Dear German Shepherd that tried to maul me today at work,

NOT FUNNY.

I put you in the tub, put the noose over your head to keep you IN said tub, and proceeded to turn on the water.

As the water made contact with your body, you SCREAMED. Not barking, howling, or whining. SCREAMING. You then proceeded to thrash your entire body around the tub. Me, fearing you would hurt yourself or me, grabbed you by the scruff of the neck, thinking it would calm you and put you into some sort of submissive-like state.

NOT.

You started thrashing even harder, and I swear you were screaming, "DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!" So I stopped the water, stepped back, and you started LUNGING at me.

I took breaths, counted to ten, anything to keep myself from possibly strangling you. I came back to the tub and tried again. I got you completely wet (at myself included) and started to shampoo you.

Then you were okay. But as soon as that water hit your skin, you SCREAMED again, even louder.

(I swear, I wasn't using the acid water.)

Finally, as I was trying to dry you with the dryer, you felt it darn necessary to TEAR the safety release on the noose and LEAP out of the tub ON TOP of me.

Mind you, you're "only 90 pounds" and a SOAKING WET GERMAN SHEPHERD.

In the end, you got scruffed again, towel dried and dragged to your kennel. I ended up with two cuts on my hands and every part of my body was drenched.

Thanks for nothing. Tell your dad he should have brought you in as a puppy so you got used to grooming.

You suck,
Megan