10 year old senior citizen who I knew would have a hard time finding a home so I welcomed him into our old abode. After a few days of upper respiratory infection, Poppy soon became acclimated to his new digs and is getting mighty comfortable (Did you tell him to lounge on the dining room table? Smiles.)
Grey, you are with me always and I think of you often. I hope your are at peace and have met my four footed buddies that have crossed the Bridge over the years. Love to you and love to them all.
Yours forever,
Beverly
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